[LonelyWife36]

I feel depressed. To make a long story short I have been having issues with my husband to the point where he has decided to move out.
I don't feel like doing much, don't even feel the need to eat or sleep.
I want to visit a doctor, but at this time I am going to huge financial difficulties and have not been able to aford the $250 1st visit with a psychiatric doctor.
Is there a over the counter medicine I can use to help me deal with this depression.
I have to small boys (10 & 12) and I feel that I am not giving them the attention they need from me.
Thanks

[twinkiedooter]

You might want to speak to your pastor about this instead of a psychiatrist.

[sock_poise]

I am probably not in the best position to offer advice but maybe you should try speaking to a close friend about this. It always helps to talk things over with someone you trust first and then maybe get therapy or counselling? You obviously love your children and care for them so tell them that and try your best at this very difficult time for you. Nobody is perfect and they will understand if you are upset. I really think you should talk to somebody - do you have family nearby? Or a friend you can call?

[kp2171]

financial struggles added to relationship issues added to the proven fact that this time of year can be stressful (holiday noise, decreased activity, decreased light, etc)... there's a load on your plate.

you know the "straightest line" to getting out of this is directly dealing with the root causes... what is actually causing the financial stress, what is causing the relationship problems. Listing the problem alone doesn't mean that is the root cause.

as for what can be done to get you through a rough patch...

exercise is really undervalued by many for what it can do for you mentally. Its one of the best "home remedies" for changing your position, especially if you go after it in a structured manner... a plan... a list... a schedule... and right now it seems you are just washing where the waves push you.

I've dealt with an ugly about of depression myself, and I know what it feels like to have the best part of your day be when you are sleeping. No fun at all.

so structure is good, and exercise is one way to develop structure and get the benefits of the work. Even if this doesn't mean going to the gym... can it mean playing outside in the snow with your kids?

which is the next thing... laughter positively feeds back into your mental side, so don't push your kids away. Try to be one of them. A famous writing about children states "You can try to be like them, but you cannot make them just like you"... so be like them if you can, if only for a little bit.

and you need to find someone to talk to. If you are working, make sure you cannot get a few free sessions through your benefits package. And, as stated, even if you are not affiliated with a church, going to a local church and asking to talk to someone, like the pastor, isn't a bad idea. Sometimes simply talking to a third party can get you started in the right direction, even if its just a start.

also, while I don't think there is any substitute for talking to another person, especially one trained to help you find the right path as soon as possible, you can read.

when my partner an I were going through some noise some time back we turned to a few books that dealt with the issues we were having, and it was helpful. Reading about relationship problems allows you to think about your own relationship, but somehow it removes it a step away from you... you can think about yourself, but the book is about you... its not about blame or pointing fingers.

I haven't read gary chapmans books on this subject, but I've read other books by him and I like his approach and writing well enough. The links for desperate marriages and separation might be useful, and you can often find used books at Amazon or other sites for much less money.

be busy. Do volunteer work if you get a chance. I know its not easy with kids... but the two hours I give a week to tutoring an inner city child is well worth the time... you walk away with a sense of being connected to others, some who might also be going through rough times.

sorry you are in this place. One of the most important things you can do is accept where you are, what is going on. Any chance you can talk more about where things are and how they got there?

[liz28]

What area do you live in but there are places you can go to that offer free counseling services.

Most hospitals offer this free services in the outpatient mental health clinic. You can start there and call around or Google free counseling in your area.

[Jake2008]

Lonely, I notice you say that he has decided to move out; does that mean he hasn't left for a reason? Is he trying to address issues, and you are opting out? Is there a chance that he will stay, or change his mind? If he hasn't moved out yet, perhaps there is hope.

Is the depression because of the possibility of separation and/or divorce, or did the depression happen first, and the relationship is getting worse because of it.

When depression takes away your enjoyment of life, and your strength, and you are neglecting your children as you said, and feel your husband is going to walk out, it seems to me that you both need to address issues, either before he goes, or immediately after.

See if there are benefits through either of your employers, or like one poster said, seek out free counselling through your doctor, or local mental health clinic. Get some grounding in what the issues are, and what you are going to need to do to address them.

I suspect there is more to this problem than just depression over a possible outcome.

I urge you to get the help you need, borrow money from family if you have to, an investment in yourself, and your marriage, and your children will be worth the expense.

[Fr_Chuck]

And perhaps you need to price around, you can get counseling help here for 50 dollars a meeting,
And your family doctor can even prescribe depression medication