[JoeCanada76]

You should do what you think is the best decision. Not the so called father but you as an individual have to make the decision based on what you think is best and not let anybody make up your mind for you, or influence you.

[MsMewiththat]

I think that you should pray and make your mind up on your own. I was adopted too but my experience was different than TexasParents. I have a beautiful family all of my siblings are adopted and we know that we were chosen. Here's the deal God doesn't make mistakes. So as much as you think you made a mistake and got pregnant this live is intended or not intended to be here and will have you as parents or not have you as parents. Keep this decision to you, not really even allowing yourself to be influenced by his father. If I had listened to my sons father he wouldn't be here. At 18 it will be challenging to do all that you want to do, but what in life that is worth having isn't a little challenging. You'll survive and so will your baby. I can tell you also that adoption is a very tricky thing but something that has advanced since I was adopted. I had a period in my life where I thought I was going to die wondering who my mother was and wanting to thank her for choosing life for me and not getting rid of me in some dark alley. There are open adoptions and you can stay in the babies life. It is your decision what you want to do. You could keep him or her and force you and the father into growing up and stepping up to be who you are intended to be in this life. Pray and it will come to you. You don't have to decide immediately. Allow God, Good Luck. Stay in touch with us and let us know what you decide to do. When your ready reach out to other groups of other mothers that made both choices and see how they have survived with the choices that they have made they may be able to offer avenues of thought that you haven't considered. Answer the questions for yourself. You will be okay.

[frangipanis]

You need someone who can tell you your options ENTIRELY, someone who has no stake in the outcome, someone who is interested in helping YOU make the choice. Believe me--if you dont' work it through yourself, you'll have regrets forever, no matter which choice you make.

Beautiful comments Synnen, and this is especially true.

[TexasParent]

You know there is a lot of talk about the babies rights and being their voice when it comes to abortion; who speaks for them, what would they choose.

Well I think it's the same here, what would your baby want; YOU! No matter what their life would be like in terms of material things or lack thereof. They would want to stay with their mother.

I was given up for adoption at birth, that I knew. Later I found out I was in a foster setting for a year until that foster mother took ill and I ended up in another foster home for another 4 months.

When I found this out I cried my eyes out ( I was 32 when I discovered this ) as I had young children of my own and couldn't imagine them being taken from their mother for any reason; it would be a trauma so basic and profound that it would affect them for the rest of their lives, as it has me.

If the baby had a say, they would say "no, don't leave me mama!","I don't want to go with anyone but you!" and I don't care if the baby is just born, days, months or weeks old they if they could talk would say no.

I may not be popular here for not sitting on the fence and saying it's your choice, because it's not; just like abortion, where is the babies choice in all this? I choose to be that someone who is an advocate for your baby; and no baby wants to leave its mother.

You will find the strength, through God if you believe or through the love you have for your child and his/her future as well as your own.

In the instance of my birth mother she gave me up because her father had died the previous year and she had 5 younger siblings (including one who was mentally handicapped) to help her mother take care of. It was too much for her and she did think I would have a better life because she simply couldn't take care of another in her mind. I would have chose to stay given the chance, but she did what she thought was best at the time.

As for your predicament, I'm sorry but I don't have much sympathy because your reason or the fathers reason is because you want to go to college. It sounds very self-serving, do not listen to him; listen to God (if you believe), to your heart, and don't forget to listen to the hopes and desires of your baby to share it's formative years with it's mother.

[N0help4u]

You need to do as the others have said and decide what you feel is best. Once it is adopted you have no say unless maybe you go through one of those open adoptions. Then I am not even sure how much say or involvement they allow

[Synnen]

Open adoption still allows no LEGAL say in the raising of your child.

The level of your involvement is between you and the adoptive parents. Some visit once a week, some never visit and only receive pictures and letters every x months.

As far as the baby having a choice: Sorry, it doesn't. Your kids don't have a choice now on their bedtime, whether they're going to the doctor, or dentist, or school in the morning. There are a LOT of things that parents do in the best interest of their children that their children have NO say in. I refuse to even comment on abortion in this thread.

Regardless, the OP doesn't seem to have been back since October, and I doubt any of our answers are actually helping her at this point.

[N0help4u]

OH When it first started there was a TV documentary on women who adopted their babies and they had agreements that the adoptive families would allow them to have a say about everything. It tracked their lives and made it out like the biological mother was an extended family member.
I don't know, maybe it was some pilot program that didn't work out or something.

[Synnen]

In some cases that's true. But the birthmother has no LEGAL standing. What she gets is at the sufferance of the adoptive family.

Unless you're in CA or MN, once you have that baby you can disappear from the face of the earth and never contact the birthmother again if you desire. There's nothing LEGAL binding an open adoption--it's really on the honor system--except in those 2 states.

[m.dowd]

Love i'm a mum of a little girl age 3 and have a baby on the way and i'm 20 years. It is hard having a baby but i new want i was doing when i open my legs. I single mum of 1 mum and soon to be of to be a single mum of 2. it sounds to me you want this baby so don't do wants right for your bf. You give up your baby and then you go and get the life you want and then you have more kids and you other child comes looking 4 u asking why did'nt you love me but you love your other kid. When that baby born he or she be the best thing that happen to you they mean more then want your bf means and can give you a lot more then want a man can. If you get rid now you would be killing a life and it can stop having kids. At 7 weeks that baby would have a heart. Balls in your hand. You will be a good mum and tell that fake guy to p off if he don't want this baby because he don't want you. i'm only hear to help

[m.dowd]

I meant to say loves to ask you to do that he don't want

[Synnen]

Please watch dates when responding. If she were really to get "rid of" the child at this point, she really would be "killing a child", because the child is THREE YEARS OLD.

This thread is closed.