[KagamiD]

For those who don't know this is a more detailed explanation of my history with Girl1 and Girl2. I posted this because most people continued to misunderstand my story and didn't figure it was much deeper than I can say in one thread. My basic problem was I love Girl2 but once in a while a side of me feels unfulfilled. So other than obviously leaving and looking elsewhere (it's been said already) what should I do? If you want to know my previous story I'll post it if someone asks. Thank you.

Ok here’s my addition (please bear with me again :D) During the time Girl1 and I were best friends after she broke up with her boyfriend. I reached a point where I had 2 choices. Since I knew Girl1 wasn’t going to return my feelings, I could: 1. Cut her of completely and be extremely miserable for a long time or 2. Stay with her and be a little miserable as long as we’re friends. Not very good options  During that time I met Girl2, who no matter how miserable I was made me smile. It crossed my mind to date her but I got the impression I wouldn’t have to try very hard to get her (kinda ruins it for me if it’s too easy). I talked to Girl1 about it (We tell each other everything “sometimes adding to my suffering when I hear certain things) and she immediately began suggesting I date her (big surprise). After a few days I told Girl1 that I would try for 3 months and if there’s no spark Girl2 and I would just go our separate ways. Girl1 wanted me to try 6 months since she was sure it would happen. I said fine since Girl2 seemed like a great person and given my other options, it seemed like a great third choice. So I asked her out and without too much effort we started dating (I always made her die laughing so it wasn’t too hard). We had fun and were pretty intimate, all seemed well. But inside once in a while I still felt a pain and I didn’t feel ready to drag Girl2 into my world (she was new to relationships and sometimes a little naive).She was still strong at times and capable of being confident and strong all the time but not always willing. Once I noticed she was in love with me and that I was hurting her by not loving her back I decided (since I personally know it sucks) it’s best to end it before I hurt her even more. Of course I hurt her which after seeing my mess, broke my heart as well (I cried later). I decided to be alone and figure myself out before I hurt anyone else. After a few weeks, after talking with Girl1 we decided to try dating officially. I bust my butt during that time and we had fun but I barely felt like we were dating (I KNOW how she is with boyfriends and I seemed to be an exception). After a few weeks I realized it hurt more to be like this and not only that I actually really missed Girl2. After a while we stopped dating since we both concluded her feelings for me wouldn’t change. As soon as I realized I loved Girl2 I went back to show her my love. So from then on we were actually happy, but I still had moments where I felt like something was missing. No very long after Girl1 and I broke up she began dating someone else that of course fit her ideal description (white and tall). And to my annoyance she was again treating him like the world. Not too long later she was already complaining to me. I tried to get her to end it because it was already showing signs of becoming like her other relationship (not me by the way :D). After a lot of fighting she ended it but the hatred we developed for each other made it so we were no longer friends. Six months later here I am. I actually ran into Girl1 recently and we had a very respectable conversation that should our concern for each other but felt more like strangers being polite to each other (which made me feel sad since we use to be best friends for 2 years).

Finally I’ll end it with this. The love I had for Girl1 was to a point that I have never felt in my life. She had my heart and soul and I would’ve done anything for her. Mine you I was no dope I kept myself respect and did everything a man could (which I felt anyone else would have broken my door down) and still didn’t change her decision. I will now post a personal letter (with no names) I wrote to her giving you an idea of what I mean.

“Girl1,

It's no secret that the love I have for you is strong and true. I embrace it as well as cherish although sometimes it gets me in to trouble. We've had many beautiful memories and I'm sure we'll have many more. Although you yourself are beautiful your heart is all I've ever wanted. I cherish your affection as well as any kind words as much as I cherish you. You are my love Girl1 and the happiness you bring me is one of a kind. And one day I swear I'll bring you the same kind of happiness.

With love and my heart and my soul,
Kagami

I don't need to be your first love.
I want to be your last.”

I put this in a card I gave to her and although it touched her she would still never really try. I do love Girl2 (I feel I know what it is) and after the hatred Girl1 and I showed each other even after we were supposed to be together (atleast as friends) for much longer I’m sure Girl1 is out of the picture as an option. Holy crap this was long. If you read THIS thank you so much. I’ll answer any questions so please no assumptions.

[KagamiD]

Wow no feed back:P I know it's a lot of reading but what complicated story is ever short? My story in a nutshell for those who don't have the time is.

I love Girl2 and she loves me back. I don't want to jeopardize what I have unless it's absolutely necessary. When I loved Girl1 I was never so sure in my life that I could have these moments all the time and be perfectly happy. Unfortunately I was missing one key factor, HER returned feelings. Mine you she loved being with me it was just one of those love you but not in love with you things:P Sucks that I gave Girl1 my love, my heart and my soul so completely but I can't seem to give as much to Girl2. It's frustrating to know I'm capable of loving so much and not being able to do the same for someone I love now. I'm trying to be patient to see if my feelings grow but it's not easy. Even if I left to pursue a Girl3 the chances of reaching that same level of love are slim.

[roxypox]

Well if your satisfied... is there really a problem? To get love fulfilled, I think you just have to work for it...

What are you missing?
What do you want?
And how can you work with girl2 to obtain it?

[KagamiD]

Guess without the whole story it sounds fragmented. Ok here it is.

Ok 2 years ago I met a girl. She was beautiful and loved everything I loved, all the same interests. We went to a movie I asked her to date me she turned me down. No biggy we became best friends. Turns out she was on and off with some guy and I caught her in an off period which soon ended. He was of course an A hint hint hole;) Me and her hung out all the time doing what we loved to do i.e.. Anime related, Japanese restaurants, video games. We even went to a strip club for fun. I told her I had feelings for her in about 3 months and gave her the option of bailing out to avoid conflict. She said she'd stay and I said I'd control my feelings, which I did. After about a year of irritation and my encouragement she finally broke up with him for good (believe me she was in tears all the time with him). After words she considered dating me but she had specific standards (tall, white, skater type) she's Chinese by the way and I'm Puerto Rican so no dice.

After a while I decided it hurt too much to keep trying so I looked elsewhere. I met a younger, pretty girl who had a great attitude and made me smile a lot (Both I and the first girl are 24 by the way, our birthdays are 1 day apart:P. The second girl is 19). I asked the new girl out (girl 2, bear with me:D) she said yes, which I expected and we went out. We had fun over time and got close but she never gave me the same feeling Girl 1 (my best friend) gave me. After about 6 months I decided to end it even though I knew she loved me (she never said it I just knew). It wasn't fair to stay with her knowing I couldn’t return the feelings. So I decided to be alone and get my thoughts together. After a few weeks Girl 1 decided to give it a try with me, so I busted my butt to show her a great time. We had fun but she never treated me the same as other boyfriends. She always hesitated before we kissed. And rarely showed enthusiasm (by the way, as friends when we were both single we had sex a couple times.) while dating she didn't want to get to intimate. It's like she was hoping after we dated we would break up and go back to being friends. After a few weeks I realized she would never treat me like a boyfriend she really wanted and not only that I missed Girl 2 (she was very sweet).

Girl 1 and I both decided to split up now instead of playing this frustrating game. Once I realized I loved Girl 2 I went back to her (she literally kicked my butt but she took me back. Yes I know I deserved it:P) Eventually me and Girl 1 stop being friends (we argued on and off ever since she was dating the first guy and this didn't help.) I was happy with Girl 2 and we both knew we loved each other. Only problem was part of me was not happy. Although Girl 2 was loving, a good cook and had a great attitude, she didn't know much about being a girlfriend (I'm like the 3rd guy she ever dated and longest lasting) I tried to help by telling her what I liked but she was kind of tomboyish at times and didn't know how beautiful she was. I got her to try showing off her looks once in a while which I think is harmless (she needs more confidence on her looks).

Half of me is completely satisfied with her and sometimes half of me still rarely gets the stir of emotion I received for Girl 1 (she never made my heart race like Girl 1). This of course frustrated me because I wanted her to me the one who satisfies me completely. It took a while but I realized that I have two sides and Girl 1 completely satisfies one side and Girl 2 completely satisfies the other. Girl 1 satisfies the side that once to be sexual, watch anime, play games do everything I love (She always has a different look and takes care of her looks and body all the time) but she never satisfied my emotions since she never really showed me she truly cared in that way. Girl 2 completely satisfies my emotions and hangs on every word (she's kind and caring) but doesn't love what I love to do (she likes it sometimes but not the way I do) plus she rarely changes her look unless I ask and isn't very... um sexual. This is what I figured. Girl 1 is a great girlfriend (exciting, fun, spontaneous) and Girl 2 would be a great wife (reliable, understandable, and dedicated). Right now I'm still looking for a girlfriend but I know in time I'll look be looking for a wife and if I leave her now she won't be there later (I wouldn't blame her). What do I do so I'm not tempted by every girl who has the same traits as Girl 1? Should I leave and try to find someone else and hope later I can find someone who satisfies both sides or do I stay with Girl 2 (whom I love by the way) and keep trying to get her to satisfy my other side which frustrates her at times. I'm afraid the more I try the more frustrated we both get and we'll end up breaking up anyway. Or that my temptation is too much and I make a mistake and hurt her which would break my heart (she's so sweet). Add to that, that I get a surge of desire whenever I see Girl 1 and I get nervous now around her and now you see why I'm worried.

Enjoy.

[roxypox]

Okay... what you probably need to do is cut g2 loose and get over g1.

You're 24... don't you think you have plenty of time to date and see if you can't find a no. g3 that has the requirements of both g1 and g2?

It seems a little mean after reading your post no.2, that you kind of hang on to g2 just to, well have a girlfriend...

Hehe my 2 cents.. again ;)

[KagamiD]

Well although finding a third girl is a possibility, I'm not with Girl2 just to have a girlfriend. I actually love her but as you can see it's not the same level of love. Also I wouldn't call them requirements. I think we all have standards I'm just one of the few who are aware of what they are. You ever wonder why people suddenly break up and don't know why? It's because one or both aren't happy because some part of them, they're not aware of isn't satisfied. Also although you're right in that I'm still young and can afford some more searching for that third girl, the chances of finding such a girl are slim. I would be happier if Girl2 satisfied me completely making it easier for me to naturally give her everything (which I won't do until I'm certain but actually want to do without having to try).