[bubbly1506]

Hello all I'm going out of my mind... a month ago my boyfriend cheated on me, I found out 3 weeks ago by snooping his msn account.
The night he went out with a mate I was at his parents house(who were on hols at the time) having a quiet night in as I had a kidney infection that week so didn't feel up to seeing my friends. Previous to this I spent 7 weeks at his house with him while his parents were away. It was kind of like a practice for us to live together.
Anyway the night he went out he got absolutely drunk and went home with a girl who he knew from years ago, she was 30 with a child. The day after he came home and acted normal, there were no signs, I did not expect to find what I did. On the following Saturday I was back at my house and was bored so I don't know what made me do it but I logged in on his msn and up popped a message from a girl saying "i wish you were mine" so I thought to myself what the fu*k! And played along for an hour pretending to be him and she must have been so thick because she was giving me all th evidence I needed, she really had no clue it was me, she thought it was him talking to her, I wasn't upset at this time I was in shock... I called him after and said "did u cheat on me???" he said "u obviously already know now" I found out a week after he done the deed.
I have spent 2 and a half years with him and we were almost perfect together, I have known him for 9 years.
I trusted him 100% with my whole life and would have died for him. He was my all. Now I don't know what to think, it feels like I have been stabbed and the pain hasn't gone. 3 weeks on and the pain is still here, the nightmares come and go. He has apologised and even had a few tears but it doesn't make up for my buckets of tears I have cried. I took a overdose last week and he found me and rushed me to a&e. He has sworn on my life he won't do anything like that again. My concern is if he says it happened because he was so drunk then why should I trust him to go out and get drunk again with his friends?? If he can't handle his drink
The only answers I get from him when I ask him why he did it is "i dunno" that's all he ever says
He had been in contact with her for a whole week after including the night I found out. I checked his phone logs and emails. He could not of been feeling that guilty because if I had cheated on him with some bloke the last thing I would have done was call them!
All I want to know is why did he call her a week later? Why add her as a friend on Facebook the day after? Its like he rubbed my nose in it after.
He said he called her because he needed to sort his head out, but why not call me??

The stuff she was saying to him was slutty and he's not really like that. We were fine and he's destroyed me and us.

What do I do? Forgive and forget? I don't think ill be able to move on until I have full answers.

NO MATTER HOW DRUNK I WILL EVER BE, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT, I COULD NOT DO IT TO ANYONE.
Plus it happened in the morning apparently not at night, so was he still drunk then? I don't believe it.

[ZoeMarie]

Hello all im going out of my mind.....a month ago my boyfriend cheated on me, i found out 3 weeks ago by snooping his msn account.

To be honest this is as far as I needed to read to be able to tell you that it's probably not worth it to stay with him. I did read the entire post and I personally wouldn't stand for that. I don't know if he has a drinking problem or not but either way he cheated on you and what's to say the next time he gets drunk he doesn't do it again? Sure he feels bad now but do you think he would feel bad if you didn't find out? Was he even going to tell you? I'm really sorry you're going through this. Just know that it's not your fault.

[bubbly1506]

Thank you for quick response... no he doesn't have a drink problem, but he doesn't know how 2 handle his drink most of the time, Im 24 and he's 26. He said he was talking to his friends about how to tell me because it was eating him up inside all week. He said he couldn't tell me, but one thing he did know was that he wouldn't of done it again... we have been getting on OK for past week or so but he doesn't have a clue what I'm feeling inside. I don't want to be without him but I also want to know if I'm making the right decision as I have no friends and family around for support right now. I'm not a very strong person, I'm on anti depressents due to past history. The worse thing is that I was asleep in HIS bed while he was in someone else's.

[ZoeMarie]

I would tell him exactly how you feel. See how that goes, maybe it will help to talk about it. If you stay with him you might want to look into finding a counselor you can talk to because I know if it were me, I would have trust issues with him. And the worst thing you can do if you're going to stay together is bring up past mistakes so you're going to need to find someone that you can talk to other than him after you've talked about this. He does need to know how you feel though.

[bubbly1506]

Thank you for the advice... why do men do it?

When everything is fine at home?

Why do it with someone else?

I'm apparently very very pretty according to all of my friends and work colleagues, everybody says it to me even my driving test examiner! I wish I could see what they see

[LifeChangesMan]

I read the first 10 words or so of your post, he cheated on me. In my opinion, done, cutoff, forget it.

[kctiger]

It is not just men. This isn't a gender issue, it is a character issue. Accept no excuses! You can't fix stupid!

[LifeChangesMan]

All right, why do men cheat? Lets see, lets see. "men cheat for the same reason dogs like themselves because they can" -sex and the city, I don't know the hell I remember that but I do. I'm not sure how was your sex life at home I mean you said that he's not into all that slutty talk, but maybe he is? And you didn't know it and he felt that he couldn't get that from you and decided to go somewhere else? Maybe you weren't having enough sex to satisfy him? I love my girlfriend of 4yrs and I wouldn't dare think about touching another woman, and I'm not a loser or anything or conceited girls find me attractive but I know what I have at home and it's not worth losing that at all.

[bubbly1506]

The thing is I AM into all that kinky sex stuff, I am adventureous, he's not-i should know that after all these years.

Hes not very spontaneous or adventurous, in fact id say he was a little boring...

But OK once he got going-i don't know a confidence thing

[Romefalls19]

This isn't male or female, it's about character and being able to resist temptation. You can look at the other girl for a reason to blame, but it falls on him. I've gotten pretty freakin hammered before, but never before have I cheated. I've went so far as pushing them away when they went to kiss me, which started her being angry and started a rumor that we had sex which was awesome! NOT

If you chose to forgive, you also must remember that and not throw it up in an argument later. Can you do that? I know I couldn't, once they betray my trust, that's it, it's over.

[LifeChangesMan]

This isn't male or female, it's about character and being able to resist temptation. You can look at the other girl for a reason to blame, but it falls on him. I've gotten pretty freakin hammered before, but never before have I cheated. I've went so far as pushing them away when they went to kiss me, which started her being angry and started a rumor that we had sex which was awesome! NOT

If you chose to forgive, you also must remember that and not throw it up in an argument later. Can you do that? I know I couldn't, once they betray my trust, that's it, it's over.

The last part about bringing it back up in an argument is VERY important, he's smart man. Good quote romefalls.

[talaniman]

You have a right to ignore his cheating a$$, until your sure what YOU want to do.

Fact- If he didn't get caught, he would still be zooming this chick. So much for falling for his guilt.

It will take years of insecurity, questions, and low self esteem, to trust again, and that's only if he does the right things.

So is he worth all of that?? Only you know that answer.

[kctiger]

I have to give some due credit. "You can't fix stupid" is a quote from a comedian (I believe Larry "The Cable Guy" or Bill Eingval). Romefalls reminded me of it. Off topic, but just wanted to throw that out there.

[bubbly1506]

Your all right! I am pretty I am too good for him! Screw him its his loss!

What a cheating loser! Out he goes!

[kctiger]

I know you can't hear anything, but I am applauding your right now.

[LifeChangesMan]

So bubbly... what are YOU doing later? ;) haha

[wikedjuggalo]

As the rest stated I read the first line and stopped.
Two things:
He cheated
You didn't trust him to begin with to be snooping around.

No trust = No relationship.
Both of you have broken that.

[Turambar]

The fact that "something" made you check his msn IM tells me that this wasn't a total surprise to you.

I would be furious if I found out a person I was dating was checking my IM's, emails, wallet, whatever. I have nothing to hide but privacy is privacy. The relationship was over in my opinion when you decided (rightly it turns out) that you couldn't trust him enough to respect his privacy.

I'm not saying he was right to do what he did, far from it he was dead wrong and I am glad you found out. But understand that you were wrong too - I do not believe the end justifies the means.

Run away, don't look back, and hopefully you will find someone that you can trust enough that you don't feel the need to check their IM or email to know they are not abusing your trust.

[MissMax143]

Don’t ask ur-self why why why. You will just kill ur-self more. Instead say because he is a piece of sh*t that’s why!!
I am sorry but I was cheated on too…and I feel your pain.. god it’s the worst in the world! I also took him back.. I stayed for a year after, struggling and it got me no where.. I never did forget and I couldn’t trust him either! My ex did the same thing and called the girl after I found out too! I still cannot make sense of it, but yet I gave up trying too…
I think you should cut all ties with him…let him know your pissed, hurt and DONE!!
That was one of the mistakes I made…I didn’t do that.. I was scared if I walked away he would have stayed with the sl*t he cheated on me with. But I should have cause then maybe he would have felt the pain he caused me! Listen if he really loves you and truly is sorry he will find a way to prove it to you.. but for right now NC…no contact!!

Oh and when I took him back I caught him cheating again!!

[bubbly1506]

I really love him and want to trust him again , he was my best friend too


He hasn't done any nice gestures such as flowers/cards

He hasn't taken me out, its been 3 weeks now and he has not done anything nice to make it up to me

I feel so unloved right now

I can't stop balling my eyes out, I feel like I am falling apart, I have nobody around me right now either

I've quit my job too, bad move but I'm so depressed and unstable, when I took an overdose last week I kept telling the nurses I wanted to die

I truelly did feel like that

I wish I could be where we were 2 months ago, we were very happy. How can you love and hate someone at the same time