[Eres]

I am 22 years old and have been with my husband for 5 years.In the beginning things were good, though his background believes women should be subservient to their husbands.he made it clear to me when we were dating that he did not share this view,so things were all right.
After we were married though,he began to get very controlling and has taken to talking down to me and treating me like I'm stupid.I get the feeling he resents me for not being the meek little wifey he wants me to be.we argue a lot over stupid things and he often pressures me to have sex when I don't want to.He's always angry about something and I'm always miserable because of the way he takes it out on me.he's also made it clear that he will never let me leave him if it came to that.I've often thought about offing myself just to get away from him.
Worse yet,I've discovered that I have feelings for a friend of mine that I've known for 17 years.we have not done anything,but I have this longing in my heart to be with him.This only adds to my guilt and misery.I have talked to my husband about our problems and have suggested counseling,and he agreed (although he was apprehensive at first).Is there anything else I can do?

[donf]

If you are being threatened with physical pain or he's attacked you, go to a spousal abuse center and protect yourself now.

Personally, I'm pleased that you have a backbone. Don't give it up. However, do not place yourself in danger.

When we first married, it took us four years just to learn how to live with each other. I could not get used to the fact that this 5'3" person did not cow-tow to me. My God, she actually had her own opinions and ways to do things, how dare she!

You know, she still does!

[talaniman]

Have you actually started counseling?? Both of you.

[Eres]

We are due to start counseling in two weeks.I feel it's long overdue.

He has told me that if I tried to leave him,he would probably hurt me.I'm not one to let those kind of threats stop me,but I really am scared of him sometimes.it makes me mad that I feel so trapped.

[talaniman]

At this point I would say leave him, and cut him from your life. I believe you if you say he is dangerous. Your safety is my only concern.