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warmdusk · Nov 9, 2008, 09:48 AM

I started LC with my ex(been 6 weeks since the break up) about two weeks ago. Before that we were talking every day--he was always upbeat and very friendly too me, but that was my problem. I knew I wanted more than friends and talking about random "friend stuff" was driving me mad because I kept waiting for something more serious out of him that never came.

So we went from talking every day to maybe every 4 or 5 days. Any contact has been started by him, he seems very curious about what I've been doing, what's been going on and will ask me a ton of questions(he's always so polite about it though). This last time we spoke though, it was on Thursday, he seemed sort of sad when he spoke to me. He started up with all questions like usual. I mentioned that I was excited because I had 4 days off this weekend and he started asking me my plans. Then out of no where he's like "I'm an a**hole, aren't I?" So I asked him what he meant and he just says "You must think I'm an a**hole." then he just says "Nevermind, I don't know what I'm talking about." So I tell him he's a good guy and then I change the subject. Then later, he just asks me out of the blue "are you seeing any one?", I was surprised but I tell him no. Then he says "neither am I.", so I stay silent for a moment and then just say "ah." So he asks me my thoughts on that. Seriously, what a weird question! I had no idea how to respond so I just ask him "on what, exactly? how have you been by the way?". So then he starts telling me about what he's been doing... a whole lot of nothing pretty much. He's been working a lot--- playing that online game and "drinking alone." and mentioned it was "sad". The conversation slows down so I log off.

It seemed to me that I was picking up on hints that he's having second thoughts maybe. He's not once in the six weeks we've been broken up asked me about dating or said *anything* about the relationship, so that was a surprise. He seems sort of sad. I'm going to continue with LC though and see what happens... thoughts?

kctiger · Nov 9, 2008, 10:56 AM

Why did you guys break up? It is easy to get back together with an ex, the hard part is to make it work. Yes, he is interested in you. I think the question is that IF you two got back together, has anything really changed? What makes you think it would work now? He is drinking alone and that to me seems like a problem in itself. It sounds like he is deeply depressed and alone... thus I don't know if he is talking to you and acting intersted because he loves you or because he can't handle being alone. Your call... my opinion.

TrueFaith · Nov 9, 2008, 12:07 PM

Playing the online game huh..

Well it seems like he is having second thoughts.

See what happens later on

It seem to be what you wanted has come true.

As for the break up I'm not sure what broke you guys up. But if it was nothing serious I don't see the harm in giving it another shot

Good luck

talaniman · Nov 9, 2008, 02:13 PM

I'm going to continue with LC though and see what happens... thoughts?

Since you seem to have nothing better to do, why not. What was the break up about, and why are you playing games with each other now?

warmdusk · Nov 9, 2008, 09:21 PM

He broke up with me. He said he didn't feel like he knew me as well as he should for what our relationship was. He said it didn't feel "intense" and he saw me as a really good friend--that he wasn't sure why because he found me very attractive and we have everything in the world in common. He had said that he wanted to remain friends so we could get to know each other better and that maybe something could happen between us in the future and that he wasn't interested in meeting any one else.

BUT... he hasn't said hardly a word about the "relationship" since the break up at the end of September. We haven't seen each other in 6 weeks--we've just been talking online. I think the problem is that he pushed for exclusitivity too early... way too early(date #5, we were only together for a total of 2 months). And that the title put pressure on us to feel and act a certain way too soon.

Ferghus · Nov 9, 2008, 09:37 PM

Originally Posted by warmdusk

I started LC with my ex(been 6 weeks since the break up) about two weeks ago. Before that we were talking every day--he was always upbeat and very friendly too me, but that was my problem. I knew I wanted more than friends and talking about random "friend stuff" was driving me mad because I kept waiting for something more serious out of him that never came.

So we went from talking every day to maybe every 4 or 5 days. Any contact has been started by him, he seems very curious about what I've been doing, what's been going on and will ask me a ton of questions(he's always so polite about it though). This last time we spoke though, it was on Thursday, he seemed sort of sad when he spoke to me. He started up with all questions like usual. I mentioned that I was excited because I had 4 days off this weekend and he started asking me my plans. Then out of no where he's like "I'm an a**hole, aren't I?" So I asked him what he meant and he just says "You must think I'm an a**hole." then he just says "Nevermind, I don't know what I'm talking about." So I tell him he's a good guy and then I change the subject. Then later, he just asks me out of the blue "are you seeing any one?", I was surprised but I tell him no. Then he says "neither am I.", so I stay silent for a moment and then just say "ah." So he asks me my thoughts on that. Seriously, what a weird question! I had no idea how to respond so I just ask him "on what, exactly? how have you been by the way?". So then he starts telling me about what he's been doing... a whole lot of nothing pretty much. He's been working a lot--- playing that online game and "drinking alone." and mentioned it was "sad". The convo slows down so I log off.

It seemed to me that I was picking up on hints that he's having second thoughts maybe. He's not once in the six weeks we've been broken up asked me about dating or said *anything* about the relationship, so that was a surprise. He seems sort of sad. I'm going to continue with LC though and see what happens... thoughts?

He wants you back, but you made it plain to him that you are not interested, which is why he made the A** remark about himself

talaniman · Nov 9, 2008, 09:47 PM

We often jump in to fast, and then find out that things weren't the way we thought.

Yes he has changed his mind, but if your not ready for a friend thing, then give yourself the time to by stopping the contact, and let the emotional dust settle for you both.

Best now for you both to back off ,and see what's going on with your feelings, WITHOUT the influence of each others presence or analyzing the confusion.

Forget the LC, and go with NC (no contact). Then you won't have to question every word, or seek meaning in every conversation.

How old are you two anyway??

warmdusk · Nov 9, 2008, 10:42 PM

I'm almost 24. He's 25. So I should I talk to him or not?? I would like a second shot, but I feel like since he dumped me he should be the one to come out and say whether he wants to try again. When he "hints" or is vague like that, I don't know what's really going through his head!

Ferghus · Nov 9, 2008, 11:31 PM

Originally Posted by warmdusk

I'm almost 24. He's 25. So I should I talk to him or not??? I would like a second shot, but I feel like since he dumped me he should be the one to come out and say whether or not he wants to try again. When he "hints" or is vague like that, I don't know what's really going through his head!

The hints are his way of saying he wants to get back with you. Yes, he should be more direct... but for whatever reason, he is afraid to. He thinks his hints should be enough. Some of us are stupid that way. Heh.

talaniman · Nov 10, 2008, 06:34 AM

He dumped you, let him chase you and prove his intentions with actions. Otherwise don't worry about his head, get yours together.