Check out some similar questions!

alwaysava27 · Nov 6, 2008, 07:20 PM

My parents adopted my daughter when she was about 5 months old. I don't know what I was thinking. At the time it was probably the best thing because my head wasn't fully there. I wasn't unfit, but my priorities were all wrong. The father is nowhere in the picture & he already signed his rights off. My mom totally talked me into the adoption. She mentioned her & my dad adopting my daughter when I was in the middle of anxiety attack so of course I went with what felt right at that moment. They took her the very next day & all her belongings. A month went by & I realized what a mistake I had made. My mother & I sent emails back & forth, she wouldn't let me have her back & told me I made the right decision by letting them have her. I stopped talking to my mom totally for a couple months after, and she one day sent me a card in the mail saying how much she loved me blah blah blah & how I was making a good decision, said she would make sure my daughter knew who I was & she was in good hands... basically talked me into just going through w/the adoption. The following weekend I finally hung out w/my mother, and my daughter. My mom brought the adoption paperwork frm her lawyer, drove us to a notary where we both signed the paperwork & then spent the afternoon together. After that day my mom was in touch less & less, and we didn't hang out anymore. It was almost like she was avoiding my presence. Not to mention it was hard for me to be around my daughter because I still cried & felt deep down the adoption was the wrong thing to do, post pardom perhaps is what I was going through. That's the only thing I can think of, because I feel totally betrayed & taken advantage of. I don't talk to my family anymore. My daughter will be two this month. I miss her like crazy & really really would like to get her back, but lawyers are so expensive. There's no hope is there? I don't want any communication w/my mom, I resent her. I just want my daughter back. I have dreams every other day about my daughter, which leaves me so sad the next day, and crying at night. I hold on to the pics & memories I have of my daughter for the few months I had her. I just really don't know what to do.

Synnen · Nov 7, 2008, 06:28 AM

If you can prove coercion (and you probably can't--it's extremely hard to prove), then you may be able to overturn the adoption.

I sincerely doubt that you will be able to prove coercion.

HOWEVER---did you stand in front of a judge at any point? You may want to talk to a lawyer (and you will need one if you plan on doing this--you don't have a snowball's chance if you don't have one) about the laws in your state, because I don't believe that a notary can grant oversee relinquishments of rights.

Your biggest mistake here is in NOT maintaining contact with your daughter. That's not going to look good to a judge.

You NEED counseling for this. Pronto. Call your local Lutheran or Catholic Social Services. Many times they have a reference list of counselors specializing in adoption in your area.

ScottGem · Nov 7, 2008, 06:52 AM

I agree with Synnen, your first step is to get counseling. What you are feeling is normal, but you need to learn how to deal with those feelings.

You are not in a situation where you don't know where your daughter is. So there is a strong possibility you can see her more and more. But I suspect your attitude towards this is what is causing your parents to drift away from you. If you can get counseling that will help you deal with this, you may find that your parents are more amenable to your taking a larger role in the family.

As far as overturning the adoption, you NEED to consult an attorney. They will research what was actually done and how legal it was.

alwaysava27 · Nov 8, 2008, 10:43 PM

To Synnen:
No, I never did go ifo a judge. I vaguely remember the paperwork that I signed which was ifo a notary my mom used to work with. It was all done so quickly, and my dad had told me awhile back the reason we didn't go ifo a judge is because no one disputed the adoption at the time, if it was something I agreed not to do at the time, then it wldve had to go to court. As for not making contact w/my daughter being my biggest mistake, I do agree w/you. But since my parents have had her, my mom has always made it very difficult for me to see my daughter, and my mom is so annoying to be around, anytime Ive ever been around my mom & my daughter together, my mom talks like SHE delivered her. She talks about everything like Im chopped liver. Ive tried to talk to her, but she is so irrational, she won't listen to anything I have to say, its impossible. Everyone including myself is convinced my mom was filling a void in her life. During the time I was pregnant, my younger sister was moving out of my parents house & getting married, my parents last child living at home. My mom was so upset, she tried to talk my dad into lettn her have another baby. Im still convinced my mom knew what she was doing & she took advantage of me, we have never been close, this goes to show.
To ScottGem:
I am currently seeking counseling after reading what both you & Synnen had to say, it was really what I needed to hear. No one that I know (close friends) have told me that I shld seek counseling. I think they thought they were there for me to vent to & a shoulder to cry on. I think I needed to hear it frm the outside, people that don't know me, I really appreciate the advice. I am actually calling again on Monday to set up an appt w/a counselor. Most importantly I need to find a healthy way to deal w/all of this, crying once a week I know is not the way... thanks again to you both.

alwaysava27 · Nov 8, 2008, 11:10 PM

Okay, perhaps I should write a book next time about what Ive been through. AND maybe I shldnt have been so opinionated, and Im sorry about that. AND you are right, there is a lot more to my story than you could even imagine, you would be blown away if you knew the deceitfulness my family has done. AND I did try & get counseling few months after I gave my daughter to my parents, AND they recommended my parents come in for a counseling session as well because it seemed my parents were the ones who were being impossible & uncooperative, and sure enough they wldnt agree to the counseling. My parents wanted nothing to do w/it. SO then what?? I can't force my parents to go. I tried. I don't want anyone to make the same mistake I did. Yah circumstances are different in every situation which is why I agree I shldnt have been so opinionated, but think things through. Decisions like this shld be thought through. Whatever the decision, make sure its in the best interest of the child.

ScottGem · Nov 9, 2008, 10:53 AM

Note: I moved the last post from the other thread. Like I said, I don't want the other thread hijacked.

stevetcg · Nov 21, 2008, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

HOWEVER---did you stand in front of a judge at any point? You may want to talk to a lawyer (and you will need one if you plan on doing this--you don't have a snowball's chance if you don't have one) about the laws in your state, because I don't believe that a notary can grant oversee relinquishments of rights.

In MA in 2003, I gave my son up for adoption at a desk in a bank with nothing but a notary and the director of the adoption agency (lawyer). I have no reason to doubt that it was legal and binding.

ScottGem · Nov 21, 2008, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

In MA in 2003, I gave my son up for adoption at a desk in a bank with nothing but a notary and the director of the adoption agency (lawyer). I have no reason to doubt that it was legal and binding.

I'm not so sure it was legal and binding. According to Chapter 210 Section 2 of MA law, "Such written consent...shall be attested and subscribed before a notary public in the presence of two competent witnesses, one of whom shall be selected by said person". If only the Director and a notary were there, you may not have had sufficient witnesses.

But, if we assume that the Director and the notary functioned as the 2 witnesses, there are still some other things that had to have happened. The same chapter goes on to say; "The agency or person receiving custody shall act as guardian of the child until such time as a court of competent jurisdiction appoints a guardian or grants a petition for adoption". You may not have been aware of this, but for the adoption to be legal and binding it had to have been approved by a probate court judge.

A notary's only power here is to certify the identity of the signators. A notary has no other legal power to approve the adoption.

stevetcg · Nov 21, 2008, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm not so sure it was legal and binding. According to Chapter 210 Section 2 of MA law, "Such written consent...shall be attested and subscribed before a notary public in the presence of two competent witnesses, one of whom shall be selected by said person". If only the Director and a notary were there, you may not have had sufficient witnesses.

But, if we assume that the Director and the notary functioned as the 2 witnesses, there are still some other things that had to have happened. The same chapter goes on to say; "The agency or person receiving custody shall act as guardian of the child until such time as a court of competent jurisdiction appoints a guardian or grants a petition for adoption". You may not have been aware of this, but for the adoption to be legal and binding it had to have been approved by a probate court judge.

A notary's only power here is to certify the identity of the signators. A notary has no other legal power to approve the adoption.

The birth mom might have been there too. It was a long time ago and I had a few things on my mind that day.

I certainly never went to court. I was truly amazed with the process. I signed my name twice and that was it. Well... there was the DNA test too... but that was just me going to a lab.

ScottGem · Nov 21, 2008, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

The birth mom might have been there too. It was a long time ago and I had a few things on my mind that day.

I certainly never went to court. I was truly amazed with the process. I signed my name twice and that was it. Well... there was the DNA test too... but that was just me going to a lab.

MA law requires that all adoption placement be done through authorized agencies. This essentially means that MA has passed the buck to the adoption agencies to make sure that the birth parents are agreeable to the adoption. In addition there is a waiting period of not less than 96 hours after birth before the papers can be signed. While other states want the judge signing the decree to confirm the birth parent's agreement. This is the reason you did not need to go to court. But I suspect there were other witnesses that you don't recall. Probably some bank employees.

What you probably didn't realize is after you and the birth mother signed, the Director took custody of the child and handed it over to the adoptive parents later. They then went to court where a judge signed off on the adoption decree.

In every state, adoption is a legal process and an adoption is not final or legal, until a judge signs off on it.