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M_3lford · Nov 19, 2008, 10:00 AM

Hey my name is Megan and I honestly have a gut feeling that my b.f of 3yrs could be gay.
I don't see any signs other then he's always with his guy friend and if he's not with him he's on the phone with him. I don't know if I am being jelaous or whatt?
I have confronted him and he says no and acts funny.

I also have been having dreams about walking in on him with another guy.
I am losing my mind. I know he's hiding something.. I just don't figure it out.. :(

letmetellu · Nov 19, 2008, 10:17 AM

I know a girl that tried this tactic when see thought her husband was cheating.

Each time that he had been out and did not have a good excuse, she would then tell him that she was glad that he was back because she was very horny and start all the advances on him to have sex.

Her idea was if he was cheating he would not want sex after he had just got home. But either he was telling the truth or he was a real stud because he almost wore her out having sex every time she mentioned it.

blfabila5 · Nov 19, 2008, 04:41 PM

I don't think you have anything to worry about yet unless you find more evidence of that being likely. I am dating a guy who has a friend that calls him or text him a lot everyday. I pick on him a lot about it saying is that your boyfriend calling or txting. We both laugh about it and I don't take it seriously. I just think they are close just like you would be with your best friend. It just seems weird because they are guys. So just relax and find the humor in it. :D

southerngalps · Nov 19, 2008, 04:53 PM

Some guys talk on the phone just as much as us girls.

You're probably having these dreams because of your thoughts during the day.

Until it is proven, this feeling may never go away.

Try leaving the issue alone for a while. Maybe your thoughts of this will just fade away. Good luck :)

mygirlsdad77 · Nov 19, 2008, 06:00 PM

No, he is most likely not gay. He just happens to have a very good friend. Do you seriously think because he has a good same gender friend, that this makes him gay? Would you feel better if he had a really good female friend? Then you would definitely think he was cheating on you. Let a man have some guy(not gay) time. Do you have any girlfriends that you are extremely close to? If so, does this make you lesbian? I believe you need to let this thought go. As southern mentioned, your day thoughts are causing your dreams at night.

southerngalps · Nov 19, 2008, 06:04 PM

Originally Posted by mygirlsdad77

Would you feel better if he had a really good female friend?

Very valid point. It would make her feel worse. I think she might be going through some other issues. Maybe she is not getting enough attention from him and her mind is wondering.

mygirlsdad77 · Nov 19, 2008, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

very valid point. it would make her feel worse. i think she might be going through some other issues. maybe she is not getting enough attention from him and her mind is wondering.

You are exactly right southerngalps. Very easy to use the gay factor to make yourself believe that there is a reason he isn't interested in you.. Sounds like its time to move on.

evolymmylove · Nov 20, 2008, 03:09 PM

Hi well I'm a lesbian since I was young I always knew... but before I accepted this I dated a guy... who to me I had the same feeling. It was true he was in his deffense BI but to me is still gay so, anyway he spend a lot of time with his guy friends to he would joke around too much with them in a flirty way etc... so even tough I asked him they will always deny it. I believe to them is a sign of weakness to accept it at first you just want a cover so your family or friends won't find out. That's what I was for him... even tough I know he loved me that's what it was a cover... so after I left him I never dated guys again I'm full lesbian but what I can say about my experiece is that I have a lot of "straight" guy friends who have their wife's and kids and girlfriends but yet they still mess around with men so just keep an eye open... you never know...

JudyKayTee · Nov 21, 2008, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by letmetellu

I know a girl that tried this tactic when see thought her husband was cheating.

Each time that he had been out and did not have a good excuse, she would then tell him that she was glad that he was back because she was very horny and start all the advances on him to have sex.

Her idea was if he was cheating he would not want sex after he had just got home. But either he was telling the truth or he was a real stud because he almost wore her out having sex every time she mentioned it.

I'm an investigator and I tell people the exact opposite - look for changed behavior. If usually you have sex twice a week and now it's five times a week, I'd worry, whether you start things or he does.

Cheaters tend to overachieve to "prove" they aren't cheating. The "wear her out" part would concern me.

And don't people ever ask their partner questions any more? Would the partner tell the truth? Who knows. Would I ask - certainly.

I'm female and have a dear friend who is gay - we spend a fair amount of time together. That doesn't mean I'm gay and that we are other than friends. I also have a very good male friend - that doesn't mean I'm a male want to be.

cadillac59 · Nov 21, 2008, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by evolymmylove

but what i can say about my experiece is that i have a lot of "straight" guy friends who have their wifes and kids and girlfriends but yet they still mess around with men so just keep an eye open... you never know....

Very good point and a reality many people don't want to accept.

About 25% of gay men were once married to women and I'd say an easy majority have has sex with women and/or have had girlfriend at one point or the other. You're either gay or straight and having sex with either the same or opposite gender does not determine your orientation.

Of course, if your male friend is having sex with other men on a regular basis, he's more than likely gay. Straight guys might try something once or twice but not for an extended period. If the guy looks at gay porn that's probably one of the most reliable indicators, in my opinion.

stevetcg · Nov 21, 2008, 03:05 PM

Im not saying this to be mean or anything, but maybe his guy friend is more interesting than you are.

What I mean is that he might have more in common with his friend than he does with you. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love you and doesn't mean that he is gay... just that his interests and yours don't fit together as well as your happy parts.