[Champk14]

Ever since I can remember I've been attracted to men that in some way or another were bad for me. One man hit me, another drained my bank account and put me in debt, and the current man I'm seeing has a criminal record, continues to sell and consume illegal drugs, has a son he can't support, isn't working, and has some how talked me into being OK with an open relationship even though I'm not seeing anyone else. It seems that with every man I have a relationship with I find myself in this same situation where I've put so much time and effort into the situation and can't find a way to get myself out of it. My head tells me one thing and my heart says another. It's an addiction and a cycle I don't know how to break. Even if I were to end my current relationship, I fear the same thing will happen in my next relationship because that seems to be my trend. I have friends that try to give me advice but I guess I'm looking for an expert opinion on my situation. Can anyone help me help myself?

[ordinaryguy]

I'm guessing you go from one bad relationship to another because you would rather have a bad relationship than none at all. If you can be on your own, single, unattached, no boyfriend, for at least a year, preferably two, then you might have an even chance to establish a cooperative relationship with someone, instead of the codependent type you've preferred up till now.

[ja77]

You need to spend some time alone with just yourself sorting your own head out fully and stop jumping into realtionships and be happy with yourself.

From what your saying about your current relationship you seem unhappy with the way things are, so why keep hurting yourself - break the cycle - now to save yourself some pain and a lot of hurt down the line.

Maybe it would be a good idea to seek some help from a counseling service, try visiting you Dr and they could point you in the right direction for this kind of help.

It sounds like it is time that you started to Love yourself and have resoect for you, don't allow yourself to be pushed into things you do not want as part of your life, and do not allow others to treat you bad.

[Choux]

There are several different reasons you would repeatedly choose men who cause you pain and misery... you learned to do this from your family's example, you think you deserve bad treatment, good men are NOT so "exciting", you're looking for excuses and pity. And so on and so on.

I think a therapist could help you understand yourself... suffering gets pretty old after a while as time passes and youth disappears. :)

Best wishes to you going forward,

[Hazel1220]

I understand what you are going through. All the men I have dated have had severe drinking problems. I just split from my last boyfriend who I had a wonderful baby with and am now questioning why do I find these guys. As hard as it has been I have had to take a serious look at myself and my life because the blame is not on them. It is my problems that are leading me to make bad decisions. I am not an alcoholic but from a young age learned to fill "sadness" inside with going to bars and meeting men and having a few drinks with them. I realized that my bad choices were entirely to blame for being with drunk abusive men. I suggest to stop being a victim ( meant with love) and take control. Find a few different groups with hobbies and interests. Try meeting men outside of the normal realm that you do. Also take time for yourself. Find who you are and learn to love yourself enough to not put up with the crap that these men bring to you. Life is too short.
If you continue on this path it can only lead to pain and possibly worse. Also if it as a pattern for too long, you might become so desensitized to what a good man and a healthy relationship is you might never find your way back. Good Luck we all deserve the best in love and life.