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Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 10:07 AM

This has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. I am a 26yr old single mother. I had gotten married at an early age to my x husband who started to use drugs and alcohol which ended our relationship into divorce only a few months after my daughter was born. He then proceeded to date a women 60 years older than him. Which I didn't have any problem with. But his mother and family disagreed with the situation. I was struggling to support my daughter working full time and attending school so my x in laws had helped me threw the next 2 years of my daughters life. Finally my daughter has just turned 3... and she is so smart... after 3 years of being single I have finally found the man I am extremely happy to be with.. unfortunately it happens to be my x husbands brother... (my daughters uncle). Now my x mother in law is not happy at all and has threatened me with taking my daughter away because she says I'm an unfit mother and that she has raised my daughter since birth. My new boyfriend and I are planning in moving in together within the next couple of months. And she told me I wasn't allowed to take my daughter with me. I understand she was there to help me for the past few years and I paid back every cent that she let me borrow. But because I didn't wait around for her other son to come back to me and actually found happiness in her other son. She is making things so hard. My boyfriend wants nothing to do with his family now after all the threats they are making towards me and my daughter. She's even teaching my daughter to tell me she don't love me... This is hurting me more than anything. I've given up my whole entire life for my daughter... and I've busted my butt working full time to support her. Her father and I are still in good terms go figure but his mother has been attacking me with everything you can think of. I just don't know what to do anymore. I finally become happy in my life and want to share my life with my boyfriend and daughter and this women is destroying my life. What should I do? I am also seeking advice from a lawyer because of her threats to take the only most important thing in my life.. not to mention she heard me speaking to my x about school for my daughter and went behind our backs and registered her into a school that I didn't want her to go and expecting me to pay for it every month. She's not this child's mother and I've had it.. someone please help me with this controlling woman and tell me what I should do! :confused:

babs47 · Sep 29, 2008, 10:24 AM

Dear Beth, Your x mother inlaw cannot do anything to take your daughter. She has over stepped her bounds all the way. #1 How did the school allow her to register your daughter in the 1st place? This can be changed and should be NOW. #2 She is unfit, if she is teaching your daughter to say things to you she is in the wrong. I would ask my lawyer about not letting dear grandma see your daughter until SHE can behave her self. #3 You have the right to love and happiness, you do not have to answer to anybody other than your daughter. You tried with her other son, he chose the booze and drugs and let you and his daughter fall to the wayside. If you find love and true happiness with her other son GO FOR IT. You have paid your dues. Have a wonderful life together all 3 of you. If it means leaving the others behind so be it, They have really made that choice by their actions. Good Luck and be happy, Barb

stinawords · Sep 29, 2008, 10:28 AM

Who does the child live with you or her? Also what state are you in? Those two things make a huge difference.

ScottGem · Sep 29, 2008, 10:28 AM

It is very hard to prove someone an unfit mother. There really has to be significant proof of abuse or danger to the child. So the MIL's threats appear to be pretty empty.

Did you actually live with your in-laws for a time? Did the MIL babysit your daughter while you worked? Only that would bolster her claim of raising the child, but that wouldn't be enough to gain custody.

As far as registering her for the school. If she had a copy of the birth certificate, that would be enough. But its not binding on you. If the school goes after anyone for breach of contract it would be her.

You are smart to consult an attorney, but I don't think you have much to worry about.

Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

It is very hard to prove someone an unfit mother. There really has to be significant proof of abuse or danger to the child. So the MIL's threats appear to be pretty empty.

Did you actually live with your in-laws for a time? Did the MIL babysit your daughter while you worked? Only that would bolster her claim of raising the child, but that wouldn't be enough to gain custody.

You are smart to consult an attorney, but I don't think you have much to worry about.

I did happen to stay at my in-laws for a little while. And yes she has been taking care of my daughter while I was at work considering I worked 40 hours + a week to support my daughter..
I live in Massachusetts.

ScottGem · Sep 29, 2008, 10:33 AM

But you have established your own residence?

I really fail to see what this woman's problem is. Its not like you are taking the child away from her, though it may come to that.

But I really see no grounds for her to gain custody.

Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Who does the child live with you or her? Also what state are you in? Those two things make a huge difference.

My child lives with me in mass... and she resides at my home. But my in law like I have said put on the school that she resides with her. And they didn't do anything about it.

stinawords · Sep 29, 2008, 10:34 AM

Was she just babysitting while you were at work or did she have temp custody while you got back on your feet. If she was just babysitting then there really isn't anything she can do.

Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

But you have established your own residence?

I really fail to see what this woman's problem is. Its not like you are taking the child away from her, though it may come to that.

But I really see no grounds for her to gain custody.

Well she has a lot of mental issues even my x father in law has threatened to take her to seek help but he has never gone through with it. I could never take my daughter away from the family considering they have done so much for us. But yes we are in the process of moving in with my new boyfriend and I am finanically stable and finally back on my feet.

Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Was she just babysitting while you were at work or did she have temp custody while you got back on your feet. If she was just babysitting then there really isn't anything she can do.

She has never ever had any court custody. She was only babysitting while I worked and is still doing so at this time.

stinawords · Sep 29, 2008, 10:40 AM

Well then like we said she has no real legal claim to keep the child. She can always go to court to try but she doesn't appear to have a case. Of course there is always another side to the story but this one seems pretty clear.

Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Well then like we said she has no real legal claim to keep the child. She can always go to court to try but she doesn't appear to have a case. Of course there is always another side to the story but this one seems pretty clear.

Thank you again for your advice I really appreciate it...

ScottGem · Sep 29, 2008, 10:49 AM

The only thing that bothers me here is your "moving in" with the new boyfriend. In an older time, that might have been considered immoral and might have been grounds for finding you unfit. I really doubt that could be used nowadyas, but it would be better for you to marry.

For her to cause any problems she would have to go to court to petition for custody. I doubt if the FIL would spring for a lawyer.

Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

The only thing that bothers me here is your "moving in" with the new bf. In an older time, that might have been considered immoral and might have been grounds for finding you unfit. I really doubt that could be used nowadyas, but it would be better for you to marry.

For her to cause any problems she would have to go to court to petition for custody. I doubt if the FIL would spring for a lawyer.

I do understand where u are coming from. But wouldn't my x husband who is 23 who is living with a 60 year old woman and they arent' married would that make him unfit also? That's where I am confused. My x did go through a lot considering he is now a recovering drug and alcohol addict which I am def. proud to say. And him and I both get along wonderfully and do everything in our lives for our daughter. Its just his mother who has been known as a frequent lier to make up so many stories about both of us. What I just don't know how to explain to her which is something she should already know is that him and I are the parents and we are the ones who have all the decision making rights and how to not let her do what she is doing to our family. I truly believe that everything she is doing to my daughter mentally is far worse then myself moving in with my boyfriend. Maybe I am wrong like I said that's why I am asking for some advice on where to go with this.

ScottGem · Sep 29, 2008, 12:01 PM

You're right. Your ex does present a worse situation then you do. So if she put him up to go for custody, I doubt if that would fly either.

Beth0623 · Sep 29, 2008, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You're right. Your ex does present a worse situation then you do. So if she put him up to go for custody, I doubt if that would fly either.

OK I was just curious. Thanks again for your advice I greatly appreciate it.