[BuckyLS50]

My girlfriends brother killed himself almost a month ago. She is the type of girl that keeps stuff in. I know she is hurting and wants to talk but won't talk, is there anything I should do?

[starbuck8]

You might try and start the conversation by saying that you wish you could have gotten to know her brother better. I don't know how well you knew him, if at all. Maybe start by asking what kind of guy he was. Ask about things he was interested in. Hobbies, Sports, Music etc. or what he was like when they were growing up together.

I don't know the ages of anyone involved, or the circumstances surrounding this, so it's hard to say for any one person what is the best thing to do. But, if you show her it is safe for her to talk to you about her brother, then she might slowly open up and talk to you about him. Suicide is a very hard thing to go through, and she is probably still processing the whole thing in her own head.

Just be there for her, and be prepared for a range of emotions. It will probably take her a lot of time to work through it.

If you ask her anything, and she doesn't want to talk, don't push her. Let her have her time to grieve, but also let her know that you will be there for her when she needs you.

My sympathy's to her and you.

[spyderglass]

Just let her know that you are there for her whenever she needs you. You could start by telling her that you know she keeps things to herself, remind her that keeping things inside isn't good for her. Tell her that it hurts you to see her hurting all by herself.
But as long as she doesn't feel alone in her grief she should eventually feel better, you never really fully get over the death of a family member or a close friend.

[Wondergirl]

Don't "lecture" her about how she needs to talk, etc. Be concrete and cut to the chase by doing the following:

Suggest the two of you write a memory book about her brother--she can supply the memories and you write them down as she talks and you ask questions that keep her talking--or even tape her comments and reminiscences. Add art work or photos or a collage. She may want to include family members to help her do this.

Suggest you plant a bush or tree in his memory. Figure out where and go to a nursery together after discussing what to plant.

Sit with her and look at photos of him at various ages and having fun with friends and family. Ask her to describe the situations. Keep her talking about each photo.

Yes, she will cry. That's good. She needs to mourn. Be there to hold her. Be her rock, her anchor. Help her celebrate his life!

[starbuck8]

I also would like to add, that you are a good boyfriend for wanting to help her through this tough time, and asking how to help. That is very commendable. It can't be an easy thing for her to deal with, or even comprehend right now, since it is still very fresh and raw in her mind.