[menoshoes]

Well- I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and everything has been going. But I realized that he has a checking account and does not even know the following A. how to write a check. B. how direct deposit can save you from going to the bank to cash your check. C. How to balance his money. He lets his mom do everything for him when it comes to his money. He thinks of her as his personal accountant. As a side note he is 33 years old and I am 22. He still lives at home with his parents. I still live at home but I have a full time job and I go to school full time and can manage to balance my bills and check book. Also he does not even know how to do laundry or clean his room. What do you think- do you think that I should let this blow over about the whole knowing how when it comes to the checking thing. I don't know what to think.

[danielnoahsmommy]

No offense for the following; a 33 year old who live at home with mother,unable to care for basic finances and dates a 22 year old.(no offense meant) he has problems. He can't relate to his women his age or take care of himself. You know what I mean or you would not have written

[jjwoodhull]

Of course - you know much more about him than we do... But I would be cautious of a man who is 33, lives at home and has his mother take care of him. First, if you become more serious with him (live together or get married) is he going to expect you to "take care of him".
Also, how lazy is he that he has not bothered to learn how to do simple things in day to day life. Most people are balancing their own checkbooks by the time they are 15. I don't think it's a matter of being "slow".

[Homegirl 50]

I would venture to say that he is probably quite content with his life as it is. So the question is, do you want to be with someone like this and why have you been with him for a year?
If he is slow, you should know that after a year.
I think it's strange he does not know how to do those things, but maybe he does not have to because he has mom to do them, and maybe he does not want to. You may want to be with someone who maybe more suitable for you.

[JBeaucaire]

You call him your boyfriend. So, what does that mean? The guy you are considering to take care of you the rest of your life? Or just a guy to hang out with?

Why are you even dating? Is there a goal here or is it just for fun?

Its good that you are paying attention to who he is, because... well, that's who he is. He's not going to change, so it's important that you're paying attention.

... do you think that I should let this blow over about the whole knowing how when it comes to the checking thing(?)

Do you have a choice? You're not considering giving him grief over that, are you? He is who he is.

You're dating to find out who a guy is, not to make a list of things he needs to change... that's just pointless.

He is who he is. If you like who he is, keep dating. If not, leave him alone. Don't give him grief just because you wish he was someone/someway else... or smarter. He has the right to be who he is.

Right?

[helpnow]

Why does he live at home with his mom?

[menoshoes]

He lives at home because at one point he was married and his wife cheated on him with in a year. He had to sell his motorcycle and cars that he had for the divorce and ended up going back home. He had a lot of anger issues and had to get through them- he has really changed I can't tell that he had anger issues. He sells Harley's and loves his job but does not make enough to live on his own. Between the old cars he has and all of the hunting trips he does that is where the most of his money goes. I really like being with him. He still makes me smile when we talk on the phone and I like hanging out with him. I don't know if I should now ask his mom to hand over the check book and let him figure out his finances. What do you think?

[411Help]

Take away the training wheels and let him learn to ride on his own.

[411Help]

You sound like an excellent girlfriend.

[JBeaucaire]

I still say "trod gently" here.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't think you have the right to ask his mom anything regarding his finances. He appears to be happy with the way things are. He seems to be handling things after a divorce and maybe there are variables you are not aware of.
He still has his bikes and is doing things he enjoys, so he is doing better than you think he is.
You want him to be doing things differently and that is your problem, not his. It is not up to him to change his ways to suit you, but for you to decide if this is where you want to be and can deal with him.
I don't think he is slow, I think he trust his mom to help him and he can still play with his toys.
You say you enjoy being with him, you start dipping in his business, he may give you the boot.

[pinkcelly123]

Umm.. its up to you.. I'm surprised the 33 living with parents thing didn't scare you away

[Homegirl 50]

Sounds to me like this guy s doing what a lot of people are doing these days. They are living with parents because they either can't live on their own or they want to save money
This guy finances were messed up in a divorce and his mom has taken over helping him muddle through the mess. Now it could be he has discovered that he can and will ride this horse for as long as he can. I think he knows what he's doing, girl friend just does not like what he's doing.

[menoshoes]

I posted a question a while ago about teaching my bf how to balance a check book. He is 33 and I am 21. He lives at home- his mom takes care of all of his finances. I spoke to him about learning how to balance his check book and finances. He became really mad and said that it is one less stress that he has to worry about. He does not want to learn. I really want him to learn about handeling his $. He reads all kinds of money books and how to stuff- what should I do? Should I push/ encourage on the subject or pick a better argument later on down the line. I dont want to become the nagging girlfriend that so many guys hate !

[JBeaucaire]

I dont want to become the nagging girlfriend that so many guys hate !

Well, this particular topic will certainly take you down this path. It's your call. We can advise both ways equally.

It's both right and wrong to insert yourself into his financial decisions. It's both right and wrong to give advice to people who haven't asked for it.

We will only be able to guess at what will happen, and it is just as likely to destroy your relationship as it is to ultimately help it... only your relationship and true characters will determine that outcome.

Meanwhile, this is exactly the kind of issue you should be paying attention to. By that I mean that whether he changes or not, it appears to be important to you. Perhaps EXTREMELY important.

So, when you find yourself dating people who don't share your values, what do you do?

[Clough]

Hi, menoshoes!

I like the answer above! But, I do have a question for you here. Is there any reason, like mental or physical, other than the fact that his mother takes care of all his finances for him, that he can't do it for himself? His mother's not going to be around forever...

Thanks!

[spyderglass]

I agree with Clough, and why is he still living with his mother at 33. I mean if she needs help that is all well and good... but... 33?

[Clough]

I agree with Clough, and why is he still living with his mother at 33. I mean if she needs help that is all well and good....but...33?!

Yeah, I agree! More information is needed here...

[menoshoes]

He has a full time job selling harley bikes and works on his parents plant farm- that has really good profits. He says that he cannot afford to live on his own. Yet he goes on many hunting trips his last major one was to 2700mi north and got two carabou. He was once married and she cheated on him with a long time love.
And no there is no physical or mental reason that he will not care for his finances. I guess that he figures that if he ever gets married he will have the wife take care of the money and check writing.
I spoke to him over the phone about how I feel about him not wanting to learn- he did not say much. I guess that I should be happy that he at least has income and a car with insurance ?

[menoshoes]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and 1/2. I experienced so many new things and actually liked them. I fell in love with his family even more when I started to date him. But I got a call the other day and he said we had nothing in common and that he still wanted to be friends. How can you be friends with someone if you have nothing in common? Anyway he lives nearly 50 miles from me and I have a lot of stuff at his place should I go and get my stuff ( expensive shoes, boots etc) and ask him what does a break mean to him.

I feel we have more than enough in common to be a couple. But I think the real problem is I do not feel like I can talk to him openly with out him ignoring me or act like he is listening. He said he wanted a break- what does that mean? I do not want to change who he is as a person but I feel that at least we should be able to talk and get through things . I have real feelings for this guy and I don't want to loose my friendship with his family? Should I stay connected with his family what if he gets a new girlfriend- I just don't know I have a lot of questions I guess. Any part of a answer would be appreciated.