[DeeplyInLoveBut]

I've been married to my wife for 8 years and we have a beautiful daughter and son (non-biological) together. Our marriage has been great this entire time (with the typical bumps along the way). However, over the last week or so, my wife has become very unemotional and somewhat cold to me. I believe it's because we have been fighting about her going out too much with her friends and doing things that I believe are more singles oriented (not partying and such... more staying out late and not coming home right after work to be with us). I'm not against her going out and have never stopped from doing this. It's just that lately I feel she has been overdoing it. And because of this, my trust level of her is not what it used to be. I know she feels this and it's makes her upset. She feels like I'm always checking up on her and it completely frustrates her (and to her benefit, I am questioning her about her activities much, much more than I used to). She has a very short fuse now and very little tolerance for anything negative, perceived or otherwise, that I say about her going out.

I recently went to my father's house (with my daughter) to give her some time to think (We had just had a long discussion and she said she didn't know what was wrong or why she was unhappy right now). She did indicate that she still loved me. I asked her if she had ever considered divorce and she said no. I asked her why she wouldn't have thought about it if she were so unhappy. She said "it wasn't an option". I believe this is mostly because she doesn't want to do that to our daughter (she is 6 years old and we love her dearly so we will both do anything to protect her). After getting back from my father's house, my wife and I seemed to make up. We hugged and talked but one thing she said was very troubling to me. She said "I'm going to make myself be happy". When I questioned her about this, she got upset and said "Here we go again... are we going to start arguing again?" I immediately dropped it and said "I will take what I can get right now" (I know, pretty weak response from me but I really wanted this situation to end and wasn't strong enough to handle more of this separation at this time, especially since we seemed to be making up). However,this was troubling to me because I believe in a marriage, you are either happy or not. You can't "make" yourself feel an emotion...you either feel it or you don't. Thus, that response made it seem as if she is just going to make the best of the situation and try to make it work, even if she isn't totally happy. I may not be reading this right, but if I am, this is not the type of marriage I want to be in. I LOVE my wife with all of my heart but I don't want to be a charity case. Divorce is the last thing I want and would be completely emotionally devastating but better that than living a lie, right?

Well, the next day, I texted my wife to see if she wanted to have dinner and drinks with me. The conversation when exactly like this:

Me --> "Dinner and drinks after work? Let me know and I'll meet you around 8:30"
Wife --> "845"
Me --> "So it's a date?"
Wife --> "I ate but il eat again"
Me --> "Or we can do this tomorrow or thurs night. I want you to enjoy it"
Wife --> "OK"

Now, my wife is usually pretty sweet in her conversations and texts, but as you can see from the above text, she was very short. When she got home, we hugged but there was no smile from her. And stupidly I felt her ring finger and didn't feel the ring so I said "Why are you wearing your ring?" Unbeknownst to me, she had taken it off and put it in her other hand. Well, she got really upset with me again (short fuse to a very stupid comment from me) and we are now barely talking (being civil but no emotion in our conversations at all). I admit my comment was idiotic, but her reaction was much more than it ever would have been even just 2 weeks ago.

To wrap up this story, during this rough time, my daughter was about the only thing keeping me sane. I took her to an amusement park, we played games, and we watched tv. The joy and happiness she was getting out of our activities helped take my mind off of things and kept me happy (until it was time to sleep, that is). So I'm in a bit of a quandry too because I need my daughter to keep me going and can't imagine going a day without seeing her smiling face or telling me "I Love You Daddy" when I get home from work. Thus, even though divorce might be the best thing for us, it might not be something either of us is willing to do to our daughter (and believe me when I say, I love my wife with all of my heart and would do anything for her... anything except being acceptable of her not loving me the way a husband and wife should love each other).

Sorry for the long winded message. This is my first time posting on anything like this and I'm actually surprised that I did. However, I'm in need of help and could use other peoples perspectives on my situation. Any help/thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[450donn]

Like many others you are going through a bad time. With the World situation and the financial markets being in the mess it is I can see stress among the reasons for her problems. I would suggest some professional help to getting the both of you over this hurdle.

[Aresryu]

She loves you and that is a start. I too have been through a similar situation. You are going to have to pray and trust God. You are doing the right thing by spending time with your daughter. Keep loving your wife but stop trying so hard. Get her to talk to you when she feels like it and tell her about your concern. Apologize and ask her what you can do to make it better. Most importantly women have moods so be patient with her. ASk her what she needs to be happy and let her come to you.