[Ywoski]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 10 months, we met towards the end of high school. Everything seemed fine, she really seemed to love and care about me as I did to her. Then one day, things just changed. She called me and told me she wanted a break for three weeks to see if she loved me. I said OK, that's fine we are both very young and things at this age just happen. She said for me to call her back in two hours because she had to drive out with her sister to go see there Mom. I called her back and things changed again, now she said she just want to be friends and we would all ways be best friends, she said there was no chance of us ever going out again. I asked why this happened, what made in one day for everything we had to change. She told me different reasons, the first one was that we argued too much and she didn't want that any more (the truth was that we hardly ever argue and if we do we all ways fix it right away), she told me that it was because of the stress she on right now and she doesn't want a boy friend right now to have to be with on top of the stress, then she told me she just doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, and lastly she just said she doesn't know why. Then she called me at night and told me there a big chance we could go out again, she just needed time to think.

She still wants to be friends to talk every night like we do now, for me to go and see her. She told me I love you and I asked her why she would say that, she just said she meant it as a friend. She still wants to keep all the plans we all ready had, she still wants to move with me to New York, but she doesn't want the same apt with me now. It's like she wants a boy friend with out the commitment.


This year was a little hard, after only knowing each other for six months, we had to move away and go to different schools for 4 months. I could still see her, she was only a 45 minute drive away. We saw each other every other weekend, and we all ways coulden't wait to see each other. We talked every night on the phone for at least a hour. Her family has been very hard on her this year as they are very judgemental, we had done things that they only want her to do if she is married. She is not doing well in school, she never really has, but now it looks like she is at the point that she is failing three classes.

She changes every other night, the night before she was crying and told me not to give up on her that we would be together again in the future, to other stuff like she hopes she comes to her senses soon and we go back out. She told she was still going to wear the promise ring I gave her, she said she wanted me to still wear a necklace she got me everyday. That she still wanted me to go and see her Saturday as friends. She said she doesn't want to go out with anyone else, and she got sad and said I'm sure there will be someone for you, eventually ending up with her asking me to give her a month before I do go and try things with someone else. Then nights like tonight, it seems like she doesn't care about me, I tried talking about what happened (mind you she just broke up with me 3 days ago and my head is still spining as to what happend) and, she just seemed annoyied and went back to a other topic. I asked her about Saturday, and now she makes it seem like I'm pushing it on her, like she doesn't really care either way. It's like she is a different person to me now.

I can't tell if she just being nice to me about what happened. I have looked online and lots of people have told me the best thing to do right now is just not to talk to her for a while. I just don't know what to do. I wonder if the stress from everything is just making her confused. I wonder if maybe she did fall out of love. I don't want to give up yet, but I'm not going to wait around six months for her either. I can't do that to myself. It pains me every night to talk to her, I want to try again. I just don't understand the night before we broke up, she was telling me how much she loved me and that she wanted me to promise her I would lover her forever. Then the next day this happens. I don't believe some one can just wake up one day and not be in love but I don't know.

Right now she is telling me she is trying to process her thoughts about weather or not she loves me. My plan is just to tell her that I want a answear in three weeks, it doesn't take a year for you to think about weather or not you love someone. I was thinking of telling her that maybe for the next couple of days we shoulden't talk at all. My hope is that maybe when she realizes what she is missing she might want to come back. Since we started going out there has not been one night were we haven't talked for less then 30 minutes.

I'm worred of losing her to, I'm worried if I stay around close to her like she wants, she will never come back because she has me without having to give anything up. At the same time though I am worried that distancing myself will only cause he to get over me faster.

I am so confused and depressred right now I just really need someone else's advice, is it normal for people to need time to rethink weather or not they love someone? Should I just try turning off the phone for the next few days or what? Is this just a game, she is playing? Is it possible maybe she just needs space with all the stress?

I can't sit and be a friend with someone I have such strong feelings for, but I am worried about losing touch with her completely as well.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

[Ywoski]

There have been some other problems too I guess.

She came on really fast at first, we were barley going out for a month and she was talking about getting married and having kids (mind you we were still in High School) with me. I'm at the end of my rope, I don't know if I should just move on or it's possible maybe she just needs some time.

[talaniman]

We are both very young and things at this age just happen.

That's exactly what you must remember.

I don't believe some one can just wake up one day and not be in love but I don't know.

She was probably thinking about it for a while, before she actually did it.

I can't sit and be a friend with someone I have such strong feelings for, but I am worried about losing touch with her completely as well.

Leave the worries behind and give her what she asked for, a break, and that means cancel all plans you have ever made with her, and stop trying to be boyfriend, without the title.

That means all the things you use to do for her, and with her, get canceled also. Does it make sense to be like her boyfriend, but no commitment, loyalty, or benefits?

Be honest with her, and let her know that's how you feel, and let her know that after her break, you need space and plenty of it, which you do, so you can move on as she has

Then you leave her alone, and the less contact you have, the sooner you heal. Now you can stay in friend zone, and keep messing with her, and prolong your agony, but in the end NO CONTACT is the way to go. Up to you.