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TheBiggmann · Dec 7, 2008, 07:35 PM

I've been with this girl for about 5 or 6 months now. When we first got together, she and her boyfriend had recently broken up as he had cheated on her, what we later found out to be multiple times. From the start he has continually texted and called her, always with some new story, or something to yell at her about. There were days where her entire call log on her cell phone would be filled with his attempts at getting a hold of her. He tried everything in the book, even saying his dad, who has cancer, had died, just to get her to talk to him. One night he even ran her off the road (the police were notified after this). The quantity of lies he has thrown at her is absolutely disgusting. About a month and a half, to two months ago, he moved with his dad down to Tennessee. While he is no longer near her, the process still occurs, just without the danger to her, and with less frequency. He now calls her a few times a day normally, with 5-10 texts interspersed. However, lately he has resorted to what appear to be suicide threats. One text message read something like "There are some things that are gonna happen that are completely on your shoulders. You should know that this is all on you, goodbye, and I love you." This has her completely torn apart. She doesn't know what to do, and it seems like she is slowly resigning herself to having to deal with this forever, as there are no options to her in sight. She can't cut him out of her life, for fear of him freaking out and hurting himself, but she can't keep talking to him, as she's said it is killing her, and every time it happens it's like having her heart broken again. She is falling apart from having to deal with it and it is pretty evident that this is true. We live in Wisconsin, are there any acts like Florida's Baker Act that might help her out with him? Or any other options that you guys know of? Also, who do we need to look under, here, or Tennessee, I'm actually assuming Tennessee but I'm not sure. Please help us out, I can't stand to watch her go through this any longer, but I don't know where to go with this, as Im totally uneducated in this area.

KBC · Dec 7, 2008, 08:06 PM

My first blush at this.

Change her cell phone #.

Reject ALL mail,home phone calls,text messages,ANY attempt from him.

It's called NO Contact.

His repeated attempts to manipulate her have been very successful.End this now.Any further contact will start the never ending process all over again.Stopping all contact will begin the healing process.

Please,for her sake,look into the NC.

TheBiggmann · Dec 7, 2008, 08:07 PM

I've tried getting her to do that. She's afraid that will put him over the edge and thus far has not been willing to take that chance. Is this rational?

KBC · Dec 7, 2008, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by TheBiggmann

I've tried getting her to do that. She's afraid that will put him over the edge and thus far has not been willing to take that chance. Is this rational?

Her problem is not him.

They are not a couple,she is only responsible for her welfare(and by the looks of this,she is suffering,un necessarily)

TheBiggmann · Dec 7, 2008, 08:12 PM

Aaaghh, that's what I keep trying to tell her, but she just says if something happens to him, whether it really should be on her shoulders or not, she will feel responsible for it, probably for the rest of her life.

KBC · Dec 7, 2008, 08:16 PM

She needs to shake this responsibility for HIS well being,this is just him manipulating her.

Is she around?

Maybe this site will help her to see things in a new perspective.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

I hope she can see this and learn to use it in her life.

KBC

TheBiggmann · Dec 7, 2008, 09:54 PM

No, unfortunately she is not. She doesn't actuall know about this yet. But we were talking tonight and throughout this she has insisted she will solve it but she just really for the first time seemed like she felt there was no hope with it, and I decided I had to see what could be done. Getting her to see she has no personal responsibility to him is like trying to swim to Australia in a lead suit. I don't know what to do to get her to see that. It's just her personality, she's naturally caring and compassionate, and I can't get her past it. Is there a specific part in the personal boundaries article she should look at?

KBC · Dec 7, 2008, 10:08 PM

Actually, the whole site is necessary for someone to seek answers.

It takes a conscious effort to learn the boundries and to effectively put them into motion.

Remember,she(gf) is going to have to change the way she sees herself and develop new ways to deal with the world around her,in a productive way.

She has been internalizing this anxiety,self judging herself as being weak and taking the blame for things she hasn't been responsible for.

You could look at this site and help her learn,and learn along with her,as a sounding board.

Hope to see her address this and hear how it goes for both of you.

KBC