[openpetal]

Hello,
I don't know what's happening to me. I find myself thinking about my husband and the state he is in at this moment. After my anger cooled down, I began to cry over the loss. My husband is being held at Riker's Island. The incident is wearing off and now I am feeling sadness, loneliness for my husband. A few days ago, I prayed he stayed in jail for a year or so and now I am feeling irritable, sad and heartbroken over the fact that I lost my husband physically and mentally. (And deep in my heart, I know he is weeping over me). I guess its too late to make up since the judge and DA has an order of protection for him to stay away from me. I keep replaying the good times in my head and find it difficult to completely let go.
My family is very supportive of me and I don't want to disappoint them nor myself. I am really trying to stay strong in this situation and resist the urge to go visit him or bring him clothes for commensary.
(On the good note, I got the car in my name and insurance and am back on my feet. I had to let go of the baby. I do have peace but at the same time I am worrying about how he is feeling in there. ) Sigh, perhaps I am caring too much and forgiving too soon. Is what I am feeling normal? I know I will definitely see a counselor this Thursday before I turn out crazy. Lol. Thanks for your feedback.

All the best,

Openpetal.

[simoneaugie]

Your husband is not, has not been behaving like a husband, or even a friend. He is having severe difficulties functioning in the world. You are craving what you had with him? He can't make you love yourself. He can't fill the void in your heart, even if he was living with you, had a job and was paying for everything.

Focus on your children. Focus on and take care of yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually.