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confused in lov · Dec 4, 2008, 04:19 AM

My husband of 8 years announced last night that he has been having an affair and his girlfriend is pregnant. They are both attorneys. We have 2 kids together and what I thought was a pretty good marriage. My husband and I make about the same amount of money and his girlfriend makes the same as both of our salaries combined. He does not want to marry or live with her and is confused if he wants to stay with me and his two children. We have a pre-nup. We bought a house but I can not afford the house on just my income. If we separate will I get enough child support to afford the house? The economy is so bad I do not think I can sell it.

tickle · Dec 4, 2008, 05:39 AM

I wouldn't make any rash decisions right now. Nothing you will regret later, as your situation implies that you think you may not make it on your own financially.

I am not saying stay in a relationship just for the money, but surely the two of you can work it out amicably. There are children involved, eight years of marriage, a house and he does say he doesn't think he wants to live with her, but truth be told, there will be another bridge to cross when the baby arrives. If you two are strong enough (and you still love him) you can weather this out. Get a counsellor, sit down and talk, do anything but don't give up.

stinawords · Dec 4, 2008, 02:59 PM

There is no way to tell you how much child support you would get. It is based off a percentage of his income every state has a formula that they just plug the numbers into and it spits out the support amount. That being said he will also owe support payments to her whether the two of you stay together or not.

cdad · Dec 4, 2008, 03:47 PM

Other then the small details is there anything in the prenup that addresses this situation. Some have it in there where the other party cheats and its not a prenup anymore. Are there any more details in it ?

JudyKayTee · Dec 4, 2008, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by confused in lov

My husband of 8 years announced last night that he has been having an affair and his girlfriend is pregnant. They are both attorneys. We have 2 kids together and what I thought was a pretty good marriage. My husband and I make about the same amount of money and his girlfriend makes the same as both of our salaries combined. He does not want to marry or live with her and is confused if he wants to stay with me and his two children. We have a pre-nup. We bought a house but I can not afford the house on just my income. If we separate will I get enough child support to afford the house? The economy is so bad I do not think I can sell it.

I honestly doubt you will get enough in child support to support the children and keep the house if so far you've used both incomes to do so. Only you know your financial requirements and abilities. Suddenly the two incomes that went into one household are divided between two households. Here is the California child support calculator: California Child Support Calculator

As CalifDad said, I've seen prenups set aside if one party "cheats" and that's covered in the agreement. It's usually language about fault.

I am not giving personal advice because you have not asked for it but it might be a good idea to consult with an Attorney now to protect yourself. The injured party has been known to sign away rights out of confusion and pain.

confused in lov · Dec 4, 2008, 04:08 PM

Spoke with an attorney today Iwould get around 1500 now since both kids are in daycare 1000 next year when the oldest enters kindergarten. The question is should I stay??

JudyKayTee · Dec 4, 2008, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by confused in lov

Spoke with an attorney today Iwould get around 1500 now since both kids are in daycare 1000 next year when the oldest enters kindergarden. The question is should I stay????????

Okay, now that you've asked - :)

I'm an investigator. I see what I call serial cheaters (affair after affair, no one learns from the first affair) and I see one time, terrible mistake cheaters.

Would I stay for the money? No.

Would I stay because two kids need a father, he's an otherwise decent man (and I know I'll get comments that no decent man cheats, but I think they do), you love him, you've built a life together - yes. Would I ask that you both speak to a counsellor - would I DEMAND counselling - yes. Do I think you can get beyond this? Yes.

But first he has to decide what he's going to do. I think you're walking a fine line here (you don't want to push him into her arms but he shouldn't stay out of pure responsibility).

Only you know what's in your heart and what is best for your future. You must first take care of yourself before you can care for anyone else - what is best for you and, of course, your children?

And I'll throw in one more thing which I am going to shout because maybe you need to hear it - so excuse the shouting: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

cdad · Dec 4, 2008, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by confused in lov

Spoke with an attorney today Iwould get around 1500 now since both kids are in daycare 1000 next year when the oldest enters kindergarden. The question is should I stay????????

Should I stay??

That's not a legal question nor one that anyone here can help answer because its your life. Its up to you as to how you live it.

J_9 · Dec 4, 2008, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by confused in lov

The question is should I stay????????

The real question is can you live with this if you stay? Could you trust him if you stay?

Another question is about their jobs. They both are attorneys, do they work against each other? i.e is he a plaintiff attorney and she a defense attorney? There may be ethical questions here that may very possibly get one or them both disbarred. I've seen it done.

stinawords · Dec 4, 2008, 05:21 PM

Your decision to stay is just that... your decision. What do you want? You have to know that if you leave what your attorney told you about support is a good estimate so between that money and what you make that is how you support you and your children entirely. I'm not telling you to stay for money though so don't get me wrong. If you do try to stay together he still has the option to leave and as I said before whether he is with you or on his own he will still have to pay her support as well. So if you do try to work things out you will need counseling you may think you can get over this and move on but after you see "your family" losing money to what many reference as "her family" you may feel different and that is where counseling is even more important because that child is as much his child as the children the two of you have together.