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gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 07:41 AM

I have a question and I hope that someone can finally answer it. My husband had a child by a one night stand basically, and really she did not even know if it was his or her boyfriends. Well before any DNA test was given she gave the baby the boyfriends last name and he is the one who signed the birth certificate. The DNA test was done and he was not the father and my husband had a DNA test done and he was the father. I know that this sounds really bad and that, but he does not want anything to do with this child and he wants to sign his parental rights away but does not know how to go about it. The child lives in upstate New York and we currently reside in North Carolina. Everyone keeps telling us that he can not sign his rights away in New York without someone adopting the child, but we recently found out that someone he knows just signed his rights away and the child was not being adopted. To also add she does not want my husband to have anything to do with the child and has an order of protection on him, which I do not see how since we live in two different states. She told him to leave her and her son alone and to never bother them again. She wants his money though. Just to be clear he does pay child support. He also had received a call saying her boyfriend wants to adopt the child somehow and wants his permission. We called back at the number we were given and it was wrong. She lives with her boyfriend and the child and their other other child as well and just wants my husband to have nothing to do with the child. So, how can we go about this? What does he have to do?

stinawords · Sep 30, 2008, 07:51 AM

Was the DNA test court ordered? Is the child support court ordered? If not then he needs to stop sending support. Because if none of this is cour ordered then he isn't even the legal father therefore has no rights to sign away. Courts don't let people just sign away their rights there must be more to the story of they guy he knows. If it was court ordered then he is the legal father and can go file for visitation or if the step dad really wants to adopt then they will get the adoption attorney and your husband will just have to sign a couple papers. But we are going to need more information about what has and hasn't gone to court otherwise everyone will be guessing about the situation as I am.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 08:12 AM

The DNA test was not court ordered he actually asked for it when he found out that her boyfriend was not the father. When he went to court for the results of the DNA test he was ordered to pay support right then and there. He was also right off the bat behind in child support, which I find that wrong because he had just found out that the child was his. So, yes the child support was court ordered and the DNA test was not, that was on his own

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Was the DNA test court ordered? Is the child support court ordered? If not then he needs to stop sending support. Because if none of this is cour ordered then he isn't even the legal father therefore has no rights to sign away. Courts don't let people just sign away their rights there must be more to the story of they guy he knows. If it was court ordered then he is the legal father and can go file for visitation or if the step dad really wants to adopt then they will get the adoption attorney and your husband will just have to sign a couple papers. But we are going to need more information about what has and hasn't gone to court otherwise everyone will be guessing about the situation as I am.

I put the answer in the wrong place, sorry about that, I am new to this. The DNA test was not court ordered he asked for that when he found out that the boyfriend was not the father. When he went to court for the DNA test results he was court ordered child support then and there. Sonmehow the curts even had pay stubs from his job at the time and he did not even know how they got them. I thought that he was supposed to give them the pay stubs and I find that wrong that they went behind his back and got them without his knowledge. They made sure they got his biggest pay stubs to, which those were just when he worked over time and did not make that much all the time.

stinawords · Sep 30, 2008, 08:34 AM

How old is the child now? I am guessing that the child was born in New York? I don't remember which way New York goes as far as a "long term stable relationship" or one year marriage but Judy would she is from there. That will make a bigger difference in if the boyfriend is able to adopt. Until then your husband is just going to have to pay the support he dosen't have to visit or anything but it is his kid so he does have to support it.

JudyKayTee · Sep 30, 2008, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by gucci13

I put the answer in the wrong place, sorry about that, I am new to this. The DNA test was not court ordered he asked for that when he found out that the boyfriend was not the father. When he went to court for the DNA test results he was court ordered child support then and there. Sonmehow the curts even had pay stubs from his job at the time and he did not even know how they got them. I thought that he was supposed to give them the pay stubs and I find that wrong that they went behind his back and got them without his knowledge. They made sure they got his biggest pay stubs to, which those were just when he worked over time and did not make that much all the time.

So the DNA test did determine he is the father? Are you saying he went for testing and was ordered to pay support before the test results came in?

For whatever reason the pay stubs must have been subpoenaed, which can happen - I am surprised because I am in NY and have never seen child support based solely on pay stubs. Many people (construction workers, for example) make more in one season than another and so the Court looks at tax returns.

As far as some other father signing away his rights in NY, that is just not possible. Perhaps the father didn't ask for visitation and/or custody or any type of input in the child's life. That's not the same as signing away rights. I would be interested in the details because I do not believe it is possible.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

How old is the child now? I am guessing that the child was born in New York? I don't remember which way New York goes as far as a "long term stable relationship" or one year marriage but Judy would she is from there. That will make a bigger difference in if the boyfriend is able to adopt. Until then your husband is just going to have to pay the support he dosen't have to visit or anything but it is his kid so he does have to support it.

The Child is now a little over one year old, and he was born in New York. Thank you for your help.

ScottGem · Sep 30, 2008, 08:48 AM

As noted here and in hundreds of threads, getting a TPR is next to impossible unless its to clear the way for an adoption or if the father represents a danger to the child. I don't know the circumstances in the case of your husband's acquaintance, but I'm sure its not as cut and tried as he is being told.

I see two possible scenarios here. Since your husband is the legal father at this point he has rights. He can go to court to enforce those rights and get visitation etc.

Or he can hope that the boyfriend does want to adopt which will end his parentage.

If he tries fighting for visitation, this could spur the mother and boyfriend to go ahead with the adoption. Because, unless she can prove he is unfit, the courts should grant him visitation.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

So the DNA test did determine he is the father? Are you saying he went for testing and was ordered to pay support before the test results came in?

For whatever reason the pay stubs must have been subpoenaed, which can happen - I am surprised because I am in NY and have never seen child support based solely on pay stubs. Many people (construction workers, for example) make more in one season than another and so the Court looks at tax returns.

As far as some other father signing away his rights in NY, that is just not possible. Perhaps the father didn't ask for visitation and/or custody or any type of input in the child's life. That's not the same as signing away rights. I would be interested in the details because I do not believe it is possible.

Yes, the DNA results came back that he was the father, and it was the same day that he found out it was his that they ordered child support. Can the courts get his pay stubs without his knowledge? That is all they went on, they did not consider he had a wife and two step-children and our child together, and that he was the only one working in the house. He also said he didn't tell them he was married and all of that. So, wee wrote to the courts and we told them that he was and has been married and has three kids to take care and that he is the only one working in the house and has to pay for everything. We also sent them all we pay and how much we pay for bills, school lunches, food, all the things we need for our son, who is only 7months old, and just basically everything we pay and that we are left with 21 dollars a month. He has a good job and only gets paid once a month and so they said basically they did not care and that he does not exceed the 270 doolars a week, I really do not know what that means though, and now we just found out that I am going to have another child. I do not understand how they expect us to live. He has no problem paying the child support but don't know how we are supposed to live.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

As noted here and in hundreds of threads, getting a TPR is next to impossible unless its to clear the way for an adoption or if the father represents a danger to the child. I don't know the circumstances in the case of your husband's aquaintance, but I'm sure its not as cut and tried as he is being told.

I see two possible scenarios here. Since your husband is the legal father at this point he has rights. He can go to court to enforce those rights and get visitation etc.

Or he can hope that the bf does want to adopt which will end his parentage.

If he tries fighting for visitation, this could spur the mother and bf to go ahead with the adoption. Because, unless she can prove he is unfit, the courts should grant him visitation.

The mother does not want him to have anything to do with the child and has put a order of protection on him, which means he can not go around them. We all live in two different states anyway and don't know how the oop came about.

ScottGem · Sep 30, 2008, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by gucci13

The mother does not want him to have anything to do with the child and has put a order of protection on him, which means he can not go around them. We all live in two different states anyway and don't know how the oop came about.

That's not the mother's choice. He is the legal father and he has rights. He just needs to go to the court to enforce them.

I'm wondering how you know of the OOP? Its certainly possible she got a temporary restraining order by ltying to a judge. Since your husband apparently did not show up in court to fight it, it was granted. But if he fights for his rights, she will have to prove him unfit, and that won't be easy. Basically he has to weigh what it will cost him to fight as opposed to what it will cost him to support the child.

As for the support amount. If he feels that was based on padded pay stubs, then go back to court and fight it. While Family Courts don't always dispense real justice, the law does protect people. And most often rulings that are made on insufficient evidence can be reversed. But you have to be willing to fight.

stinawords · Sep 30, 2008, 09:33 AM

Also support is figured as a percentage of pay. I know in my state that subsequent children are figured in therefore reducing the amount paid (not all states do that) but in all the states that I know of they have to be legal children not step children they are your responsibility so the court would tell you to get a job.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

That's not the mother's choice. He is the legal father and he has rights. he just needs to go to the court to enforce them.

I'm wondering how you know of the OOP? Its certainly possible she got a temporary restraining order by ltying to a judge. Since your husband apparently did not show up in court to fight it, it was granted. But if he fights for his rights, she will have to prove him unfit, and that won't be easy. Basically he has to weigh what it will cost him to fight as opposed to what it will cost him to support the child.

As for the support amount. If he feels that was based on padded pay stubs, then go back to court and fight it. While Family Courts don't always dispense real justice, the law does protect people. And most often rulings that are made on insufficient evidence can be reversed. But you have to be willing to fight.

She is the one who told us about the oop, that is the only way we found out about it. I don't know if it was granted for sure or not since he was never arrested, and there has to be an arrest made from what I understand. We would fight it and go up to New York but I guess there is a warrant for his arrest so that the oop can be issued and he can't be arrested, he would lose his job here and we really can not afford that. This situation is really hard because all she wants is his money, which I know for a fact that the child does not even get the money she spends it all in the bars and her boyfriend. I don't really know what to do.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Also support is figured as a percentage of pay. I know in my state that subsequent children are figured in therefore reducing the amount paid (not all states do that) but in all the states that I know of they have to be legal children not step children they are your responsibility so the court would tell you to get a job.

I totally understand that, but since the their biological father has nothing to do with them and does not pay support or contact them then he assumed all responsibility. He wants to adopt them but their father will not let it happen. That alone is another story.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by gucci13

I totally understand that, but since the their biological father has nothing to do with them and does not pay support or contact them then he assumed all responsibility. He wants to adopt them but their father will not let it happen. That alone is another story.

I mean he pays for their insurance and everything which their bio father was supposed to and that was in our divorce papers, that was back in 2004. He has accepted total responsibility for them and they live with us so I assumed that since he is the one who takes care of them, buys their food, pays for their lunches etc. at school, buys their clothes and everything that comes a long with it that all that monies being paid out for them should be added in our expenses. If it doesn't then that is wrong and they are dumb for thinking that it shouldn't because kids are not free, you know?

ScottGem · Sep 30, 2008, 10:45 AM

Ok, so your only knowledge of the OOP is because she told you there was one? And you believe her? I mean really, she's trying to intimidate him from fighting this.

An OOP is issued when someone complains that another person is harassing, threatening or abusing them. It simply states that the subject of the order cannot approach or bother the complainant. It does not mean that there is a warrant out for his arrest or that he will be arrested if he comes to NY. In fact, that is less likely. I would greatly doubt that the OOP exists. Since you said this was a one night stand, there doesn't seem to be much grounds for an OOP.

You need to start doing your own fact checking and not rely on anecdotal information. Get an attorney! The attorney can check if there is an outstanding warrant or OOP against him.

The attorney can then prepare a case for visitation, modification of support etc.

stinawords · Sep 30, 2008, 11:18 AM

It is true that kids aren't free I have my own to prove that. But what you may want to do so that your husband can afford to pay is support is to go after your children's father for the support and insurance payemnts or what ever is owed to you. I also know what it is like to have to pay suppor because I have a step son that my husband pays each week for so I know what it is lilke. The problem is that he made the child and if every father wanted to show how many expences he had in order to have his support reduced then every guy would be living outside his means to prove that he can't afford it. (I'm not saying that you are trying to live outside your means its just a fact that courts would be an even bigger mess if they allowed all of these deductions)

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Ok, so your only knowledge of the OOP is because she told you there was one? And you believe her? I mean really, she's trying to intimidate him from fighting this.

An OOP is issued when somone complains that another person is harassing, threatening or abusing them. It simply states that the subject of the order cannot approach or bother the complainant. It does not mean that there is a warrant out for his arrest or that he will be arrested if he comes to NY. In fact, that is less likely. I would greatly doubt that the OOP exists. Since you said this was a one night stand, there doesn't seem to be much grounds for an OOP.

You need to start doing your own fact checking and not rely on anecdotal information. Get an attorney! The attorney can check if there is an outstanding warrant or OOP against him.

The attorney can then prepare a case for visitation, modification of support etc.

The OOP is because of harassing I guess, because he called up there to see how the child was doing. She is one of those girls who is vindictive. I have dealt with this girl before I even knew my husband. She is nothing but trouble and goes around and gets pregnant by different men for their money. We also called to the police department up there and there really is one they said there is a warrant for his arrest to. The whole thing is stupid we leave in NC and he just wanted to see how the kid was doing.

gucci13 · Sep 30, 2008, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

It is true that kids aren't free I have my own to prove that. But what you may want to do so that your husband can afford to pay is support is to go after your children's father for the support and insurance payemnts or what ever is owed to you. I also know what it is like to have to pay suppor because I have a step son that my husband pays each week for so I know what it is lilke. The problem is that he made the child and if every father wanted to show how many expences he had in order to have his support reduced then every guy would be living outside his means to prove that he can't afford it. (I'm not saying that you are trying to live outside your means its just a fact that courts would be an even bigger mess if they allowed all of these deductions)

I hear what you are saying and I wish I could live outside my means, that would be great for once in our lives. I have gone after my other 2 kids father for child support 4 years ago when I left him and he wasn't helping at all wouldn't watch them so I could work or anything, so I had to go get help from the government and still pay a sitter on top of that so I could work. Since I had to get help and he was on welfare as well (just cause he is lazy) they ordered him only 25 dollars a month for 2 kids. I never got that and eventually I had it dropepd so that I could move to NC. Plus, 25 dollars doesn't pay for nothing now a days, especially for 2 kids.

cdad · Sep 30, 2008, 01:46 PM

What really needs to happen is that you need to start getting all the loose ends together and make sure to make plenty of knots along the way. This has been wrong on many levels and needs to be corrected NOW. For a couple to adopt a child usually they must be married first. So don't wait for this boyfriend to do anything. As far as a warrant goes you need to clear that up. Im guessing its almost a no brainer. The warrant was more then likely issued during the hearing because he should have been served notice of a hearing and given temporary orders from the courts so she could pursue the OOP. Its normal in most cases to issue a bench warrant so the party being accused shows up.. no show = warrant for arrest. As far as your " ex " you still need to pursue it again even through local agencies because your children are the ones missing out. He may be more condusive to signing away things of your husband wants to adopt and is free to do so. Then they will be his " legal " children. Also I agree that they should have went from the tax return and not from pay stubs. Insurance is now deductable and they may not even have considered it. He needs to see what adjustments can be made in that area. In NY overtime pay can be considered when calculating child support. Keep that in mind. Bottom line is you really need a lawyer and you need to straighten this whole mess out before it comes back to bite you even further in the future.