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HKlinger · Nov 5, 2008, 09:15 AM

I'm in a sticky situation here. My husband and I split up earlier this year and I was involved in a new relationship. I went back to my husband and we are making it work, things haven't been better. Unfortunately when I came back, I found out about a week and a half later that I was pregnant.

The other guy is obviously the father. He has 2 children already with his ex-wife which he has custody of. His son doesn't live with him yet he collects child support for him (the son lives w/ his great-grandmother). My issue is that I know for a fact that he is not a good father; he can't support the children that he has; child support money goes to his truck (gas, insurance, payments), he has been physically abusive to his daughter (verbally abusive to both kids), he is unemployed, and hasn't paid rent for quite some time.

I know that the best thing to do for this child is to place it up for adoption. The father is making it incredibly difficult. I have had to file a PFA against him for harassment (phone calls, showing up to my home and job) as well as calling my doctors office to find out when I have my next appt (he told them he was calling on my behalf) and then following me from the office and he has made threats against my family in the past so I am very concerned for the welfare of myself, my family, and my unborn child. I don't know what he is capable of, especially with a baby involved.

I have been in touch with an adoption agency and I gave him the number as well so he can find out his rights (I want to make this as peaceful as possible). The counselor that I am working with has the same impression of him as I do... that it isn't about what is best for the child, it's about him getting me back and that the baby is the only way to do so.

What do I do?

Thanks so much and sorry so long!

Heather

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2008, 09:19 AM

You can only do what you are doing. You will need to prove to a court that the father is unfit and represents a danger to the child. If you can do so, you may be able to gets his rights terminated involuntarily.

cdad · Nov 5, 2008, 01:08 PM

I'm in a sticky situation here. My husband and I split up earlier this year and I was involved in a new relationship. I went back to my husband and we are making it work, things haven't been better.

You might be causing yourself undue process because if your still married to your husband and your not separated from him then your still married. In many states should you go to term with your child then your husband is the father of the child regardless of the DNA involved. He is the presumed father of the child. The other man your speaking of ( sperm donor ) is just that and may have no rights whatsoever. You need to talk to a lawyer near you who knows family law and how this works. If your husband is the legal father and this other guy has no rights your husband is the one you would have to get an agreement with to let the child go for adoption. Or he may decide he wants the baby after all since he has full right to the child.

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2008, 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

In many states should you go to term with your child then your husband is the father of the child regaurdless of the DNA involved. He is the presumed father of the child. The other man your speaking of ( sperm donor ) is just that and may have no rights whatsoever. .

This is true by default, but only if paternity is not challenged within a statutory time frame. If the bio father challenges paternity a test will be done to determine paternity and the legal father established.

cdad · Nov 5, 2008, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

This is true by default, but only if paternity is not challenged within a statutory time frame. If the bio father challenges paternity a test will be done to determine paternity and the legal father established.

It varies so much that's why I had said to consult a lawyer in their area. It's a difficult situation to be placed in.

asking · Nov 5, 2008, 02:32 PM

Califdad and scott are right. See a lawyer.

I respect your impulse to be cooperative and keep things peaceable with the father, and normally I would absolute agree with that. But your description of this man suggests he will use any information you give him against you. Your baby is an excellent way to hurt you or to create conflict between you and others.

I would avoid saying or doing anything that facilitates contact between the biological father and the adoptive parents or the baby. Short of breaking the law, don't help him get into contact with the baby. Be civil, but you are not obliged to help him collect the information he needs to continue harassing you.

It's nice to hear that you have been able to smooth over your troubles with your husband and that he accepts your pregnancy. Good luck!

HKlinger · Nov 5, 2008, 08:09 PM

Thank you all so much. I have been so stressed over this. Giving this child up isn't easy in the slightest.

Biology Expert, you are absolutely right. Everything I have been doing to make things work just backfire. Who uses them to get to me. I give him an inch and he wants a mile.

You all have been wonderful! Thank you SO MUCH! Hopefullthe next 5 months go smoother than the few!

-Heather