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quiteunsure · Oct 21, 2008, 05:26 PM

Hey.. the short story.. ex broke it off about 8 months ago, I tried like a fool to get back, she kept saying don't know, etc, then finally about month ago after some casual get togethers she said sshe didn't think it could work between us and she starting to see other people. That was enough for me.. I decided I would stop my foolishness.. NC'd her, took off Facebook, etc.. Haven't talked to her in month or so. Have seen her friends around, had lunch with some mutual friends, been my old fun self. Get email from her asking how in doing? Saying how she can't remember what we decided about communicating? How she's been hearing about me lots through other friends.. I assume she trying to be nice or perked interest or whatever. That was about 4 days ago. I'm torn in that a) I really don't want to contact her.. want to stay NC n get past this crap. I probably would want to be friends at some point but not after she so recently totally shot me down. b) Is it rude if I don't reply.. she had done the old reply to messages about 5 days later when I would send them to her back then.. I hated it, don't want to play games.. Or maybe just one sentence thing about how I'm busy and take it easy? Some advice/insight would be great.. more for my sanity.

Wondergirl · Oct 21, 2008, 05:33 PM

Continue NC. Otherwise, you will be sorry. She just wants to check to see how much you miss her.

Dragonfly1234 · Oct 21, 2008, 06:22 PM

NC... period. She knows you're moving on and she wants to keep you interested for a little while longer. Rude is something that you should worry about or care about only if she is your girlfriend you two shared a relationship that you were working on keeping healthy and functional, not the case. Not replying to a txt from someone who told you it's over is not rude, it's common sense. Don't give in to the oldest trick in the world. "Couldn't remember what we decided regarding communications", not answering that txt answers that question.

Guidostern · Oct 21, 2008, 06:42 PM

Got to agree with everyone else... You're not being rude at all... don't worry about being rude... she doesn't matter anymore... YOU DO... so keep your head up and don't let her mess with your mind anymore than she already has...

I can tell you from recent experience that you will regret it... she may have your mutual friends giving her updates and so on... she may have them tell you things about her to see if your interest is peaked at all... don't fall for it... if your mutual friends bring it up, just say you've moved on and that's it... don't show any emotions because the minute you do, she'll suck them right out of you...

chuff · Oct 21, 2008, 07:32 PM

You don't have to worry about being rude to your ex. She's being rude to you. She has found out through mutual friends that you are back to your happy self and you've been ignoring her which means now she is no longer in control of this situation.

Originally Posted by quiteunsure

Get email from her askin how in doin? sayin how she can't remember what we decided about communicating?

First what a lame... and I mean LAME attempt at both trying to contact you and get an emotional reaction from you at the same time while under the lie of "I can't remember."

I would in no way answer this, but if she ever does see you and asks about this, I would tell her one of two things.

1. I never got that email, it must have gone into my spam folder.
2. If you can't remember what we decided about communication I don't think you are somebody I should communicate with.

Personally, I think number 1 is better in that there is no bitterness, but number 2 does offer a flat out "I'm not talking to you" in a polite but firm way.

Now to follow up with everybody else, do not contact this woman. Stay away from her for as long as you can.

talaniman · Oct 21, 2008, 08:21 PM

The beauty of staying with NC, is you don't have to do anything!

Romefalls19 · Oct 22, 2008, 06:10 AM

Well, if you respond I can tell you exactly what will happen. You will fly onto this forum asking us why you were so stupid to respond and that you are confused again.

You will then get a reply from Tal asking you how many times you will beat your head against a wall and everyone agreeing.

So save the trouble!

chuff · Oct 22, 2008, 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Well, if you respond I can tell you exactly what will happen. You will fly onto this forum asking us why you were so stupid to respond and that you are confused again.

You will then get a reply from Tal asking you how many times you will beat your head against a wall and everyone agreeing.

So save the trouble!

I had to spread it, but this is exactly... I mean word for word exactly what will happen. Tal is already sitting at the keyboard and ready to type... and I'm ready to hit the "rate answer" button in agreement.

quiteunsure · Oct 27, 2008, 07:57 PM

Quick question, I haven't replied by the way. I'm actually feeling quite over my ex.. no malice or odd feelings, indifference really.. its over but neither of us did anything to sabotage it and we both were kind to each other through most of it. Anyway.. There's this girl, she gorgeous, made me totally forget who ex was.. problem is she works sort of with my ex.. at same place of work and they just got to know each other over last 2-3 months I think. My friends tell me it can't happen, Ive burned that bridge.. Now Im thinking the quicker I get to "friendville" with ex the better shot I have of getting with this girl. I could really care less about being in friendville with ex, don't even need to interact much, just speed up healin or whatever.. Can this happen or just a pipedream..?

Wondergirl · Oct 27, 2008, 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by quiteunsure

Quick question, I havnt replied btw. I'm actually feelin quite over my ex.. no malice or odd feelings, indifference really.. its over but neither of us did anything to sabotage it and we both were kind to each other through most of it. Anyway.. Theres this girl, she gorgeous, made me totally forget who ex was.. problem is she works sort of with my ex.. at same place of work and they just got to know each other over last 2-3 months i think. My friends tell me it can't happen, Ive burned that bridge.. Now Im thinkin the quicker I get to "friendville" with ex the better shot I have of gettin with this girl. I could really care less about being in friendville with ex, dont even need to interact much, just speed up healin or whatever.. Can this happen or just a pipedream.. ??

Why get to friendville with your ex? If New Girl doesn't like you for you, and is turned off somehow by your ex, she isn't worth a hill of beans--or your time.

I say go for it!

chuff · Oct 27, 2008, 08:19 PM

Forget being a friend with the ex. You don't need to be and in reality this situation has set you up perfect for the girl she works with. You ex expects you to stick around and always be available so showing interest in the new girl will teach her a lesson about who she was dealing with. Furthermore, you if your ex says anything negative about you, it's only going to make the new girl see if your ex is lying. If your ex says to stay away from you and you say that your ex is a great person and you wish her the best then DROP IT. Do not ever bring her up again. The new girl is going to think you're the good guy who is positive and flexible while the ex is bitter and purposely trying to sabatoge you, which again is only going to put you in a good light.

quiteunsure · Oct 27, 2008, 08:46 PM

Its not that I'm worried about what ex thinks, these two work at same place and are newly friends/friendly.. more that being the obstacle.. sort f like going for ex's pseudo friend as opposed to just workmate...

Wondergirl · Oct 27, 2008, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by quiteunsure

Its not that im worried about what ex thinks, these two work at same place and are newly friends/friendly.. more that being the obstacle.. sort f like goin for ex's pseudo friend as opposed to just workmate...

They are coworkers. They may never be friends. I work with about 25 people, some of them for 24 years. None of them are my friends in my social life. In fact, only two of them are friends with each other outside of work, and they were friends before they both started working there.

Now, go back and read what Chuff said.

You are not your ex's pseudo friend or BFF or anything. Be pleasant if she's in your range of vision, but avoid contact whenever possible.

chuff · Oct 28, 2008, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by quiteunsure

Its not that im worried about what ex thinks, these two work at same place and are newly friends/friendly.. more that being the obstacle.. sort f like goin for ex's pseudo friend as opposed to just workmate...

Reread my post. This helps you, not hurts you.

quiteunsure · Nov 1, 2008, 12:54 PM

So was at halloween paty and that girl was there, ex was not. I chatted her up, going really good, so I ask her for her number at end night. Then she says she would give it to me but can't because of ex and she knows her. I was like that's fine, what evs.. And to top it off found out that ex is leaving to switzerlasnd for a trip (week or 2).. I know she's going to meet this guy who she met in the summer on vacation in south america like 4 months after we broke up... ahh well, so is life...

BMI · Nov 1, 2008, 01:05 PM

Sorry dude:(

Ex-girls suck!!

quiteunsure · Nov 1, 2008, 01:38 PM

Im half tempted to message ex.. I know I shouldn't, just to say hello.. partly because you never know what could happen when people go away..? Is this an absolutely awful idea.. I don't actually feel that upset.. partly just want it to be in open.. I'm actually OK with her going she's got to do what she got to do.. maybe it'll erk her a bit knowing I'm OK wit it..

Wondergirl · Nov 1, 2008, 01:51 PM

Leave it alone. The ex will be back. Don't compromise the new girl or the ex.

Certainly there must be more than two girls in the neighborhood??

Romefalls19 · Nov 1, 2008, 02:17 PM

Just let it go, it's over you need to come to terms with that. Messaging her will accomplish nothing but you coming back onto the forum asking if there is hope because she responded saying "Thank you:-)" I can see it now, "guys she put a happy face, what does it mean? Is there hope?"

Safe yourself the trouble

BMI · Nov 3, 2008, 08:16 AM

I doubt there is a person on this site that hasn't convinced themselves they are over their ex in order to see "what if". The fact you are even suggesting messaging her means you are nowhere near what you think you believe.

Message her and you will soon see how not over her you really are.