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cclement · Oct 25, 2008, 10:45 PM

I feel really stupid asking about this on the internet but I don't know what else to do. I think my boyfriend likes one of my friends. They always call each other. Like right now he is in the other room with her and a couple of my friends and I just heard her say THREE DIFFERENT TIMES to him "ok i'm going to call you in the morning". I've been dating him for almost four years and we live together and I don't know what to do. I can't afford the rent in this apartment by myself, but I know that's not a good reason to stay with someone. I don't WANT to leave him but sometimes I feel like that's my only choice. I'm so sick of all the flirting and the phone calls. What shoud I do?

ZoeMarie · Oct 25, 2008, 10:49 PM

Have you talked to either of them about this? I would talk to your boyfriend and see what his take on the situation is. Maybe do the same with your friend. You're going to have to find out what's really going on before you make any kind of decisions. I know when I was with a guy for 4 years he ended up pretty much becoming friends with my friends as well and when they would talk I didn't think anything of it. I guess what I'm trying to say is to communicate with both of them. If something is bothering you, let them know.

JBeaucaire · Oct 25, 2008, 11:13 PM

Calmly, without accusation, bring it up as if any answer he gives is really OK with you... because truth be told, you DO need to be OK even if he's slowly starting the process of moving away from you. You need to honestly know that, right?

You already know that if his heart is straying, it's going to stray. No amount of pleading, crying, beseeching, "why-oh-why"-ing will change the truth. Right?

So, deep breath, cup of coffee, talk to him about what you see and what you suspect... tell him it's OK if that is really what is going on, because you want him to be happy, and no way you're going to be "that girl" if he's already on the way out the door.

Accept his answer with an open spirit, as best you can. Try not to fall apart during if things go badly as best you can. Come back and tell us how he responds.

Oh, and whether you really know it yet or not, you will be OK either way.

SimpleguyJoe · Oct 26, 2008, 01:08 PM

Got to spread the rep, but well thought out and intelligent like always JB. Pesky rocket scientist with their open ways at looking at things. But on a serious note you give some of the BEST advice on this site.

JBeaucaire · Oct 26, 2008, 11:27 PM

You make me blush...

But mostly, I want to be sure that I'm not off-base. I like to know from the original poster(s) if they find my answers helpful to them... and they don't always say... (pout)

guardianangel03 · Nov 22, 2010, 03:30 PM

I'm in almost the same situation, except I'm way younger than you. You should talk it out, or, if your boyfriend is impossible then you need to tell your friend to back off a little, in a nice way. Explain to her that you feel like it's getting a little bit more than friendship and you really would appreciate her to talk to him for you, maybe set the guidelines on their friendship. Don't let it go, if there really is something it can't go unchecked.