[complicatedlife]

My boyfriend is muslim and I been going out with him for 9 months and I love more than anything, he talked to me about Islam every once in a while into he convince that Islam is the religion for me. So I converted from Christianity to Islam a month ago. He just graduated from grad school and his mom abiously is going to be looking for a wife for him back in Pakistan. The first problem is that I think his mom is not going to like me because I converted, the second problem is he's mom is alone and pakistan and she doesn't have a visa to come here and he doesn't want to leave her alone (which I also believe is right for him to do that). So he has to pick a choice be with me or go back to Pakistan and marry a girl that he doesn't know yet!! But he so confused and he doesn't know what to do. While he finds out what he is going to do what should I do?? Should I wait by his side or leave him alone until he makes up his mind and talks to his parents?? ( I don't want to leave him alone but I will do what ever is best for us)

[talaniman]

First red flag, is you converting for him, and not yourself. Second red flag, and an even bigger one, is your willingness to follow someone after only 9 months.

Slow your train down lady, and see the reality of your situation, before redoing yourself, and your life.

His mom is okay where she is, and your okay where you are, so before you run away to another world you better see what your getting into because after you're his wife over there, you're his obedient wife forever, or one of them any way. And your right, if mama don't like you you can forget it.

Your moving to fast into the unknown and love don't conquer all.

Will you still be a Muslim after he has to marry someone else, and kicks you to the curb??

[complicatedlife]

Yes I still be a muslim if Im not with him. Im very happy that I met him because she show me something beautiful that made my life so much better and gave me a purpose to life wich is Islam. Im sure he is the person I want to be for the rest of my life and he can only have a second wife is the first one allows it, and the requimirents to have a second are very limited so most muslims choose not to have more than 1 wife

[pimp_mah_alpaka]

Quote:

Your SURE he is the one?

Slow down and think about it all. This is pretty full on isn't it? You have a life and your own choices and at the moment he's running that part. He's already converted you to another religion and now your considering moving to another country for him?

Think think before you leap leap

[talaniman]

You should be worried about most Muslims, just yours. I just think your moving to fast, and have a lot more to learn about him. What's your hurry?

[liz28]

I would'nt wait around. If he's going make a decision then he needs to make it however I agreed with Tal on all of the issues he pointed out to you. You seem like you did anything to make him happy and while he's happy, your happy. That's isn' love.

Secondly, my uncle is Muslim and you have to understand the whole religion because you become part of it. He can have as many wives as he want without your permission and you've to accept it even if your not okay with it. Don't get me started on the rest of it.

Before I leave this post I want to ask you a question. What changes have he made for you?

[hjpan]

That is messed up. 9 months and converted religion? Sorry lady, but this guy is religion-biased. Just because you was a Christian and he's a Muslim doesn't mean you need to convert. Secondly, his mother may not approve because of RELIGION. I'd break it off with him cause religion is the whole issue.

Ok, you converted into a Muslim.
What did he do for you? What did he convert?

Life is about exchanging. What did he exchange/trade for your conversion?

[supernx5]

Do what you want . What age is your muslim boyfriend ?

[jennifer1010]

Okay.
I don't understand why you converted to Islam because he convinced you to or whatever.. Unless you wanted it yourself, then that's fine. But after only nine months, you think he's the guy for you and you change your religion for him and now you're faced with this problem... This shouldn't be a problem, if he loved you back I don't think he would make you wait for an answer. It's an easy No to his mother.. If he loved you as much as you love him he wouldn't consider marrying someone he doesn't know in Pakistan because his mother wants him to.. I'm muslim myself, and it's a bigg challenge. But if you converted for him and he ends up leaving you... then I don't think you'll be too fond of the religion that he introduced you to because he broke your heart.. If you do stick to the religion good for you..
But is he even worth it? What did he change for you?

[supernx5]

Hey jennifer! Member me honey?! Omg its been so long :-xxxx

[complicatedlife]

Well he haven't change for me at all but he introduce me to Islam and since them my life has change to better and better and I feel like he was put in my destiny to show a better way of life because I try to follow everything and my reward has been a peaceful life without no regrets.. . I don't want to live in pakistan all I want is for his mom to approve and for her to live here in usa so she won't be alone. My life gets complicated by the second I NEED HELP I can't STOP CRYING FOR DAYS

[complicatedlife]

His 24

[complicatedlife]

talaniman
Senior Relationship Expert

My hurry is that I love him! And he loves me too but it seems impossible? Should I walk away from this and break up?

[hjpan]

Well he havent change for me at all but he introduce me to Islam and since them my life has change to better and better and I feel like he was put in my destiny to show a better way of life because I try to follow everything and my reward has been a peaceful life without no regrets. ... I dont want to live in pakistan all I want is for his mom to approve and for her to live here in usa so she wont be alone. My life gets complicated by the second I NEED HELP I can't STOP CRYING FOR DAYS

There you go.

HE HAS NOT CHANGED FOR YOU AT ALL.
Wait till you marry him. In the Muslim world, men are allowed to have four wives.

[tolerance]

The red flag to me is how much you put into this religion and how better your life is since you converted. You did a lot in 9 months.

[complicatedlife]

Torelance

Why?? Please I know I'm doing something wrong but I can't see it because I'm in the picture.

[starbuck8]

Your mistake is that you are doing everything for him, and he isn't doing the same for you! Changing your religion to keep a man is the worst thing you can do! Did converting ever even enter your mind before you met him? You only converted ONE MONTH ago. You can't possibly understand a religion in that amount of time!

What was the process and the steps you took to convert? Did you take classes?. or did you just listen to what your boyfriend told you about Muslims and their ways? If you are only listening to what he told you, without counsel from a religious authority, you are in way over your head.

In one post, you said you're life is so peaceful and you have no regrets! In your next sentence, you say your life is so complicated and you've been crying for days! That doesn't sound very peaceful to me!

Everyone has asked how old he is, but no one has asked how old you are. What about your family? What are their views on this sudden change in religion? If his mother disaproves, is he still going to marry you and stay where you are to be with you?. or is he going to go live with mommy, and let her pick his wife? If your family disaproves, are you going to leave your boyfriend as they wish?

Nine months is NOT long enough to make such life changing decisions! I have to say the same thing as some of the others! What is your hurry? Are you afraid that if you don't marry him now that he will leave you for mommy's choice? Just because you are married, it doesn't mean things will be easy. Actually, it means things will be 10 times harder than they are now! Marriage is a lot of hard work even without these problems right out of the gate!

I think you need to back up, and talk to a professional. This is your life! Again, how old are you? My guess is you are not very old, and you are making decisions based upon your feelings for him, and they are not rational thought out decisions! They are clouded by your feelings for this young man. Slow down, or you are going to be in for a lot of hurt down the road.

[tolerance]

torelance

why??? please i know im doing something wrong but i can't see it because im in the picture.

Even though you can't see it, you've to know that your moving too fast.

Do you've any family or friends?

I really think your losing yourself in this guy and that's not good.

Before I go on what are some things that he did for besides convincing you to convert? Also, he's 24 but what is your age?

[talaniman]

talaniman
Senior Relationship Expert

my hurry is that I love him! and he loves me too but it seems impossible? should I walk away from this and break up??

I don't say walk away, but I do say give yourself a lot more time to know each other, and learn each others personal ways, and grow more, before making such a big life changing decision.

Its so great to be in love, we tend to not enjoy the learning, when we should. We overlook, or don't see, many things because we are caught in those very intense feelings, especially if this is the first time you have had them. Enjoy yourself, but don't get carried away by your feelings. If your love is real, its not going any where, and there is no need to hurry.

I think the others have asked a very important question you have not answered, as you have done a lot to please him, but what has he done?? Real love is sharing, and caring, and working together to achieve together, so you have defined your own actions, and have said nothing of his, and that's something to really think about.

[complicatedlife]

Im 18 (being force to be honest) should I move on and just concentrate on my studies, and see with time if he comes back with a solid answer. I don't want to get married with him right now I just don't want his mom to be looking for a girl for him, more like engaged. I want to feel secure in our relationship, he tells me he is sure we are going to be together but like one of you wrote "is a easy no to his mom" and everything can go down hill. I don't want to waste my time in a relationship that's not going anywhere for that I stay alone.