[avenger9000]

Title: You are my motivation


There are the people that give you motivation

The sources of never ending inspiration

When you're suffering in the realm of desperation

They are there for you, giving you admiration

You, are special to me and not an exaggeration


(This is dedicated to a certain girl that gave me back my motivatio for guitar practicing and all my friends, just wanting to say how amazing they all are!)

[Clough]

Hi, avenger9000!

This beginning formation for your song is actually quite good! One suggestion that I would have is the you change the word "that" in the first line to "who", because people aren't objects.

Are you going to expand on this song and maybe try to put it into some sort of metered form? If so, it could be changed considerably in order to accommodate a metrical structure so that it would work best as a song. Right now, it's a poem that could easily be made into a song.

I am a professional performer, writer and arranger in the musical entertainment industry.

Thanks!

[avenger9000]

Um I don't quite understand what you meant...
Lol

Well gave it more thought and came up with this

Verse 1
When I wanted to throw it away
For it just ain't going my way
You were there and had something to say
You told me to try until the day
...

Chorus

You (they) are the one(s) who give(s) me motivation
The source(s) of never ending admiration
When I'm suffering in the realm of desperation
You are there for me and give(s) me inspiration

You, are special to me, tis not an exaggeration

Like OK some questions I have:

1. What do you mean by metric form? If its got to do with my rhyming, please tell me how to correct it and avoid that next time!
I seem to have this whole rhyming thing stuck in my head for some unknown reason.
2. I have got suggestions from people to change inspiration and admiration around, and put them where the other one was, like putting inspiration where admiration used to be and inspiration where admiration used to be.. apparently, people can't give admiration only inspiration.
3. Would the bit whre I have got all the tions be better as the chorus or verse?
4. Since I'm dedicating to one special girl and maybe some of my friends. Wouldn't the chorus be better if I put you instead of they?
Also where the... is is where I have no idea how to continue!!

Please help!

[Clough]

Hi, avenger9000!

1. What do you mean by metric form? If its got to do with my rhyming, please tell me how to correct it and avoid that next time!

If your poem is in some kind of metric form, then it will fit some kind of definite beat and/or rhythm.

I seem to have this whole rhyming thing stuck in my head for some unknown reason.

That's okay. To be able to rhyme well is perfectly fine!

2. I have got suggestions from people to change inspiration and admiration around, and put them where the other one was, like putting inspiration where admiration used to be and inspiration where admiration used to be.. apparently, people can't give admiration only inspiration.

This is true. Please note how I have changed things a bit.

3. Would the bit whre I have got all the tions be better as the chorus or verse?

They work well in the chorus.

4. Since I'm dedicating to one special girl and maybe some of my friends. Wouldn't the chorus be better if I put you instead of they?

Yes, it would work better to make it more personal by making it "you" instead of "they".

[Clough]

Here is a re-write of what you have already posted in order to make things more metrical and also more likely to fit with a melody line of some kind. The underscores are where you would put short pauses in the rhythms.

Verse 1:

I wanted to throw it away, it wasn't goin' my way
But, you were there, and had something to say.
You_ were my in_spi_ra_tion!

Chorus:

People are around___ who give you motivation,
The source of never___ ending inspiration.

When you suffer in the realm___ of desperation,
They are there for you___ to give you admiration.

You are special to me___ that's not exaggeration.

You are special,____

Special to__ me.

[Clough]

Now, nothings perfect in what's being done here so far - much development and refining needs to be done.

I would appreciate knowing the kind of music that you can read on the guitar, i.e. tabs or printed notes. Also, if you know how to play the piano and read piano music, or if you know someone who can play the piano and also read music.

Depending on how you or someone else knows how to play and how things work out, you just might have something musical develop on this thread that you could actually play for your friends! ;)

If you could read my profile, you would have more of an idea of my background. But, since what is posted in profiles have yet to appear because of the program change here, it's not possible. Hopefully, people will be able to read profiles again, soon!

God's Love and Peace to you! :)

[avenger9000]

Yep I can read guitar tabs and chords. And I have friends that play piano and guitar. And I know about barre chords so I can work it out... and yes I have friends that HAVE been playing piano since like 8 or something.. Yeah um Im actually no good with putting music on but once I know the tab or stuff I can try and play it.. and sing it..

And here comes a 2nd verse, enjoy and please do help out! You have been amazing clough! Thanks!

Verse 1

When I wanted to throw it all away
Because it just ain't going my way
You were there and had something good to say
That I should keep trying till the day
When all my hard work would pay


Chorus:

You are my motivation
The source of never ending inspiration
When I'm suffering in the realms of desperation
You are there for me and gives me admiration
You are special to me, never an exaggeration



Verse 2

When fate plays its tricks on me
Things just ain't what I want it to be
You were there, cleared the way so I could see
You gave me back the courage to believe
That there's never a time to give up and leave

[avenger9000]

But if you just put notes on the tab its probably easier for me to play, still sort in the process of trying to get callices on those fingers so yeah can't really play chords

[Clough]

Hi, avenger90001

I'm not able to spend as much time here as I would like right now, because I am involved with playing for a show that will end after this Sunday. One of the reviews for it can be found by clicking on the following link.

River Cities' Reader - Alone/Together: "Closer Than Ever," at the Village Theatre through September 28

It's the first review that I have seen. River Cities' Reader reviewer, Mike Schulz was at our first "real" performance where I had blown it in the first number. The Director of the production had considered making that performance another dress rehearsal. Things for all of us, just weren't really polished up very much at that point. He also mentioned some of the actors and actresses forgetting some things.

I do promise you that I will get back to your thread and concentrate more on it once some of the pressure is off me concerning performances. I also have to direct our local male barbershop chorus at a performance at a benefit on Saturday for someone who is dying of cancer before I need to play for the musical review that same evening.

I know that you understand.

Thanks!