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angelaneedshelp · Dec 4, 2008, 12:46 PM

(Rambling) My boyfriend and I moved in together 6 months ago... as recent as two weeks ago he was excited about our marriage potential and working over for a ring... then all of a sudden he became cold and started staying out real late... always saying things like I'm not sure about getting married now, maybe you should move and we still date, we were better in separate houses, I need to get myself together, you deserve the best, you are a good woman,etc... he stated that he needs to decide if he even wants to be a husband that he can put money together for me to move... I told him thanks anyway and moved the next day, I am a real estate agent... he seems angry or devastated... now he hasn't called other than a "did you take this" yesterday... haven't heard from him today... what should I expect next... love him thought we could try the relationship without the "live-in" to keep things balanced... have I ruined things by following his lead... friends keep saying he was bluffing and I took him up on it so he probably will not call me anymore... I thought I was following his desires... didnt want the pressure... his last question to me the night before " i put my foot in my mouth didn't i, you worked that out that quick?":confused:

ashey23ole · Dec 4, 2008, 12:50 PM

He either found someone else or its just possible he got cold feet when he really thought of marriage. Maybe he's scared, maybe he needs reinforcment and to be told there's no rush.

However, him staying out late and not calling you may mean there might be more than cold feet..

Hope his helped

kctiger · Dec 4, 2008, 12:51 PM

Sounds to me like he just got freaked out for a minute. When you first move in with someone, especially your partner, you really start to see what you two are made of. Some people see things moving too fast and are afraid this may be the end of their childhood so to speak. I am scared to death of moving in with a woman. It is a huge step and it involves a lot of changes that people don't even thing about. I don't think you guys are finished. I would just leave it be for awhile and see how it plays out.

TrueFaith · Dec 4, 2008, 12:56 PM

Ha! :)

I must say you are a strong women.
You probable just shocked the hell out of him.
He was thinking you would cry and say oh we can work this out. Etc etc.

But you go.. Ok. And move the next day.

You know what.. you Did the RIGHT THING!
And yeah he is probable hurt. And he is scared of getting married. He feels that he can't bring money in

But you just tell him next time when you met him.

( hey you wanted this you act cold with me? You go out all night?
Then you tell me you think it would be best if I move out? Your not ready for marriage. What am I suppose to think.. when you tell me
Something like that?)

If you want live in different houses and still date and date things slow. Then go for it. If that's what you want.

I think this is all down to him being scared.
Talk with him a bit.

Oh yeah the going out late and all that. Can be him being really really scared. And drinking and trying to get his mind off all this! I doubt he is sleeping around
If so. He would not be so hurt that you moved out

All the best

talaniman · Dec 4, 2008, 02:20 PM

He 's scared LOL, and maybe leaving him alone will help, but for sure that's a preview of how he handles things.

If he gets over his fear, talk a lot before you move in together. I do mean a lot!!

angelaneedshelp · Dec 14, 2008, 02:19 PM

For those of you who read my Moved Out question... here's the latest help! (still rambling)

After a couple days he began to call again and inquire about different stuff, what's due, remote for TV, etc... calls every couple of days... I would answer calls but would not initiate... 3 days ago called to ask if I thought moving out was the right thing to do and then continued to tell me how we are not together, doesn't see it in the future, move on, etc. etc... after a couple of hours he called a couple more times that afternoon... I wouldn't answer... hurt enough...

I work in a flea market type setting... he rented a booth in there yesterday... what the??

Open to interpretation...

talaniman · Dec 15, 2008, 09:52 AM

Sit this guy down, and talk to him, and see what his intention really are, as he acts like he wants you, but has a big problem dealing with his feelings, but be cautious, and make sure his actions match his words.

Under no circumstances agree to move back in, but he needs to know how his actions have hurt you, and broken the bond that held you together, and drove a wedge between you.

Don't waste time playing games, just get to the truth, and if he is still wishy washy, tell him to leave you alone, and stop wasting your time.

I honestly think your wasting time on him any way, as he has a lot of growing to do, and I don't see that happening soon, or with you.

Moving out was a good move definitely. He is just not ready for a serious, committed, healthy, adult relationship, that's my opinion.

angelaneedshelp · Dec 28, 2008, 06:03 PM

(rambling) He is back at it again... he has begun to bring a young girl to church... not getting a reaction from me so now really angry with me... other church members are addressing his disrespect... blames me... walks around looking like he is chewing nails... slow walking around my workplace from my booth... what is he trying to accomplish with all the antics... jealous... has he moved on... don't know what to think... help!!

kctiger · Dec 29, 2008, 09:53 AM

You are letting his immaturity mess with your mind... games are for children, so don't play into his.

He seems like he is trying to make you wonder... perhaps he has accomplished his mission. Time to turn it around.

liz28 · Dec 29, 2008, 11:20 AM

He's just trying to get a reaction from you or maybe this is how he handle things.

It's sounds like communication was lacking between the two of you because I don't understand how someone could just change like the way he did but people do.

Move on because you need a strong man in your life not someone who is going play games and run away when things get serious.

Give him his things so that he can stop calling you to be petty because that is him way of staying in your life. He got his wish so he should leave you along. Boy does he knows how to drag on a situation or what?

Btw, I hope you kept a list of all the things you gave to him so that he won't call you 2 months from now asking for it. Maybe it's time to get a new #.

angelaneedshelp · Dec 29, 2008, 01:39 PM

Thanks all... tried to have that talk... WOW... how did I miss all of this... lol

First 6 yes six times we talked he was cool... still trying to get a reaction with sly remarks... I told him I was fine.. God has me... tried to at least end on one accord...

Call 7 he made was to scream curse banter and then declare I want to fight the girl he brought to church... you know the rest... btw denied the 1st 6 calls... what... needs meds

Guess what then he made a call 8... didn't answer... My New Year begins by burying the past... lol