[indianinus786]

Hello,

I need some advice here. My wife sent me divorce notice of the court through her family friend. He came to my office and told me to sign the acknowledgment. I told that I would consult my attorney and then sign it. He came after 2 days and I told him I will not sign it unless my attorney talks to their attorney. In the meantime while talking to him, since I was upset with the notice and because of the mental tension, I abused my in laws and made some hollow threats against them. I did not say anything to my wife which would mean that I would hurt or harm her in any way.

Now they have got a temporary restraining order for domestic violence stating that I made terroristic threat against her. This is entirely WRONG. As I told I did not say anything against my wife. I only said I am upset with her as to why she is doing this. Maybe that guy also taped it. I don't know. The court has called me and my wife on a trial date so that she gets a permanent restraining order. They also made a criminal complaint against me in the local police station about this.

How do I go about handling this? Should I hire an attorney? Will there be criminal charges against me if she gets her restraining order?

[JudyKayTee]

Hello,

I need some advice here. My wife sent me divorce notice of the court through her family friend. He came to my office and told me to sign the acknowledgment. I told that I would consult my attorney and then sign it. He came after 2 days and I told him I will not sign it unless my attorney talks to their attorney. In the meantime while talking to him, since I was upset with the notice and because of the mental tension, I abused my in laws and made some hollow threats against them. I did not say anything to my wife which would mean that I would hurt or harm her in any way.

Now they have got a temporary restraining order for domestic violence stating that I made terroristic threat against her. This is entirely WRONG. As I told I did not say anything against my wife. I only said I am upset with her as to why she is doing this. Maybe that guy also taped it. I don't know. The court has called me and my wife on a trial date so that she gets a permanent restraining order. They also made a criminal complaint against me in the local police station about this.

How do i go about handling this? Should i hire an attorney? Will there be criminal charges against me if she gets her restraining order?

I'm confused from the beginning - what State?

You don't need to sign nor are you required to sign any type of proof of service. The server hands you the papers (or nails and mails or does sub service), files the Affidavit of Service with the Court, you're served.

The criminal (Police) and civil (divorce - restraining order) charges are pretty much independent of each other. You can have one and not the other. Whether you are arrested will have nothing to do with whether the restraining order is granted. How much evidence, how strong the threat and/or danger - those are questions which the Police and possibly the Assistant DA will review and then make their determination of how to proceed.

If you were so upset that you made threats to a third party - whose testimony, by the way, will be very helpful to the other side in Court - I question if you remember exactly what you said and/or how you said it. Your words in expressing your unhappiness and "why did she do this" may very well have been interpreted as threatening by the third party. Past history and why your wife is divorcing you will also come into play here. Also, threats to harm her parents may very well be interpreted as threats to harm her - she doesn't want to lie awake at night, wondering what you are going to do her parents if you can't get at her.

I run into this all the time - people who are under stress, upset, pressured, have no idea what they said and how they said it after their heads clear. Investigators and process servers get screamed at and threatened on a regular basis by people who later have a very limited recollection of just what they said.

On the other hand, if there is a tape recording and it indicates you did not threaten your wife, then you will prevail. Of course, your in-laws have an absolute right to obtain a restraining order against you and file a complaint, asking that you be arrested.

I think you are foolish indeed if you do not IMMEDIATELY obtain an Attorney - the temporary restraining order should shock you into realizing this may not go "your way."

I do not mean to sound harsh (and realize I possibly do) but this is a SERIOUS LEGAL MATTER with consequences and you must act immediately to protect yourself from several angles.

[indianinus786]

Thanks for the reply. The state is New Jersey. I am 100% sure I did not make a threat to my wife. It was only for her parents. I will be talking to an attorney and hire one. I know the seriousness of the matter. Let them take the restraining order, I don't have any interest in her.

But what will happen to me in this regard.

[JudyKayTee]

Thanks for the reply. The state is New Jersey. I am 100% sure I did not make a threat to my wife. It was only for her parents. I will be talking to an attorney and hire one. I know the seriousness of the matter. Let them take the restraining order, i dont have any interest in her.

But what will happen to me in this regard.

As far as restraining orders go I have rather mixed feelings - sure, they look and sound bad but on the other hand if nobody's doing anything anyway they really don't matter much.

Good that you are getting an Attorney.

No way to know what the Police will do - BUT the fact that there is or will be a restraining order will not force the Police to act in either direction. They either have a case against you or they don't and they are the only ones who know that.

Depending on what you said (again, because there's a third party involved), yes, the Police could still charge you with criminal activity, you could be arrested, you would be arraigned and either plea bargain or face trial. Would you be arrested or would they hand you an appearance ticket? Depends on the charge.

Your Attorney can ask their Attorney and you'll probably know immediately what their plans are.

[indianinus786]

Thank you for the response.

Well if the police has a case against me, why didn't they arrest me then and there when I went to collect my restraining orders because on the restraining order there is a criminal complaint.

I don't know what is going to come out of this.

[JudyKayTee]

Thank you for the response.

Well if the police has a case against me, why didn't they arrest me then and there when I went to collect my restraining orders because on the restraining order there is a criminal complaint.

I dont know what is going to come out of this.

Because making you turn in the wind is part of the "punishment." Same with people who shoplift and spend a month wondering whether they'll be arrested.

Or they don't have the manpower to serve papers immediately or you weren't charged or any number of things. Or maybe they are just going to mail an appearance ticket to you and, again, if you are going to be charged it has to be reviewed by the DA first.

Or maybe they aren't going to do anything.

Have your Attorney ask their Attorney so you know how to respond to any other aspects of this.

No way to know -

[indianinus786]

I am very worried because my record here in the US is clean and I don't want a bad mark to come on my records. That is the only thing I want.

I thank you whole heartedly for your responses.

[JudyKayTee]

I am very worried because my record here in the US is clean and I dont want a bad mark to come on my records. That is the only thing I want.

I thank you whole heartedly for your responses.

I would bet that your Attorney can deal with their/her Attorney and come to some sort of deal - explain you were upset (which is understandable), see what (if any) proof there is, make a good argument for your case.

It does your wife no good if she is seeking any form of support to cause you problems which might affect your employment so she very well may be more than happy to just some sort of "no contest" restraining order - which doesn't matter if you aren't harassing her, anyway - and let that be the end of it.

[cadillac59]

Restraining orders are very serious matters and you really don't want to have one against you if you can avoid it.

I just finished a two hour trial this afternoon on a restraining order for my client (a wife who was seeking one) and we got it granted for 18 months. The husband (they have a 13 month old child together) threw her across the room and split her lip when he hit her and that was after he already had pled no contest to an earlier domestic violence charge involving pushing her to the ground and slapping her on the head. He lied like crazy and denied it and claimed she was the aggressor. So these can kind of be "he said , she said" cases.

Fight it if you can or settle it on a short-term type order (like one for 3 months duration).

[indianinus786]

cadillac59,

Thanks for your reply. In my case there was no physical abuse. In fact we are staying separately for the past 6 months. I have not seen her in the last 6 months. She has alleged in the TRO that I gave her and her mother a terroristic threat that I will cut there throats. It's a lie. Even if he recorded that they will not be able to prove that. I have never taken her name and threatened her in front of that 3rd party person who had got the divorce orders that day. I only verbally cursed and abused her parents. That's it.

She is doing this only because I did not sign the divorce order acknowledgment. Will I be given a fair chance in front of the judge to explain my story? Of course I am going to fight it.

[JudyKayTee]

cadillac59,

Thanx for your reply. In my case there was no physical abuse. In fact we are staying separately for the past 6 months. I have not seen her in the last 6 months. She has alleged in the TRO that I gave her and her mother a terroristic threat that i will cut there throats. Its a lie. Even if he recorded that they will not be able to prove that. I have never taken her name and threatened her in front of that 3rd party person who had got the divorce orders that day. I only verbally cursed and abused her parents. thats it.

She is doing this only because i did not sign the divorce order acknowledgment. Will i be given a fair chance in front of the judge to explain my story? Of course I am going to fight it.

What does "even if he recorded it they will not be able to prove" it mean?

[indianinus786]

It means that I never said I will kill or harm my wife in any manner. As I said I abused her parents and told him that my wife is responsible for this mess in our life and I will never forgive her.

I made a hollow threat about her parents though.

[JudyKayTee]

It means that I never said I will kill or harm my wife in any manner. As i said i abused her parents and told him that my wife is responsible for this mess in our life and i will never forgive her.

I made a hollow threat about her parents though.

Gotcha' - thanks for the clarification.

[indianinus786]

What does that mean? Do u have any clarification for this?

[JudyKayTee]

What does that mean? Do u have any clarification for this?

If you're addressing me (?) I mean that now I understand your comment about a tape recording and proof. When you posted I read it as you said something threatening about your wife, it was taped but the tape was not admissible.

Now I know your wife had nothing to do with whatever you said.

[indianinus786]

Judykaytee,

What I meant to say was that I did not make any threats to my wife or her parents. They were not threats. I cannot threaten anybody. In fact I wanted to work out on this marriage. But they put a restraining order on me. Is this the way of treating someone.

Can you give me some correct advice here?

[indianinus786]

Hi,

I need some advice here. In the hearing today to grant permanent restraining order my wife made a complete U turn by telling the judge that she needs a final restraining order. Before coming to the hearing, my parents reached to an understanding with her parents that if I sign the divorce acknowledgment and let her have her divorce, they will be dismissing the case and taking back the complaint from the police station. When I got this assurance from them, I signed the acknowledgment and gave it to them. To my utter surprise, she said she she still wanted the restraining order inn the court. I was DISGUSTED. The judge told me to come back with an attorney and adjourned the case.

What should I do now? I only know I need to get an attorney. Please help.

[JudyKayTee]

Hi,

I need some advice here. in the hearing today to grant permanent restraining order my wife made a complete U turn by telling the judge that she needs a final restraining order. Before coming to the hearing, my parents reached to an understanding with her parents that if i sign the divorce acknowledgment and let her have her divorce, they will be dismissing the case and taking back the complaint from the police station. When i got this assurance from them, i signed the acknowledgment and gave it to them. To my utter surprise, she said she she still wanted the restraining order inn the court. i was DISGUSTED. the judge told me to come back with an attorney and adjourned the case.

What should i do now? I only know i need to get an attorney. please help.

You get an Attorney as recommended, you never sign any other legal document without an Attorney reading it first, you do what the Attorney recommends.

Why are HER parents dealing with YOUR parents instead of some sort of direct contact - ?

She still has to have grounds to get the restraining order. Does she have grounds? Obviously the Judge didn't simply dismiss her request for some reason -

[indianinus786]

Hi Judykaytee,

I am getting an attorney as recommended. If u read the previous correspondences, she doesn't have a case against me- that's what my thinking is. All of a sudden she feels threatened by me. We have not been staying together for more than 6 months, no phone calls, no contact nothing. Except for a few emails in which I requested for a reconciliation of our marriage and they were not threatening at all.

That guy came to my place, provoked me to get some case against me and he also came as a witness in the hearing to testify. Of course he would be lying on that day when the next hearing comes because he was not given a chance this time to testify. They just want to spoil my immigration case by falsely accusing me of domestic violence. There was no domestic violence at all.

[JudyKayTee]

Hi Judykaytee,

I am getting an attorney as recommended. If u read the previous correspondences, she doesn't have a case against me- thats what my thinking is. All of a sudden she feels threatened by me. we have not been staying together for more than 6 months, no phone calls, no contact nothing. except for a few emails in which i requested for a reconciliation of our marriage and they were not threatening at all.

that guy came to my place, provoked me to get some case against me and he also came as a witness in the hearing to testify. of course he would be lying on that day when the next hearing comes because he was not given a chance this time to testify. they just want to spoil my immigration case by falsely accusing me of domestic violence. there was no domestic violence at all.

I think we're back where we've started and, yes, I've read (and I do remember) your posts. You didn't threaten her. You threatened her parents but you didn't mean it. We've already covered whether you were provoked and whether you overreacted.

All else aside - if there was a no contact or a restraining order which SHE had - and I don't know that she did - your few emails would have been in violation of that order, threatening or not. "He" was there for the purpose of serving you with legal papers, not to provoke you. They could have sent a Police agency with the papers, to your workplace, but did not. I'm a process server on occasion and you'd probably be shocked by what people say to process servers in the heat of the moment - and then they're surprised when I show up in Court to testify. About two years ago I had a gun pulled on me. People lose control when they see legal papers.

I have no idea what this means: "... and he also came as a witness in the hearing to testify. of course he would be lying on that day when the next hearing comes because he was not given a chance this time to testify."

Once again and I don't think you are understanding me. You are upset. I understand that. It doesn't matter what you think or what I think or what anybody else thinks. It only matters what the JUDGE thinks at this point he did not dismiss her request for a Protective Order. If you look at the Law - and I forget where you are - threats against family members are, in fact, a form of domestic violence, as are threats against the spouse.

You will present your proof. They will present their proof. The Judge will decide. All the rest of this - their intent, whether you got set up - doesn't matter.

I'm not against you; I'm not on their side; I'm not on ANYBODY's side. I'm telling you the way I see it.