[Aaron1012]

I have only been with my girlfriend for 3 months. She is a terrific mother of 3 really great kids. I love her and I love her children with all my heart. She is the sister of one of my own friends. I met her through him when one night she asked if we wanted to come over to her house and have a couple beers and play Guitar Hero. She asked me to stay the night with her that very same night. It was nothing sexual nor would I have asked for it to be. It was, in a sense, truly love at first sight.

I have a father who is an alcoholic and the same burden was, not so heavily, passed onto me. Not in a sense of being an alcoholic but more of not knowing when enough is enough. I drank rather often throughout the coarse of our relationship without any complaint or, for lack of a better word, warning that she had any problem with this whatsoever. <--Not trying to make and excuse for myself by saying that just to clear things. I did get drunk on weekends and would have a few (2-6?) beers on weekdays. I was getting out of line but did not come to that realization. (Or better yet was too inebriated to care) Three weeks ago I had more than my fair share of whiskey and beer. I woke her from her sleep for a very foolish and non-important reason. She did not know that I had been drinking as much as I have admitted to you until after this night.

We got into a very big argument as to whether I had been drinking or not. I was in a drunken denial, slurred speech and all. I made myself look like the fool that I am. I went back to my house and I called her. We got into yet another argument. I awoke the next morning and my roommate enlightened me with the information that I was verbally attacking her. Very badly. I do not know what I said nor do I want to know.

Since that day I have been sober. Three weeks have passed. Not much to brag about but it is a step in the right direction. Aside from my drinking I am, not to sound egotistical, a great guy. A perfect catch if you will. Her children in 3 months love and honor me as a respectable adult figure in her household. She has even exclaimed that they listen and act better for me than anyone, including herself. Her family and friends have told me that they have never seen her as happy since her and I got together.

Now to my dilemma. She has been hurt in the past by the 2 fathers that she shares children with. Both of which were given second chances to change their ways and both of which failed. She has a major issue with dropping/forgiving/forgetting things. She tells me she loves me and I believe her without a doubt that she does. She is different, though. She knows it. She says she is scared to bridge the gap that I caused. Afraid my drinking will resurface again someday and does not want to put herself or her children's feelings and emotions in jepoardy. I have never been more certain of anything as I am with knowing that I will never again be a drinker, even socially. It is not what I want. I want her and I and the children to be a family. I want us to all be happy together.

A few days ago she said she thinks we should slow down and take a break so she can have time to get things in order as far as work, her children, etc. Two days ago we finally sat down and talked about our feelings and what we should do with our relationship but the kids were coming home from their dad's and our conversation was never fully finished. During that conversation we decided we should not see each other. We both love and care for each other, though. That night she asked me to stay the night for the first time since the break started.

I am very confused throughout this whole situation. Any advice at all is very much appreciated.

[TrueFaith]

Im not even going to talk about this relationship.. because.. here is the big problem

It is You.

And You have some issue

And you drinking so much that you can't remember what you said to her..

Means yeah you drink Way too much..

Sadly you should have learnt your lesson from your father.

If there is one thing from having dads and moms. We should always learn from there mistakes
And make every effort not to repeat them in our lives..

Sadly you are doing the same thing as your father did. ( pitty)


Get yourself under control go to AA
And stop the drinking.

No one should be with someone that can not control themselves. And she is right not to be with you.
You got 2 options here.

1 keep on doing.. what you are doing.. end up alone and really in a very bad place.

2. Change your way of living.. make every effort to be a better person and not to be so weak.. we can all say ohh its down to my family or oh its my friends or I'm in a bad place in my life that is why I drink and do this..
Nah... the reason why you do it.. is because you want to.. and it is all your fault. Simple as that.. I just wanted to make that clear.. just in case you came back with I'm not like that.. and lalala and I was hit as a child.. stuff..
Everyone has there issues
Everyone has bad points in there past..

But we all make ever effort to better ourselves... you should as well

Then you can think about a relationship with someone else.

[Alty]

First I want to say that I admire the way you owned up to what you've done, and I especially admire the fact that you realize that you have a problem and that it needs to stop.

I am a mother, I have two beautiful kids. I do love my husband with all my heart, but I would never let him jeopordize our children.

Alcoholism is a very serious thing. I can understand that she is concerned that this may resurface. You haven't been sober that long. Are you certain, absolutely certain, that you will never drink again?

She's been hurt before, and now she's gun shy. Try to understand where she's coming from. She has to put her children and herself first, not love. She's got a good head on her shoulders.

Give her time, keep in contact with her. Let her know how you feel and what you are willing to do to be with her. Heck, send her what you wrote in this post, let her know that you have changed.

Will she take you back? Will she try to make it work? I don't know, but she should know what's on your mind and in your heart before she makes that decision.

I wish you luck, I hope it works out.

[TrueFaith]

My father was a huge huge drinker..

I have hardly drank a drop in my life.. due to the fact.. of the way he acted..

It may be a disease.. only if you are weak enough to give into it.

But this is going down another road :) and frankly we all have our views on this..

I respect yours. And ill leave it at that

[mikedem7]

If you do get back with her do something that will convince her that you are taking care of your problem. Go to aa for alcoholic parents.

[talaniman]

For now deal with issue number 1, drinking.

After that you can deal with practically anything.

Stay sober for a year. See where your life is at.