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mommy7901 · Dec 9, 2008, 12:23 PM

I got divorced June of 2006. My ex husband is an active drug user. He had standard order of visitation(every other weekend and every Wed) up until 11/07. The last time he saw our son was June 29 2007. He just stopped calling and then in November of 07 I took him to court for the drug use and the non support issue. In November of 2007 they reduced his visitation to 1 day a week supervised. After that he still never went threw with the supervised visitation, so it has been since June of 2007 since my son has seen his father. We are now at the point were we have to keep going back and forth to court since we started this battle. Last month was a sentencing for him due to non support. He did not show up so they issued a warrant for is arrest. I am so tired of going back and forth with court and spending my money when he gets a public deffender. He has called our son a total of 5 times in the past year and a half and he has not paid any child support since June of 2006. I was just wondering if there was a legal way through the courts that I could have all his rights taken.

MsMewiththat · Dec 9, 2008, 12:35 PM

I can't answer your question, but I want to ask you if it is possible for you to wait it out and not take away his rights or even try. Once he gets help and decides he wants to be a part of your child's life it would be nice if he was able. I'm sure I will get a lot of flack and even have this posting deleted, but taking away his rights won't ever change that he is his Dad. As angry as you are and completely justified in being angry, he's c urrently sick. Very sick. Have you seen this man to know that he is still around? How old is your child?

mommy7901 · Dec 9, 2008, 12:46 PM

Yes I know that he is still around, and I think that if he cared anything about his son he could at least call. I am not angry anymore I just want to stop going to court. I am a chemical dependency counselor and I don't really think that my ex husband will ever change he his been in and out of jail and treatment for 10 years, nothing works. My son has a father figure in his life and if he wanted to have a relationship with his biological father when he was of age he would be more than happy to, no questions asked. At this moment my son wants nothing to do with his father.

MsMewiththat · Dec 9, 2008, 02:07 PM

I get that. You still haven't said how old your son is.. and I guess you don't have to. However, at some point he will want to have something from him even if it's just an answer. Let it be. As long as your case is in the court systems and family court is calculating the amount that he owes, you can stop keeping tabs. It's not that you are "letting him get away with it" but he's sick. The more you push the further away he will get. The more trouble he is in the more that in his mind he will have a reason to self medicate. I'm not saying it's your fault but just STOP. Now that his visitation has been modified and it's established that he's not paying and he's been arrested for that. What other reasons do you have to go back to court. Give him time. If you stop he'll come around I can't guarantee it. However, if your son has ever had any type of relationship with his Dad he will start to ask and wonder and want it again. It won't be easy he'll get very andgry before he matures and realizes that he's sick. Yes it's still a choice that the father has made at one point to do drugs, but now he's just ill.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 9, 2008, 04:05 PM

Well the reasons to take away rights vary greatly by states in the US, in many it just won't happen unless you have a new partner to adopt. But with that said, in many if he goes to jail or prison for extended amount of time that can be grounds at time

mommy7901 · Dec 10, 2008, 03:10 PM

This is not about me keeping tabs on how much money he owes me this is about keeping my son away from a very dysfunctional family. There are drug dealers and alcoholics and drug addicts living under the same roof. I care nothing about the money. I care about the weel being of my child and the things that my child has come home and told me he has seen is awful and I will never let him experience that again. The fact that he has seen his father phically beat me when I went to pick him up and my son has been kidnapped I couldn't care less if you think he is ill. He makes the choices to use drugs it has nothing to do with me. You must be a father to be so for the fathers rights, also once you start court it never stops. I am the initial one who took him to court to get his visitation reduced but after that we have been to court 6 other times in the past year at the courts request for child support.

MsMewiththat · Dec 10, 2008, 03:22 PM

I'm not implying that you are in this for the money. I simply said that as to say let it go. You have had his visitation reduced and he isn't coming around so that takes care of him having anything to do with your son. Until he is clean and sober my guess is you won't have to worry about him coming around and even when you do his visitation is supervised, NO? Yes this is all his choice. This is him, this is his fault and this is his doing. Yes you and your son have to pay the cost but he is losing too. He just may not be fully aware at this point, but he is losing too. You have been through a lot and you and your son deserve better. Having to go back and forth to court is in fact no fun. However, if you start the process to have his rights removed you are going to be in court even more. I know that you are mad... hang in there.