[kmoney]

Hi my name is Kathy, and I was wondering if I could receive some advice. I think a friend may be in some trouble, and I do not know how to go about it, so I figured that maybe I could get some advice from you. I will try to explain the situation to the best of my ability, it is a little confusing.

There is this guy his name is Mike. He is a close friend to my boyfriend and a few other people that I know (they all grew up together). Mike is 27 years old, a very nice, funny, handsome guy, great personality but shy at times. I am worried about him. A little background info on Mike:

When Mike was a senior in high school he lost his mom to cancer, when she knew of it, she never told Mike or his younger sister (Lauren, now 23) how bad she really was until the bitter end. So they never really got to say goodbye, it all happened so quickly. His dad (who he calls by his first name, Ernie) has left them in the house ever since, he has moved on and lives with his girlfriend Anita; yes I understand that the children are of age where they can take care of20themselves, but he is the only parent they have left, the only one that could comfort them and understand the pain of missing their mother, but instead Ernie has left them, in my eyes abandoned them. His sister Lauren is now married to a boy who is from Mexico that she met in college. They were married by the justice of the peace in order for him to be allowed to stay in this country, I know Mike does not like her husband (Jorge) for his own personal reasons but they all (Mike, his sister Lauren and Jorge her husband) live under the same roof. I believe Mike feels as if he is totally alone, his father is now with his girlfriend and his sister has her husband, who does Mike have? - No one. I believe the mixture of losing his mom and the way his dad treats Mike and his sister with her husband, makes him feel unloved and possibly unworthy.

His sister came to me not too long ago upset that she believes her brother has a drinking problem. I believe he does as well, but it is odd, he does not drink every night - during the week Monday - Friday he does not touch one bit of alcohol and eats healthy and goes to the gym EVERYDAY. But on Friday and Saturday nights, he drinks to the point where he "blacks-out" and does not remember anything. What makes me worried the most, are the words that come out of his mouth; they make me nervous and concerned, and this is why I am emailing you. When he gets drunk he will say how he wants to "shoot himself in the brains" or "I want to kill myself" or just flat out be depressive and say such awkward things at awkward times or to girls he doesn't even know, that they are even worried about him. He is definitely not the confrontational type, but when he is sober, he is very quiet and not very "open", and with the way he is sober I do not know if he will open up to me, and if he does I just don't know how. So my question to you is, how do I go about it, how do I bring it up, how do I get him to open up to me? I feel like his closest friends just laugh at him or not take him seriously, and I would rather be safe and make sure he is safe, than be sorry that one day he is gone! I want to help but I just don't know how. I've looked up many web sites on confronting alcoholics/suicidal people, but I just don't know with his personality, that he is very quiet, doesn't open up much or will think that I am crazy and just run the other way, or not talk to me or get mad and just run --- possibly doing something drastic, and I would feel like it would be my fault -- I would be mortified if I were the cause of anything happening to him. So if you could please email me or get back to me whenever you have a chance. I would greatly appreciate it!

Thank you very much for your time and help.
Kathy

[N0help4u]

He is a weekend alcoholic and he is drowning his depression in his drinking.
You can not be responsible for his actions. You can not be there 24/7 and make sure he doesn't do something stupid. He needs professional counseling and you really can't give him the help he needs. You can be there as a friend and listen and try to give him some good advice but in the end you can not be responsible for his choices.

[kmoney]

I know that I am not responsible for his actions but I do not want his actions to become worse because no one will help him. I am not going to just tell him he needs to join AA and be done with it. I want to talk to him and see if he will open up and talk to me about it. I want to know is how to start the conversation about him