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Dillons · Dec 1, 2008, 03:13 AM

I met this girl about a year ago, and even though I dated numerous people at the time, she is the only one that has kept at the forefront of my mind. I have one failed 6 month relationship, that I ended when I asked myself if they were what I really wanted, and remembered this girl.

Unfortunately, I was sleeping with her best friend when I met her. Obviously when I asked her out at the time she knocked me back. I then lost contact but thought of her valentines day this year, when I sent her 2 dozen red roses to her workplace. She kncoked me back again, lol. It was soon after this that I got together with the other girl, only 2 months later. I realise now that I was using her to cope with the feelings of rejection.

So, 1 year since we first met, and having ended my new relationship, I decided to contact her again, giving that her best friend is now preganant and living with her new boyfriend. She let me in to talk to her on msn, and we quickly established friendship. We talked every day for 4 weeks. She had just broken up with her boyfriend after finding him cheating on her, and that he cheated on her when she was with him in their first relationship of 2yrs. She had just got back with him for 2.5 months. I contcated her just 2 weeks after this split and she was clearly still upset.

We both share the same dreams, and I have been honest about my feelings for her, and she has been very interested in them and said she won't play with them. However, when asking her she closes off completely. But she did say that there is a possibility we may get together, and she has clearly left cues to leave me hoping in a possibility. But she states she just needs a friend at the minute.

My feelings are very strong for her, and I am afraid as I put myself on the line and fall for her more, that I will end up getting hurt. Is she using my emtions to make her feel better, or is she just not ready, and I should continue to see her?

Our contact has slowed recently as I put a little pressure on her last week. Should I back off completely and let her do the work, or continue to check on her with a text every day? Maybe I should not text her and give her the space she needs? Let her contact me when she's ready?

Dillons · Dec 1, 2008, 09:31 AM

Well I've decided to let her go. I told her that we had all the right stuff for a long lasting relationship, but believed that she needs the emotional space at the moment. And that maybe we'll both be in the right place at some point in the future. I apologised for putting pressure on her, and said it would be a good idea to stop meeting even as friends due to the confusion for both of us. I said that when the time is right, we'll both know.

Wish me luck! But I had a good cry to myself and feel a hell of a lot better already

:)

Homegirl 50 · Dec 1, 2008, 11:11 AM

What you did was what I would have advised.
You both need space. Take it and grow. You guys may hook up some time in the future.

Dillons · Dec 1, 2008, 11:27 AM

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I think just by writing it all down, it helped me to rationalise it all and see sense.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 1, 2008, 11:31 AM

Yeah, writing something down and then reading it often helps you see things a little clearer.
Good luck

Dillons · Dec 7, 2008, 02:43 AM

Well...

Have not spoken to her in the last week at all. Things have been fine for me, but she's not totally off my mind. I certainly can not bear the thought of dating anyone at the minute.

Found myself feeling really sad last night and missing her company a lot, but I suppose that is only natural when you're used to having a lot of contact with someone, that ends abruptly.

It will be interesting to see if I do move on. However, I feel I can't forget about her. I know all of her faults, yet they don't phase me at all and I accept them all. Oh God, this sounds like Love doesn't it?

I'll wait a few months, see how I feel and send her a valentines set of flowers, and try again.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 7, 2008, 10:05 AM

It is not easy nor is it wise IMO to jump right into dating someone else after a break up.
You need time to heal and reflect.
Some people seem to think they need to always be dating someone. Being single, or your own can be a good thing.
Take your time, it will get better. By Valentines day you may not even have the desire to send her anything (which I don't think is a good idea) or you two may be together again, who knows.
Take it one day at a time.