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lilstarshard · Nov 28, 2008, 10:17 AM

I've had this friend, M, for about 4 years now. We were mainly friends through friends, but still pretty close. Our mutual friend then moved away, and we became closer and talked every day. We do have a lot of similar interests and almost always got along. M is a very selfish person, though. I think it should also be mentioned that he is gay, which may be the cause for some of his thoughts and actions. He will ask people for things that he wants, and sometimes only comes around for those things, even though he comes from a fairly-wealthy family. He puts himself in #1 position, and a lot (if not all) of his actions reflect this. He cannot place the blame on himself, and only others. These attributes are only becoming more prominent as time passes.

But for the past year he was in a destructive relationship. The person was using him, and we all saw it except for him. But despite us raising our concerns, he defended the relationship to the end. In the meantime he was using prescription drugs (not prescribed to him) heavily. But he denied everything. His relationship even lead him to try much harder drugs. Eventually after he found out this person who he was with was prostituting themselves out the entire time during the relationship he ended it. I was there for support. I was always there to talk to.

But around the time that he ended the relationship is when he turned 21 and started to go to old friends of his who were his age to go drinking with. Me, being still 20, can't go to the bar with him. So all of a sudden these people were his new closest friends. His closest of these friends, E, is very similar to him. She loves pills like he does and is a self-proclaimed alcoholic. She thinks only of herself, and will straight up ask people for what she wants. And whenever I would see him it was at HIS convenience and he would ask me for things. He asks for things even though he gets a higher wage at his work, takes less hours of school and has more time to work. I distanced myself and only saw him when we ran into each other. His attitude towards me was always that everything is fine and we are still best friends. Eventually I hit a breaking point and was tired of acting like everything was fine. I told him simply that I felt I couldn't trust him, that he uses people, and that he is a drug addict. Of those three things he snapped about the drug addict part. He also tried to turn everything on me, and some things he was saying was simply ridiculous.

So now we aren't talking. I miss him, and I don't want to ignore him when I run into him, but I just don't agree with him. I don't agree with how he treats people and how he can't fathom the thought of placing the blame on himself. I'm not the only one who feels this way. Our mutual friends that all tied us together also feel the same way about him. He also claims that he has NEVER lied to any of us, even though both my friend and I have caught him in several straight-faced lies.

Am I justified for raising my concerns to him and now cutting him out of my life now that I know he can't see what he's doing? I just can't sit there and pretend everything is OK like he does when how I feel is just eating me up inside. Any suggestions?

Thanks! :)

450donn · Nov 30, 2008, 05:16 PM

People in this sort of a death spiral require you to get as far away as fast as you can. Unless you want to end up in the same situation. Unless they ask for or want to get help your best bet is to escape and I mean now.

N0help4u · Nov 30, 2008, 06:57 PM

People like that are in denial and will never see where they are wrong. You can't save him, you can't save the relationship. You may miss him but for your own sanity love him from a distance---a far distance. He may be a fun person and all but there are plenty of people in this world. You need to look at it like ''You will always have a place in my heart but it is time for me to move on.''
You will see as you get older that even though people were your friends when you were in your 20's time and situations move people apart even though years later you still think about them, you still care about them, not all friends are there years later so let him go.
You can keep him on your myspace or where ever so that one day if you ever think back and wonder what he is up to you have him there as a contact. But for now it is best to go in separate directions.

umarmadrid · Dec 1, 2008, 07:20 AM

As salam aley kum. I want to ask question about friendship. I have a one close friend. He tell me. His heart not clean last 2 years from side of me. And I don't no that. And I keep talking as a friend. I share all things with him. Becos my heart clean always for any one. I fell shoked about this matter. I am very sad about this. And from that day. I did not talk with him. He told me so many things bad. But I never care. But when he told me this things his heart not clean from side of me. I get sad.
Can you help me and show me the way. Weather I have to talk with him. As before or I have to broke this friendship.

umarmadrid · Dec 1, 2008, 07:21 AM

As salam aley kum. I want to ask question about friendship. I have a one close friend. He tell me. His heart not clean last 2 years from side of me. And I don't no that. And I keep talking as a friend. I share all things with him. Becos my heart clean always for any one. I fell shoked about this matter. I am very sad about this. And from that day. I did not talk with him. He told me so many things bad. But I never care. But when he told me this things his heart not clean from side of me. I get sad.
Can you help me and show me the way. Weather I have to talk with him. As before or I have to broke this friendship

lilstarshard · Dec 1, 2008, 07:28 PM

Yeah.. I know I need to get away, and I'm smart enough not to get into the same mess that he's in. Its just we were so close and such good friends a year ago that it hurts to say goodbye. Its also hard when he is in denial of everything. So he makes me second-guess my "accusations". But yeah I'm done talking to him. Its been a couple weeks and I'm already starting to miss him less, mainly because I don't have to be around someone I simply don't trust