[MsMewiththat]

I have a question to ask and I hope to get some feedback from you'all because you are a very smart group of people that I have come to respect. My son is now in high school but when he was in fourth grade he had a teacher that really didn't like him. No if's and's but's about it. Almost daily she took it upon herself to pick on him in one form or another. He at the time was in a gifted talented program and was enrolled in the accelerated learning so there really wasn't much she could do to sabbatoge his grades, however I do understand that can be a result for some students. He was and still is a very confident, bright light type of child, very optimistic and energetic about life and all of it's hope. He is a natural leader of sorts and kids tend to gravitate to him and will choose to do or follow what he does. So we are blessed that he uses that and leads in a positive way rather than negative and that he isn't a follower of any sort. Okay, toot toot beep beep. After several days of him coming home and telling me things that this teacher was doing I went to the principal and requested a conference with the teacher to better understand where she was coming from and what the problem was. The teacher told me to move him to another class. I figured this was my opportunity to take the high road and teach my son something in life. There will be people that don't like you for whatever reason, but you don't run or bail out. Not everyone has to like you and there is something more to learn from this teacher than just the academics that she is hired to teach you. She didn't have examples of him getting in trouble, never any complaints but she continued. One day he came to school with a T-shirt that said " BALLERS UNITE", she asked him what that meant and She questioned him about what he knew about gangs. Another day one of the students said that he felt pimpalicious, not my son mind you, but she said to the student what does that mean? Do you know what a pimp is? And proceeded to tell the students about pimps and hookers. This was beyond unacceptable to me as My son ran it by me when he got home from school almost verbatim. I called the teacher and she said you weren't here so you don't know what I said... my response to that was nothing should have been said at all. IF you can't talk about God, you surely can't talk about Pimps and hookers, stick to the text that you are mandated to teach. So the year progressed and the bullying continued and the conversations continued at home and at school. We prayed for her almost nightly. What teacher would pick on a kid. We had meetings with the principal and the school board and she continued to teach. So the very last day of school came and she hugged all of the students and when she got to my son she skipped over him and said, "You are no longer my problem" No hug and left him sad on his way to the bus.
So here's the question...
My son has been involved in many mentoring programs for children younger than him. He is a great role model and takes the opportunity to guide and empower younger cousins and neighbors etc. He talks about this teacher often to this day. It's a source of pain for him when he reflects back on his fourth grade experience. He said to me last night that he wanted to write to this teacher and let her know what she did and that she didn't change him and that he forgives her but also wants to THANK her for teaching him how not to treat other people and how to show kindness at every opportunity because you never know what someone else is going through. <- I lesson I am still struggling with. My debate is this: Is this appropriate? Can he write to this teacher and should this be sent on to her. Thoughts?

[tickle]

You are right, he is going to meet obstacles any where along life's path, unfortunately some of them are in school where boundaries are crossed. The teacher I guess just had a personality issue and if your son thinks the letter will get it off his chest, let him do it. You know, if he is as you say he is, then he may not decide to post it feeling that getting it down on paper did the job. If he decides to post it, then let him but she doesn't sound like the kind of person it would have any kind of positive impact with.

I would point out though, maybe you should let him know that it would be best to make the letter as generic as possible.

Play it by ear and see how it goes. I applaud your relationship with your son, I followed that same path and got a lovely person for a son out of it. Communication is the key and not enough parents know that.

[MsMewiththat]

Thank you tickle for your kind words and for posting. I struggle with causing pain in her life at this point, but with wanting to maybe allow for an opportunity to help her change her heart? You never know if she was aware or maybe fully aware and now remorseful, the forgiveness could come at a good time. It's so hard to know. I love my son with all I have and am so proud of the person that he is and chooses to be. I watch him take the high road daily and I learn from him... boy do I learn. Communication is very cool. He's a teenager yet and still, there are still days that I can't help but think God Bless him, before I do. But for the most part I am overwhelmed with pride at some of the things he does. Okay... enough.

[classyT]

MsMewiththat,

I went through something VERY similar when my son was in the 6th grade. I went to the school board and complained day and night. It is practically impossible to get a teacher fired. The woman actually had the NERVE to hang up on me when I let her know how inappropriate her behavior was. A couple of months after he left that school another mother came up to me and told me horror stories about her son and this teacher. She also got hung up on. My point is this... SHE IS DOING IT TO SOMEONE ELSE!! I assure you she is. Look at it this way, your son had YOU to put things into perspective for him... another little boy may not have that kind of support. A teacher can have very serious effects on a child's self esteem. My opinion is HE MUST WRITE IT. She needs to be aware and if I were you, I'd send a copy to the school board. There is NO excuse for a teacher to treat a student like she has. Too many people would love to have the job she doesn't deserve it. I think it is very appropriate and even if you don't send a copy to the school board.. maybe just maybe the letter will get to her if she has a heart at all. That's my opinion.

[MsMewiththat]

I can say that I am so sorry that you and your son went through what you went through. As you are going through it and as a Mother it is so hard to stay on the right path. I wanted to shake this woman and turn her life upside down. However, my duty and obligation was to my son and to keep his spirits high and help him learn from it so in the future regardless of the experience he will remember to learn something from it. At this point now that he is looking back and reflecting and still holding on to the pain of the situation I do agree that it would be important to let her know what she did. I also agree with sending it on to the school board almost in as a form of victim impact statement. They didn't want to do anything about it at the time she had tenure, so there really wasn't much to happen, but it would possibly open some eyes if in case this has happened since then. I would love nothing more than positives to come out of it. One would be for her to be prevented from doing it again to another student and two would be to get her to realize her ways and flaws. I'm not sure that she is able to be helped. However, I want so badly to spare another child you are so right about her most likely still victimizing little kids. Most likely wanting to break down the strong ones.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, your son is in high school,

Are these issues of pimps from 4th grade or in high school, I am confused

And to be honest with a t shirt that said ballers unite, he should have been sent home would have in our schools as soon as he walked in the door.

But it sounds like he is expecting to have his way and not expect life to not always be exactly his package.

I would say it is time for him to grow up and mom to not interfere esp if the child is not always in the right.

[classyT]

What in the world is wrong with ballers Unite? It is talking about BASKETBALL!! FR_Chuck, a teacher can have a profound effect on a child. What is wrong with caring about another child? Trust me... I personally was abused by my a school teacher.. my first grade teacher! Maybe if someone had stood up and confronted this teacher before I GOT there... it wouldn't have happened. Just a thought.

[MsMewiththat]

Fr Chuck ~ You must read before you comment. I'm sorry that you don't understand. Ballers unite was a t-shirt that he was wearing and I'm sorry that you don't understand it but it was a nike tshirt and ballers are footballers, basketballers and other ballers. NOT GANG MEMBERS. It's this type of narrowmindedness that causes problems and misunderstandings. This teacher didn't know me or my son or where we were coming from and she made some very wrong judgments very early on based on our ethnicity. My father is a c atholic deacon and when my son was asked by this teacher what do you know about gangs, my son said nothing, and she said sure what do you know what the signs and he said... do you mean the sign of the cross and she said see, you do know. Do you know anyone that's in a gang? My son said no, HOW IS THIS NOT Something THAT A MOTHER SHOULD NOT FOLLOW UP ABOUT? 4th grade... My son attended private school for kindergarten, public school for 1-5 and private catholic school for middle school. This happened in 4th grade at the public school. Pimps and Hookers is not appropriate lesson plan for any age student regardless of teenage or not. He's in the process of growing up and doing well at it. As long as he is under my roof and most likely beyond I will intervene. That is my JOB and my priveledge as a parent.

[KBC]

Fr Chuck ~ You must read before you comment. I'm sorry that you don't understand. Ballers unite was a t-shirt that he was wearing and I'm sorry that you don't understand it but it was a nike tshirt and ballers are footballers, basketballers and other ballers. NOT GANG MEMBERS. It's this type of narrowmindedness that causes problems and misunderstandings. This teacher didn't know me or my son or where we were coming from and she made some very wrong judgments very early on based on our ethnicity. My father is a c atholic deacon and when my son was asked by this teacher what do you know about gangs, my son said nothing, and she said sure what do you know what the signs and he said...do you mean the sign of the cross and she said see, you do know. Do you know anyone that's in a gang? My son said no, HOW IS THIS NOT SOMETING THAT A MOTHER SHOULD NOT FOLLOW UP ABOUT? 4th grade...... My son attended private school for kindergarten, public school for 1-5 and private catholic school for middle school. This happend in 4th grade at the public school. Pimps and Hookers is not appropriate lesson plan for any age student regardless of teenage or not. He's in the process of growing up and doing well at it. As long as he is under my roof and most likely beyond I will intervene. That is my JOB and my priveledge as a parent.

Nice rebuttal!

As for the writing to the teacher,first,is the teacher even working for the district anymore?

Second,is this letter going to be perceived by the teacher as an attack,in any way?

If not,I would greatly encourage the writing and expression of feelings,the growth and lessons learned,thanking someone isn't done much anymore.

My pharmacist went way out of his way today to get the 2 prescription companies to cover my medications,One company wanted their coverage to end Dec 1 and the other doesn't want to cover me until Jan. 1.. he got them to agree on how this should be accomplished and I am covered in the interim.

Do you think I am NOT writing the company and thanking them for this persons fortitude?

I am even giving him a Christmas card thanking him.

Point is,to thank someone for an action done(even a negative one where you grew in knowledge and experience from)is tremendously commendable,and I applaud this child to do the big thing of writing a letter.

Ken

[tickle]

Good reason for the OP to state where she is posting from. I am in Canada and I knew that 'Ballers Unite" (could the teacher have been from an other country or completely ignorant of Soccer in the UK!). I hadn't thought of that aspect.

Chuck lives in the states and may not be aware of soccer practices, catch phrases in the UK. So you can't really jump on his back for that ClassyT (do you live in the UK?) You don't indicate that.

This is a good reason for new people to indicate where they are posting from so misunderstandings don't occur.

[Moparbyfar]

Chuck lives in the states and may not be aware of soccer practices, catch phrases in the UK.

A good idea could be to ask "does this mean what I think it does?" before posting an opinion about it.

This is a good reason for new people to indicate where they are posting from so misunderstandings don't occur.

I'm not from the USA or from the UK so I didn't have a clue what it meant.:o

[artlady]

I think he not only should write to her but I think he has an obligation to do so.Not only for his own presence of mind but for all the future kids who could possibly be exploited by this horrible example of a teacher.
I think he should tell her that despite what she put him through he came out a winner!
As a retired teacher ,in a family of teachers,I find this appalling!
Good for your son that he was able to use this negative and turn it into a positive... he sounds like a rare young man!

[KBC]

[QUOTE=Moparbyfar

I'm not from the USA or from the UK so I didn't have a clue what it meant.:o[/QUOTE]

That was because the clarity of the shirts message wasn't there because the poster(being from outside the US),and response(from the US), were not on the same page.

[DoulaLC]

My guess is that the OP is in the states as some of the wording in reference to school and education is not used in the UK... spelling of some words would be different as well.

As a teacher I would want to receive a letter like that. While it is wonderful to hear back from former students whose lives you helped, it is also important to know when you have made an error in judgement.

Obviously we don't know the full story, since we can't hear from the teacher, but thankfully the vast majority of teachers are able to keep it together and act professionally even if there is a conflict of personalities as is bound to happen at some point... for whatever reason.

Regarding the t-shirt... some would know what it referred to, but that of course does not mean everyone else would. Any questionable t-shirt should be brought to the principal's attention and a decision made... most often, if there were any concern, just giving the student a different shirt to wear and a note home. Some schools will have stricter rules about these things than others. The lesson in pimps and hookers was certainly not necessary nor appropriate.

[Moparbyfar]

That was because the clarity of the shirts message wasn't there because the poster(being from outside the US),and response(from the US), were not on the same page.

Nah, it's just cose I'm slow lol!

[KBC]

Nah, it's just cose I'm slow lol!

NAH,you got it now didn't you?

Not slow,just a little maybe... lol:)

[Moparbyfar]

]NAH,you got it now didn't you?

Ballers, yeah, as in balling her eyes out. Right? LOL, kidding.

Not slow,just a little maybe... lol:)

HEY! Watch it! Officially speaking the rest of the world are behind us so if I'm a little slow, the time lapse makes us about even. :D

[KBC]

[QUOTE=Moparbyfar;

HEY! Watch it! Officially speaking the rest of the world are behind us so if I'm a little slow, the time lapse makes us about even. :D[/QUOTE]

Not knowing where a fellow(former ) Mopar fanatic is from... Where ARE you from?

[Moparbyfar]

New Zealand but shhhhh don't tell anyone it's a secret.

[KBC]

Way down under?

I know where you aaarrrreeee..

So would you write this teacher?