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splouce · Sep 29, 2008, 11:35 PM

Ok so me and my girlfriend moved to another city on the other side of the country, She has one friend here and I have a bunch from previous cities. Since being here I have slowly became a . My girl friend is a sweet heart, she's really trust worthy and honest. When hangin out with my friends I barley talk to her. I have been barley paying any attetention to her at home. But when we are alone I talk. All my friends here are guys and I don't trust them around my lady. I feel insecure about myself and push her away. I get down on myself and think she can do better than me. I know she loves me a lot and I do too. Right now she is at her friends house because she can't take it no more. I don't appreciate her like I used to and this is since we moved to a different city. I know she is the one and my type. And she wants to talk. Every time we try it doesn't work. I need some advice to make it this work I am willing to work on this. How can I stop sitting in my.

starbuck8 · Sep 29, 2008, 11:56 PM

You know you are going to lose her if you keep on doing this, don't you?! It's plainly a matter of giving her the space she needs. If she has not given you any reason not to trust her, then don't undermine her by giving her a reason not to trust you and the way you react.

You can change this by simply respecting, and trusting her that she loves you, and will not try to hurt you. You are shooting yourself in the foot if you don't.

Tell her that you trust her to make the right decisions, and that you will work on your own insecurities! That is what it boils down to after all. This is your problem and not hers, but you are making it her problem, and it will only push her straight out the door.

Good Luck

EDIT:... and by the way, stop being so jealous around your friends, and STOP ignoring her. That is a sure way to lose her to one of them that sees how you are treating her, and offers her a shoulder... I can see that from miles away! I don't think you need to know why you are acting this way... simply change it!!

splouce · Sep 30, 2008, 05:24 AM

So now I still feel like a idiot and I really think if I break up with her that will solve everything. I just want to give up I guess, I don't know. She does not deserve this and I don't know if I can change that. Im driving myself nuts. And I smoke weed and she hates that. Is it the right choice for me to just end it. I want to keep going but that just seems like the easy way to solve this.

starbuck8 · Sep 30, 2008, 09:21 AM

Well if you just want to run from everything that looks like it will take work on your behalf, then by all means, leave her before you waste anymore of this girls life. The easy way out is leaving, because you are letting yourself off the hook, and in that case, don't get into anymore relationships until you are mature enough to realise that relationships take work. If you are not willing to do that, you don't have the right to be in one.

Now, if you are a stand up guy, you will stay and pull your head out, and work with her, and work on yourself. I find it rather odd that the way you see it, staying with her is the easy way out! Do you just want everything to be easy for you? Is she not worth the work? Or do you really actually know that staying is wrong if you don't have enough respect for her, to trust her.

If smoking pot is a deal breaker for her, and you don't want to give it up, or you figure your jealousy is more important than trusting her, you don't really have a basis for a normal happy relationship anyway. I know this is harsh, and I'm sorry, but maybe it just might be a reality check. In my opinion, you are being very selfish.

Is this the thanks she gets for moving away with you? You should have thought about this before moving, and given her a choice.

liz28 · Sep 30, 2008, 09:56 AM

Have you been hurt in the past by any girls? If you want to be with her then be with her. Take her out on dates and have work with one another. She moved to another city just to be with you. It seems that she's trying to work things out but it takes too. Finding someone is hard and if you care about her, like you said, you wouldn't want to lose her. I think you been hurt in the past and afraid in the end she's going leave. Know everyone isn't the same and you already have her so pull yourself together.

Romefalls19 · Sep 30, 2008, 09:59 AM

Communicate with her about how you are feeling. I agree with Liz, you may have been hurt in the past by another girl but would you want to be judge by someone else's choices? I highly doubt it, so why judge her for someone else?

As for your friends, rarely do a good set of friends go after their pals girlfriends, it's an unwritten law.

talaniman · Sep 30, 2008, 12:16 PM

Your taking your fears, and insecurities, out on your g/f. Thats so despicable, and you need to stop it.

That goes for the weed also, as its making you TRIP, IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, and adds to your problems, not solves them.

jrebel7 · Sep 30, 2008, 10:58 PM

"Why am I acting like this?" was your original question. You answered it as you typed. You are doing Weed! Fogs your brain! Makes you too lethargic and not willing to work for the good things in life. You have someone who cares for you but you are looking for the easy way out. As other's mentioned, perhaps it is hurts from the past but you make your own future!
You say you don't appreciate her like you use to... is that your words or hers? If you don't appreciate her like she should be appreciated, make amends with her about it and then Chose well...for tomorrow, she may be gone! You are the only person who can make you believe in yourself and it is a step by step self-acceptance... Get your head clear, then write down all your good points. Dwell on those and build from there. Best to you!