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mhowellred · Dec 26, 2008, 10:18 AM

Nov 3, 2003 my husband and I decided to take custody of a little girl who was abandoned by her mother when she was 6. The abandonment may have been earlier thant that. Our little girl has two other sisters. My girlfriend obtained custody of the 3 girls from someone who the mother left custody to a woman was not fit to take care of them. It became too much for my girlfriend, being that she had 2 kids of her own (5 total). My husband and I became attached to this little 6 year old. My girlfriend and I along with another girlfriend talked about how we could each give the girls that total attention they need. The oldest of the sisters is with me and my husband and the middle of the sisters is with my girlfriend and the baby of the sisters was with my other girlfriend who her and her husband has no children. 5 years have passed and OUR daughter who is 11 years has blossmed into this beautiful, outgoing, very intelligent little girl, who also gained 2 older brothers 3 nephews and a niece, 2 grandmothers and fathers, and a host of aunts, cousins, and mostly her friends. She questioned me the other day about her mom. Which I searched online to find. I did find her biological mother. We spoke, she claims that when she returned back to State in which she left that she was told that the girls were DEAD to shorten this story.. After 30 minutes of asking her questions she never asked to speak with our daughter. I asked if she would give up her parental rights so that we could adopt this little girl. Her reply was NO... Since the mother won't give up her parental rights is there a law that will help me and my husband to adopt this little girl who was abandoned 5 years ago and that we raised has our own?

Synnen · Dec 26, 2008, 09:27 PM

You need a lawyer.

This situation is way to complicated to NOT have a family attorney.

Spend the money on a good one, or you may wish you had.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 26, 2008, 09:58 PM

What sort of legal custody do you have now, when you went to court before the judge when you got the children are you a guardian, are they considered in foster care. What sort of legal custody do you have now.

The simple fact, if the bio mother never gave any legal custody away, but the children were just "loan" out to a friend, and then given away illegally without any court approval, you may have no legal rights to the children what so ever. It is very possible that the mother with some counseling and court action could even get custody back for the children.

As noted you need serious legal counsel, more or less, depending on the legal status on how you got the child.

mhowellred · Dec 27, 2008, 07:58 AM

From my understanding temporary custody was given to the lady who originally had the girls. My girlfriend who is the Aunt of one of the little girls was awarded custody of all 3 girls because of living conditions. In turn because of my girlfriend being overwhelmed, my husband and I went through family court in NY to obtain custody We have a legal document signed and date by the judge we have custody of this little girl. I guess I needed to know if there was any law that if a child is abandoned for so many years that automatically the mother parental rights were relinquished. No one knows who the father is. It was not listed on her birth certificate.

ScottGem · Dec 27, 2008, 08:08 AM

Many states have guidelines about using abandonment as grounds for getting a TPR.

But I agree with Synnen here. The fact that you have a court order awarding you custody is very good for you. But I would go back and read that order very carefully or take it to an attorney. It may be that you have to do nothing if the custody order acknowledges you as the legal parent. Or there may be conditions to this.

On the other hand, its also possible the Aunt did not have the right to relinquish custody to you and this whole thing could be overturned.

But that's worst case scenario. You have been the parent for almost half the child's life. I doubt if a court is going to take her away from you.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 27, 2008, 08:10 AM

A lot will just all depend on exactly what type of court order you have. If the mother signed over her rights years ago or not.

You need a family attorney review all of the paper work transferring custody of the child though both the first person, and then to you.

But it would not be unheard of, for a mother to come back years in the future, show they have turned their life around, and be able to get back into the child's life.

Also they have to look at if the father, signed over his rights or if he still has a claim.

Too many ifs, not knowing exactly how custody was transferred and it sounds like guardianship to give custody but no adoption.