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Alty · Nov 24, 2008, 11:47 PM

Remember, be sincere, that's very important.

If she says no, I know it will feel like the end of the world, but really, you'll live. We've all been through the pain of heart break, some of us more than once. ;)

Just talk to her, really, don't be scared, just show her that you mean what you are saying, and tell her everything you've said here.

Yes, she could turn you down, but she could also take you back. You won't know until you ask. :)

starbuck8 · Nov 24, 2008, 11:50 PM

Okay, calm your jets dear. I see what you mean, but I can sense the urgency in your words, and you need to back up a little. Take a step back from the situation. If she sees that you are too anxious, you are going to push her away. Don't go rushing in, full speed ahead. It's all good to have a focus on your goal, but I think you need to calm down a little. I do understand what you are saying, but unless you do it in the right manner, you might just drive her in the other direction if you seem too willing or needy.

Alty · Nov 24, 2008, 11:55 PM

I agree with Starby (sorry Starbs, couldn't give you a greenie, I had to spread the rep ;)).

If you seem to eager that may make her run in the other direction. You have to be calm about this, be rational. Be sincere, be yourself, but be calm above all.

You have to approach this the way you would a scared rabbit. You know that she asked for a break for a reason, she may still be a bit scared of the thought of a relationship with you. You have to show her you've changed, and being calm is one of those changes.

So, breath, breath, breath, and relax. Whatever happens, happens, just take it easy. :)

smurf69 · Nov 25, 2008, 12:20 AM

I know what ye mean but now I'm afraid I will word how I feel badly and push her away I get so nervous it stupid I know but I really don't want to mess up the 1 chance I have

starbuck8 · Nov 25, 2008, 12:37 AM

Sit down and write out what you want to say. Read it, re-read it, and write it again. Write it until it sounds right to you. Write it on here if if you want opinions. Get it straight in your mind what you want to say! Don't be pushy! Don't be demanding! Don't act needy or overbearing! Just write out your feelings, and the things that you would like to say. Don't make it long. Don't go into details. Just write what's in your heart. Above ALL, don't get your hopes up high. You still have to remember that she will not want this, so be prepared for that.

Chery · Nov 25, 2008, 03:27 AM

OK, first... you never get them back - not the way it was before. People grow and move on, and at that age, it happens often. You need to accept and cope with rejection no matter what or with whom. None of us like rejection, but it is part of life and we have to learn to deal with it in many aspects.

Go to the relationships section and read the first four stickies there. You'll notice that you are not the only one this has happened to and that you will not be the last. We've all been there, done that and survived. And, I promise, you will survive this too.

You might think this is not the usual 'crush' and that this one is 'meant to be', but you have to remember it takes two to think in the same way and she has moved on to living her life without the stress that you two had. Accept this and gain her trust and friendship back... but don't expect anything further unless she is willing to give you another chance at more.

If you keep on trying to convince her that you have changed, and bother her, you will 'push' her away so leave her alone until she is ready to contact you.

Once a girl decides to leave a relationship she means it, seriously, and there is nothing you can do to change that. The best you can do now is maintain friendship with her, but at her pace - so leave her the space and time to like you again and don't push it. Be cordial, friendly, and don't start with the jealousy bit - that and drinking are the worst enemies of friendships and partnerships, so please keep that foremost in your mind.

The only one you can change is yourself. You also learned a lesson about what NOT to do when your are with a partner, remember that lesson so that it does not happen again.

Alcohol can ruin a lot of things in a relationship and also in your body and mind. I'm an alcoholic (dry for over 20 years) and glad that I don't drink any more. It changed my health, personality, and drove a few very good people away.. so if you can, please get off the juice and stay off. It is not really 'cool' to get drunk, costs a lot and shows others that you are weak and not in control of yourself. Find out the reason you have for getting drunk, work on it and become your own boss. Get your self-respect back and set some better goals to reach.

Now, after reading that you want to hear it from her own mouth.. she already told you and friends that she does not want to go through it again... isn't that enough of a message?

Also, your promise that she will never 'see this side of you' again is a promise that you cannot even make to yourself, let alone to anyone else right now. I bet that if she told you face-to-face that it is over, the first thing you'd probably do is get drunk. So stop making promises you cannot keep. Be realistic and face life as it comes and cope with it as best as you can. That's all we humans can do. Some things in life are harder than others, but we all go through them and have to deal with them as they come. That is what makes us mature and grow stronger, or it drives us to self-destruction because some of us cannot get off the pity-pot. Which are you going to do? Grow or sink deeper in self-pity? It's your choice dear, and I sincerely hope you make the right one.

As Starbuck8 and Altenweg said, do it for you and be calm about it! We all have that initial fear of rejection, but we also have to learn how to stand up and deal with it - it's all part of our being human and we have to overcome this fear. It gets easier and easier down the road once you've learned how the first time.

So again, it's your decision as to how you deal with that fear - but at least you'll know where you stand and can go on from there.

What's this 'pulling out all the stops'?? This is no game, you have to go along with your feelings and also her reactions... so don't plan this like in a stupid TV show... this is real life and there are no guarantees. Again, keep a cool head on your shoulder and if she says no - so what, deal with it.

Believe me, we've all been there. Again, I sincerely hope you get over your fears and accept that friendships are just as important as relationships at your age.

Good luck dear, and keep us updated.

Alty · Nov 25, 2008, 09:07 AM

Chery, I had to spread the rep, but I wanted to say, great advice, straight from the heart and no nonsense. :)

Smurf, listen to us, give it a try, but be prepared that no matter how much you want this, it might not happen and you might have to move on.

We're here if you need us. :)

smurf69 · Nov 25, 2008, 01:50 PM

Hey everybody thank you so much for all the great advice I have some good news my ex received my letter and made contact with me she wants to meet face to face and really talk about things I'm not going to get ahead of myself I know the ball is still in her court and it could go either way but she has told me that she hopes we can work things out because she really misses me <3