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BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 05:42 PM

Hi there,

I would like to know from people out there if it is possible to call off an engagement.

Check it, I have been with this girl for almost 2 years and we got engaged about 2 months ago. Since then, its been constant fights, and she has tried to leave me many times even in just these 2 months.

She always comes back a few hours, or at most a day later saying she is sorry, but she is depressed and stuff, and doesn't think she can have a wedding. So I suggested we push it back, but she doesn't want that either, because she was never one to want a wedding.

We are doing it so we can be together, and she said she will do it so she can be with me properly, but she feels so bad and stuff about it now, because she has no friends to invite and her family is very small and stuff, so she just wants to get it over and done with, which is not cool with me, because I don't feel good having a wedding and marrying someone who just wants to get it over with, there is no joy in that.

So I'm thinking of calling the wedding off, and I know it is possible and people have done it, but I just want to ask, to see how many people have done it, how did they do it, and what happened later? I love her a lot and I know she loves me just as much, but she just doesn't seem able to do it, its just too hard for her, so I'm trying to do what's best for her, but it is going to hurt us both, and its not what I want to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

talaniman · Nov 20, 2008, 06:01 PM

Just call it off, what's the problem. I would, as she act as if she doesn't want what you want.

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 07:07 PM

See the thing is, she says she does and sometimes she acts like it too, but then she flips back to not wanting it... just like many other posts on here, its like a roller coaster... I feel like I want to get off, but at the same time, I don't...

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 07:16 PM

I didn't, and forever after I wish I had.

I say, do it and give her a chance to get herself mentally and emotionally healthy.

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I didn't, and forever after I wish I had.

I say, do it and give her a chance to get herself mentally and emotionally healthy.

Wow... scary... thanks for the advice...

So do you think I should break it off with her completely, or call off the engagement and help her through her problems, then if things are OK later on, get engaged again? Or should I just completely leave... never to return again..

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 07:24 PM

Well, you tell me. How much do you love her? Are you willing to wait and to meanwhile help her find herself? If you really love her, it could turn out to be a fulfilling adventure for both of you. You may find more of yourself too.

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Well, you tell me. How much do you love her? Are you willing to wait and to meanwhile help her find herself? If you really love her, it could turn out to be a fulfilling adventure for both of you. You may find more of yourself too.

I know I love her more than anything in this world... but she doesn't want to put off the engagement for a year or something while she gets better, because she doesn't even think it can happenn... she is feeling that bad... I told her we'll call off the engagement, but she said if we do that, she will feel more stressed and feel like more of a loser could we had to call things off because of her... It's a lose lose situation, but I know I love her enough to do anything for her...

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

I know I love her more than anything in this world... but she doesn't want to put off the engagment for a year or something while she gets better, coz she doesn't even think it can happenn... she is feeling that bad... I told her we'll call off the engagement, but she said if we do that, she will feel more stressed and feel like more of a loser could we had to call things off coz of her... Its a lose lose situation, but I know I love her enough to do anything for her...

Ok, how about this--continue to be engaged to her, but set parameters. She has to (with your help) find a counselor and go there twice a week at first. The counselor may send her to a psychiatrist who will talk with her and who may suggest meds to help her brain chemistry get back into synch. The counselor will help her set goals and expect her to meet those goals. Your fiancée will be accountable and will begin to lose the stress and will even begin to feel like a winner.

Would that work?

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 08:57 PM

Wow... that sounds like a really great idea... cool... well, I managed to talk her into going to see a counselor... don't know how long she will stick with that, because she has trust issues and is not comfortable around people, so I don't know if she will really open up and deal with her issues, but its worth a try.

Problem is I was just on the phone to her and she is now saying she feels so useless and is planning to kill herself. She has felt like this before and it goes off after a while, but she always feels useless and blames me for the way her life is, though she made those mistakes on her own...

Anyway, We'll see what happens, I hope she will go to the counselor and get something sorted out there at least, and I guess we will stay engaged and see how it goes... But I'm losing hope fast... :(

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Wow... that sounds like a really great idea... cool... well, I managed to talk her into going to see a counselor... don't know how long she will stick with that, coz she has trust issues and is not comfortable around people, so I don't know if she will really open up and deal with her issues, but its worth a try.

Problem is I was just on the phone to her and she is now saying she feels so useless and is planning to kill herself. She has felt like this before and it goes off after a while, but she always feels useless and blames me for the way her life is, though she made those mistakes on her own...

Anyway, We'll see what happens, I hope she will go to the counselor and get something sorted out there at least, and I guess we will stay engaged and see how it goes... But I'm losing hope fast... :(

Tell her Wondergirl (Carol) in Chicagoland wants her to give this a chance. One person (ME!! ) besides you believes in her. She can do this. It will work. I've seen it happen many times. Some of them were even my own clients.

Obama said yes, we can. That means your girlfriend too--yes, she can! She has a responsibility to you and me to give it a try.

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Tell her Wondergirl (Carol) in Chicagoland wants her to give this a chance. One person (ME!!!) besides you believes in her. She can do this. It will work. I've seen it happen many times. Some of them were even my own clients.

Obama said yes, we can. That means your girlfriend too--yes, she can!! She has a responsibility to you and me to give it a try.

Lol! Thanks a lot... I will well her that... yeah, now she has double the responsibility to keep going... thanks heaps :)

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Lol! Thanks alot... I will well her that... yeah, now she has double the responsibility to keep goin... thanks heaps :)

Any time. Now it's YOUR responsibility to stay in contact with me to keep me informed about how things are going. I want regular reports. I INSIST on regular reports. And don't forget. Obama lives in this area too, and I just might mention it to him if I don't hear from you and then Homeland Security will hunt you down.

(If you can't put a little humor into life and problems, what good are they?? )

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 09:13 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Any time. Now it's YOUR responsibility to stay in contact with me to keep me informed about how things are going. I want regular reports. I INSIST on regular reports. And don't forget. Obama lives in this area too, and I just might mention it to him if I don't hear from you and then Homeland Security will hunt you down.

(If you can't put a little humor into life and problems, what good are they???)

Lol! Cool cool... I will provide you updates as and when they happen... thanks Wondergirl... you really are a Wonder... and yeah, we all need a little humor in our lives... :)

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Lol! Cool cool... I will provide you updates as and when they happen... thanks Wondergirl

I check this site about 100 times a day until about to a.m. CST. I'll be waiting and watching for updates and messages from you. Do not disappoint me.

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 09:21 PM

And you ARE up to this, I hope? You have enough charm and charisma and chutzpah to pull this off and convince her to hang in there and get some good help? AND be there for her every inch of the way??

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 09:25 PM

I will give u updates as much as I can... I'm on here for 8 hours everyday while I'm at work... so I'll tell you what's up when ever I can.

I know I love her more than anything, and I will do anything I possibly can to help her. I will not let her go without a fight... and I'm talking World War 3... I do believe I have what it takes to get her through this and I hope and pray she will be stronger than before at the end of all this, standing next to me... I'll be with her every step of the way... :)

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2008, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

I will give u updates as much as I can... I'm on here for 8 hours everyday while I'm at work... so I'll tell you whats up when ever I can.

I know I love her more than anything, and I will do anything I possibly can to help her. I will not let her go without a fight... and I'm talking World War 3... I do believe I have what it takes to get her through this and I hope and pray she will be stronger than before at the end of all this, standing next to me... I'll be with her every step of the way... :)

YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! It sounds like we have a plan!!

Now, let's DO it!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

I'll be with you, sitting on your shoulder and (softly) cheering in your ear.

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! It sounds like we have a plan!!!!!

Now, let's DO it!!!!!!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! !

I'll be with you, sitting on your shoulder and cheering in your ear.

Haha... thanks... nice image... Hope I don't go deaf.. but its for a good cause anyway... so go for it.. lol

Lets hope she can do it... I'll do my part and help her along... but she must want it too... fingers crossed... all of them... lol ;)

ZoeMarie · Nov 20, 2008, 09:31 PM

It looks like I'm a little late on this thread. I hope everything works out for you two.

If not, don't be afraid to call it off. Better to do it early on in the engagement before any plans are made and deposits are put down. I called off my engagement to a guy I was with for 4 years. We were engaged for 3 of those years with no actual date set, if that gives you any indication of why that didn't work. Lol.

I really do hope that you guys can work things out though. It sounds like she just has some problems that she needs to get through. And you're totally right, you should both want to get married. It's not fun if you're going to get married and the other person just wants to get it over with. The actual ceremony would kind of lose it's meaning without both people being excited about the wedding, at least I think so.

Good luck with everything!

BlackVY · Nov 20, 2008, 09:33 PM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

It looks like I'm a little late on this thread. I hope everything works out for you two.

If not, don't be afraid to call it off. Better to do it early on in the engagement before any plans are made and deposits are put down. I called off my engagement to a guy I was with for 4 years. We were engaged for 3 of those years with no actual date set, if that gives you any indication of why that didn't work. lol.

I really do hope that you guys can work things out though. It sounds like she just has some problems that she needs to get through. And you're totally right, you should both want to get married. It's not fun if you're going to get married and the other person just wants to get it over with. The actual ceremony would kind of lose it's meaning without both people being excited about the wedding, at least I think so.

Good luck with everything!

Never too late for advice...

Thanks a lot... Last thing I'd want to do is call it off, but I have to think what's best for her, not me. I do hope we can get her through her problems and issues, then maybe she'll be happy about the whole thing. I want her to want to marry me and have a nice wedding. Weird to hear a guy say that, but I want her to be happy and I don't want either of us to regret anything later on in life... Thanks again.. :)