[Lost4]

4 years and a breakup

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Me and my X met at our first jobs when I was 24 and she was 22. She began chasing me at work and having her friends come to my desk to ask if I was interested in her. I always said no and I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship. After about a month of this nonstop badgering of me, I gave in and we finally hooked up. We then started dating and it was great. I moved out of my parents house and moved into a house with a roommate. I found out very quickly that she was a little embarrassed of her family and never had me around them. After 2 years or so, she really had no place to live so she moved in with me. We never formally talked about it really but she slowly started moving her things in. After about a year after that, she had about everything she had moved in and we were living together with of course my roommate. She became friends with him like a brother and it was perfect.

Just so you know, we are from different cultures and different religions as well but we never really discussed it during the first 3 years of dating. We are not very religious so it never mattered. We have different political views as well. This stuff all started to bother her later on in the relationship when I was becoming more and more involved with her family. I know her family told her she could not get married by a priest and in a church so she was being pressured. She always said we are very different people. I always told her that I want someone different from me because it would be very boring with the same type of person. I am a very domesticated person, I cooked and cleaned for her all the time. She was really not that way but started to get better at it.

In year three, we both switched jobs and my employer closed their doors. I didn’t have a job for 4 months at that point but I was still being paid because of the way the company closed its doors. I was obviously very stressed and was crazy looking for a job and going on interviews. She has family in another country so she decided to go visit and I did not want to go because I really needed to be focusing on looking for a job for our future and not partying in another country. She did not understand and went with her friends and a few family members of hers. During this time we spoke to each other every night while she was away and she always said she missed me. During this time, I decided to look for an engagement ring. Her sisters helped me pick it out and I was ready to propose. She always left me pictures of a ring so I know she was ready. I planned it all out when she got back and when we were driving to the place where I was going to propose, she started talking weird like we might not be a good fit for each other. I was obviously very shocked and I stopped driving immediately. We talked for a minute and I then showed her the ring and she began crying and begging to just propose. It didn’t feel right so I couldn’t do it at that time. When we got back to my place, she had her friends come over and start to take all of her stuff out of the apartment. I obviously freaked out and she left.

In about 3 days, she came back mostly because her sisters talked to her and told her that life is not always peachy. There are rough times and you have to roll with them. She came back and resumed living our lives again. One of the main problems she had when she left was me not partying all the time. She wants to have a lot of fun in life and I am more of a home body. As I get older, I just got to a point where I wanted to settle down and have children with her which she always said to me too. I got a job with her family in law so I started becoming friends with her family members.

About 8 months goes by and she finds the ring in my room and proposes to me on one knee in our living room. I obviously couldn’t let her do that because I have my pride and that is the man’s job. She understood and we went on with our lives. I planned a weekend away at a place we loved to go away to and I was ready to propose again about 2 months later. During this time, for about 2 months, she did not have a job because she was focusing on school. She didn’t go to college before we met because her father passed away but I insisted that she go. She did and graduated. My parents had a grad party for her at their house. 2 months later and after a vacation away with me and my parents, she decides to stay at her sisters for a week to babysit their son. She did not come home at all and we didn’t speak a lot so I knew something was wrong. A week goes by and I get a text from her saying we need to talk. I got a bit scared and starting asking what the problem was. She texts me and says that we are not meant to be with each other. She doesn’t answer the phone after that, nothing. I find her at her parents’ house the next day to talk and she said she needed time to think.
I did for 2 days and got restless. She showed up at my house with her nephew that she was watching and they start to take all of her stuff out of the house. She didn’t want to talk though still, she typed a letter for me to read. I demanded that we speak after 4 years and she said that she does not love me anymore and the way she should to marry someone. I obviously freaked out and handed her the ring box to take because I was not going to give it to someone else. I called her but never got an answer until I found out that she was partying and not caring about what happened. She answered and we talked for 10 minutes or so and she said that she is having a lot of fun and it’s the right decision because she doesn’t love me anymore. I freaked out and told her off. We were moving out into my parents house which is a 2 family in October. We were ready to have our own place which I know she was very excited about.

She came back to the house for the rest of her things 2 days later and we spoke for 5 minutes. After 4 years, I had 5 minutes with her and that’s all. She cried because I was trying to be strong and I told her I loved her. She told me not to wait for her. We had a bunch of weddings to go to as well and she had just bought all the dresses for them and she was very excited. Then she leaves. Since that time which was about 2 months ago, I have texted, and called but have only received 1 response. She texted saying that it was not smart for us to talk now. And sorry. During that month, her familty told me she bought a new car and is moving in an apartment with some friends which she met through me. She also just got a new job too which I put all the resumes together for weeks before and basically was a result of me making her go back to school.

She is telling people she is happy now and is ignoring me. She apparently isn't upset about the relationship ending at all. At this point, because she broke up with over a letter and text and basically told everyone that she couldn’t wait to marry me a month before. I obviously want to speak at least because I know we meant more to her than what she is doing now but she is ignoring me like the plague.

If a girl proposes to you and then says she doesn’t love you anymore because we are too different after 4 years and begging to marry her, what the hell do I do. She won't talk to me anyway so I haven't tried to contact her at all for 2 weeks now.

[kinepela]

Hi there,

I'm sorry that you had to go through that - While I don't think anyone can give you the perfect answer to solve this situation, I will say that to me, it sounds like she got in over her head and caught up with "the moment" and as time passed and she experienced more out of life, she realized she wasn't happy where she was. That's not to say you aren't a wonderful person, but that she isn't happy in that situation anymore. The best thing to do,m as hard as it is, is to let her go and to move on with your OWN life - someone is waiting for you to find them!

I hope this helps-

[Lost4]

Thanks for your response. What I found out months later was that she was talking to another guy for months and months before we broke up and noe she is with him. So she obviously was cheating on me whether it be physical or emotionally. I am and will always be disgusted with her actions and how she has not even felt one bit of remorese for what she did. I have not spoken to her once since the breakup and I found out about the other guy through Facebook. Silvia is obviously very immature and doesn't realize how cold of a person she really is. One bit of advice for guys, do not date albanian women. They have no morals what so ever.

[chrissymarie]

She seems like a confused woman. If she's saying she doesn't love you anymore she probably doesn't. Maybe her family and friends were pressuring marriage because you 2 have been together for so long with out marriage. Perhaps the mix of desperation to get married and confusion about you being the one sent her overboard and she completely wants to move on and start over.

If she can be so cold to you after 4 years of a relationship maybe the relationship has been over longer then you thought. It just wasn't confirmed by both you and her.