[shaybaby]

I have been married for 3 years and I am 19 now we have a son that us 1 yearold. But nohing seems to go right I didn't know if I wanted him so I talked to another man and stuff. He found out we talked about it and everything was fine and it made me see how much I really do love him and don't want to hurt him anymore. There are things that get to me though I work all the time my son goes to a babysitter and yet he does not work I pay for everything yet I can't have what I want and can't go to the places I want or have anyfriends at all. I love him so much though I just want him to give me a little more and I know the hole talking to another man did not help me at all. I just want him to give me a little more. I need to make up for hurt him and I just don't know how are we will be married for 3 year on sep 29 and I don't know what to do:confused:

[TroveMistress]

Girlfriend, You are in a classic, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. If he does not work, what use is he? You can get sex and attention anywhere. If he does not start pulling his weight, get rid of him. My sister went through with this for many years and she is now raising her 3 kids by herslef while her now-divorced ex frequents jail. He does not pay child support and is worthless piece of crap.

Your slug is employing a technique that draws you in. He blames everything on you and rejects you. Thinigs blow up!. Then, he makes up with you and draws you back in. This makes you feel guilty as if it is your faulty. It isn't. This is the cycle of an abusive relationship. BREAK THE CYCLE while you are young enough to move on with as little collateral damage as possible. As Warren Buffet would say: "KNOW WHEN TO QUIT!"

Quit investing yourself in this relationship. It is a bad investment. As with most persons, you hate to lose all of the time that you have invested in your SLUG. Face and accept it, you made a bad investment and a bad choice. Quit investing yourself and make a good choice for yourself and your baby... MOVE ON!!

[Worried Auntie]

Okay this is crazy familiar to me. My sister has the same issues. She's a little older but still the same. She works constantly, the kids go to a sitter and he does jack$h!t.
They get in to it all the time because he doesn't want her doing anything unless he gets to do something. It's crazy. I have talked to her about it several times, finally I told her what I thought about it.

"If you are the one that works and pays the bills he has NO right at all to tell you what you can and can not do. Or make you feel bad about it for that matter."

Why does he not keep his child? This would be a different situation if he was the stay at home dad. People do do that. I don't disagree with it, only if they don't hold to their part of the bargain.

If you only talked to someone else then it shouldn't be a huge issue. You are still young and have a lot of life before you.

The main thing is that he will not change unless he gets some type of counseling etc. If you really love him then you should suggest this. However if he flat out refuses to go then I would start making plans to leave or have him leave, as you are already making it on your own anyway.

The reason I say he will not change is that I have sat through noumorous calls from my sister where he's gotten a job then "quit" or got fired from them just weeks later and he only does it to appease her long enough that she doesn't throw him out. This has been going on for 6-7 years now.

If you can't get him to get counseling to work this out then you really should think about other alternatives.

Hope everything works out for the best.

[helplesswife]

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this at your age. Your first priority is your child! You need to evaluate your relationship and how it is going to affect your child. This is how one learns how to treat their man or their woman, by watching their mom & dad...
There are a couple of great books I personally recoment for every couple... The 5 Love languages, this book goes through and help us desifer what really speaks to us. Also the book Love & Respect. Guys are not built like us girls. To a guy they much rather be respected than to be loved. Us women rather be loved than respected. As a couple you have to be willing to work together to understand what he finds as respectful & disrespectful and you need to be able to let him know what you find as loving and unloving... For an example, do you find it loving that he sits on the couch all day while you work you hinny off, your child is in daycare, you are paying for everything, and you can not have a fraction of the life that you dream of? I would guess that you will find that unloving. Just like a man will find it very disrespectful if we call them names (eg: lazy good for nothing, et... )
A marriage is a had thing, but it can be so rewarding. You also have to figure out if this is the crazy cycle of a life you want to stay in & raise your child in... It is hard to have a split home, but you may find that you need to only focus on you and your child and let time heal your wounds, eventually you would find yourself madly in love with a prince and you will be treated like a princess.
You deserve to be treated like a princess!!

[talaniman]

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