[packer04]

I have been seeing this man for 4 months. I am 48, he 50 both divorced. I had met nothing but creeps until I met him-a truly nice guy. He would do anything for me as I him. He tells me I am everything he wants in a woman(he wrote a list and I am it) The same for me. But he only wants to be friends for now. He was dumped in April by a woman he truly loved and still does. They dated for 8 months, was going to marry, but suddenly she ended it with no reason.(from what he says she was not a nice person like he and he gave and gave) He seems to have trouble moving on and his heart is so broken. We go out to dinner,movies, day trips, I cook dinner, etc. I have met his friends and his parents. He calls me 2-3 times per day and comes over.But he said he can only give me friendship and that we both should be patient as he doesn't know what the future holds for us. I see the hurt and pain in him and I myself after 26 years of marriage went through the hurt and pain. But I thought by now he would maybe want more from me than just a buddy. He said he doesn't want to keep me from anyone else but he doesn't want to lose me. He has said he needs time and space and I have no problem with that as I have given him that. I want to wait but I don't want to make a mistake and this man than doesn't want me for anything more than a friend. Everyone says to move on and let him go, but he is so good to me and nice to me and a heck of a great guy. I have told him many times that I really like him and care for him and he says he knows that. I feel he should be over her and see how great we are together. I am being patient but it just seems like he should take a look and see how lucky he could be.

[Clough]

Hi, packer04!

Everyone who has been in a serious relationship gets over being in those relationships according to their individual time schedules that it takes them to get over them. He might be afraid and somewhat confused to get too close or attached to you at this point because of being burnt and hurt not really all that long ago.

If love is developing and you really feel comfortable with him, then I would suggest giving it more time. Four months is not really very long to truly get to know someone.

I'm about the same age as the two of you. If I were to get involved with someone again, I would want to be taking things really slow.

I have also been burnt and hurt many times in my life.

From what you have already posted, it would appear that the two of you have good communication and sharing of thoughts with each other. If I were you, I would just be patient and see what happens. If someone else also comes along you like and can do things together with as friends, I would also suggest doing that too.

Hopefully, others will also be along to address your post.

Thanks!

[ylaira]

He is still healing but he enjoys your company. This is difficult because you are getting deep here. As for his feelings that is uncertain tomorrow, best to protect yourself NOW. Things will be more complicated for you if you keep on hanging out like this dating-friends. He needs to find space on his own and not just use you to forget this misfortune.

Yes, you may wait but don't expect that he's over her even after a year. It's easier to wait for someone who doesn't like you at first than wait to forget and divert its feelings to you.

Best to keep distance and be like a not so close friends, for now. Good Luck.

[talaniman]

Should I be patient with him and wait?

Two things really jump out, he was recently dumped, and you have been going out for 4 months.

4 months, is no time, and best to keep things going slow, and if this is as great as you think it is, then there is no hurry to get any deeper than what you are.

You seem to be in a hurry, he is not. Slow your train down, and let things just take its course, as you are in the have a good time getting to know each other phase, and should resist trying to push for any more than that. You really should be paying attention, and making sure what YOU see is real.

This is a good time to be friends, but not wrap your whole life around each other.

I strongly suggest you take a cue from him, and keep your life balanced with other things you enjoy, and just see where it leads.

What's the hurry any way??