[jrsg]

First off, a little about myself
I am 16, in grade 11 of high school.
I have had a few girlfriends throughout high school.

I recently came out of a fairly short (1 month) relationship. That was my first relationship in nearly a year! Anyway, now that I am over her, I want to get another girlfriend.

I have always prided myself on being a "good guy." I am the furthest thing from a "player" and proud of it. But, now I want to meet girls. I know I can just walk up to a girl on the street, and I am confident I can get a positive reaction out of her.


The problem I have is that I see just picking a girl off the street as a "player" thing to do. The girlfriends I have had in the past have just happened. At first glance, I never thought I would ever date them, but as I got to know them, I began to like them. I fell for them because of their personality, NOT because of their looks. If I try to just meet a girl off the street, the first thing I am going to see is their physical appearance, and I know I am going to judge them on that first.


Basically, I would like to know if "picking up girls" (for lack of a better term, I HATE THAT TERM, by the way) is morally wrong. Is it?

I would also like a female point of view. How do you feel when a guy tries tp "pick you up" (theres that term again...)? Does it make you feel cheap? or valued?

And... How do I meet girls while maintaining that "good guy" personality?


Thanks

[Clough]

First off, I admire your not wanting a girlfriend just because of the way that a girl might look! That's pretty cool!

I don't know if you are in any groups or clubs at school. If you aren't in any, then I would suggest joining some. Being involved with groups that include both genders is a great way to meet, mingle and feel better about asking someone out because you already have a commonality by your being in the same group or clubs.

I am a man, by the way...

[JBeaucaire]

It is not morally wrong to base a decision to be interested in a girl on anything in particular. The only thing that is morally wrong is to know something goes against your principles/scruples/world-view/understanding of right and wrong... and to do it anyway.

Does that make sense?

So, if YOU think just asking girls out that are attractive to you feels wrong, then don't do it. What you've described as the method you've used so far for getting to know someone and develop a deeper connection to them... that's WAY more mature and rewarding a method.

You already know that, but are possibly confused about how it's led to ended relationships? Is that the case?

If so, relax. It's perfectly normal that relationships start, then end. They're ALL supposed to do that, teaching you more and more about yourself and dealing with girls as you go. It's a positive process if you let it be. Each relationship coming to an end is a successful chapter in your education... if you let it be.

The girl you are slowly winding your way towards is going through the same process, and getting ready for you. When you two finally meet years from now, for some reason you may not even be able to fully explain, THAT relationship not only doesn't end, but grows into something you've never experienced before.

Until then, it's OK to date for whatever reason fits your own successfully developed morality base. Stick to it, don't apologize and don't fret the process. It is what it is.

[jrsg]

Thanks guys, you helped a lot.
The method of getting to know them BEFORE I ask them out has worked well, but it just takes too long. I'm sorry, but I don't have the patience to wait another 3/4 of a year for my next relationship. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, but it's true.

Thanks again,

And I am still looking for a female point of view(no offence, guys), anyone out there!

[Clough]

Thanks!

You know, if you really work to excel at something, you just might catch the eye and attraction of a girl in whom you will also be attracted.

Are there any things at which you are particularly good at in terms of like sports, music or something else?

[menoshoes]

First off, a little about myself
I am 16, in grade 11 of highschool.
I have had a few girlfriends throughout highschool.

I recently came out of a fairly short (1 month) relationship. That was my first relationship in nearly a year! Anyways, now that I am over her, I want to get another girlfriend.

I have always prided myself on being a "good guy." I am the furthest thing from a "player" and proud of it. But, now I want to meet girls. I know I can just walk up to a girl on the street, and I am confident I can get a positive reaction out of her.


The problem I have is that I see just picking a girl off the street as a "player" thing to do. The girlfriends I have had in the past have just happened. At first glance, I never thought I would ever date them, but as I got to know them, I began to like them. I fell for them because of their personality, NOT because of their looks. If I try to just meet a girl off the street, the first thing I am going to see is their physical appearence, and I know I am going to judge them on that first.


Basically, I would like to know if "picking up girls" (for lack of a better term, I HATE THAT TERM, by the way) is morally wrong. Is it?

I would also like a female point of view. How do you feel when a guy tries tp "pick you up" (theres that term again...)? Does it make you feel cheap? or valued?

And... How do I meet girls while maintaining that "good guy" personality?


Thanks

If the girls are at your school why do you get to know them first instead of trying to pick them up. Girls notice when you actually want to know something about them and not just OK it has been a month and lets go already. After high school things change and people change. Don't try so hard somethimes the right one is there you just have to notice her.

[jrsg]

Thanks!

You know, if you really work to excel at something, you just might catch the eye and attraction of a girl in whom you will also be attracted.

Are there any things at which you are particularly good at in terms of like sports, music or something else?

Yeah, I have joined DECA, a business club for students around the world. I would like to meet a couple girls in that club, but it is 90% male, lol. It really isn't the greatest place to meet girls.

Like I said, I am only a week and a half into school, so no real bonds have been made with anyone yet. I can think of a few girls who I might like, so maybe I will try to get to know some of them first, before I resort to "picking up" girls off the street or something like that. It is just a little hard when in class to create conversation, but there is always after class.

Thanks for the help, Clough.

______________________________________

Menoshoes, that is a great idea. There are hundreds of girls at school my age, and with common interests right there in front of me.

I am just confused with these sentences?

Girls notice when you actually want to know something about them and not just ok it has been a month and lets go already. After high school things change and people change.

What do you mean in the first sentence? And what things change after high school?
Thanks for the input!
____________________________________

I also noticed my ex has a boyfriend, aleady. I knew it would happen (I was her 4th boyfriend of this year, they don't last long) but it still makes me mad. I can't explain it, and I don't have any feelings for her anymore. AND his locker is just 10 units down from mine, so I have to see her laughing at his awful, awful jokes. I laugh at my reaction to it, because it is kind of funny. But yeah... I just thought that I would rant a bit, get it out. Thanks for listening. :)
_____________________________________

And, I am still looking for that ever-so-evasive female opinion! :):):)

[jrsg]

Hey everybody,
If you are still interested, I have come to a conclusion...

I'm NOT going to attempt to try to "pick up" girls.

I have decided to wait to get to know somebody, and have a relationship based more on a emotional bond then a physical one.

I also have become quite fond of a girl in one of my classes I have been talking to a bit lately... Maybe the seeds of a great, new relationship are being planted! Makes me happy. :)

Thanks for the help and advice, everyone!

[katii]

First off, a little about myself
I am 16, in grade 11 of highschool.
I have had a few girlfriends throughout highschool.

I recently came out of a fairly short (1 month) relationship. That was my first relationship in nearly a year! Anyways, now that I am over her, I want to get another girlfriend.

I have always prided myself on being a "good guy." I am the furthest thing from a "player" and proud of it. But, now I want to meet girls. I know I can just walk up to a girl on the street, and I am confident I can get a positive reaction out of her.


The problem I have is that I see just picking a girl off the street as a "player" thing to do. The girlfriends I have had in the past have just happened. At first glance, I never thought I would ever date them, but as I got to know them, I began to like them. I fell for them because of their personality, NOT because of their looks. If I try to just meet a girl off the street, the first thing I am going to see is their physical appearence, and I know I am going to judge them on that first.


Basically, I would like to know if "picking up girls" (for lack of a better term, I HATE THAT TERM, by the way) is morally wrong. Is it?

I would also like a female point of view. How do you feel when a guy tries tp "pick you up" (theres that term again...)? Does it make you feel cheap? or valued?

And... How do I meet girls while maintaining that "good guy" personality?


Thanks

When you pick girls up off the street, you are taking a risk. That girl may already have a boyfriend. The best thing for you to do is get to know the girl a little bit and then ask her. Be careful.

[SweetDee]

Well, I think if you're "picking up girls" for the sake of having sex w/ them and then disregarding them... I do think it's not as moral a standard as you claim to fame.

I also think that you have a lot of confidence being able to talk to people you meet on the street, just like that.

I think if you really want a girlfriend, it's not as easy to make one on the street as it would be at school, parties or extra curricular activities...

Confidence sometimes comes across like you're a player. Give her your cell no. and then take the time to text and msn and get to know one another. She'll quickly discover that you are not a playaaaaaaaaa..

Sometimes when you meet girls on the street/malls/ect... and they're in a group and some are really hot, and some are a little more plain... Well, sometimes the plain Jane kind of girl once you get to see her personality, she can become the hottie. So, don't get so impressed w/ the girls that stand out the most... all the time. Personality often brings up a girls looks...

[onlymyself]

WOW.. you seem pretty cool =)
so... about the pick up thing I would not date any guy that does that because when I think about it I would say he didn't want me he just do it with every girl he sees in the streets. A good way to meet girls? Mmm... have you got any hi5 or myspace?

[jrsg]

Well, I think if you're "picking up girls" for the sake of having sex w/ them and then disregarding them...I do think it's not as moral a standard as you claim to fame.

I already stated my intentions, and sex wasn't one of them.

Personality often brings up a girls looks...

I know exactly what you mean, and that is very true...
My past girlfriends all had to grow on me before I even thought about dating them. I always make friends before they become girlfriends, which makes for a much closer, and better relationship.

I am not proud of it, but I do notice the good looking girls first. I think its human nature... And I KNOW I am not the only one doing it. I assume by your username that you are a girl. Don't you notice the good looking guys most? Especially if you are just walking down the street? Doesn't everybody notice the good looking people the most?

Besides, I have already come to a conclusion.
I'm not going to try to pick up girls. I decided that it would go against my own morals.

Thanks for the opinion and advice though!

[jrsg]

WOW..you seem pretty cool =)
so...about the pick up thing I would not date any guy that does that because when I think about it I would say he didn't want me he just do it with every girl he sees in the streets. A good way to meet girls?? mmm...have you got any hi5 or myspace?

Yeah... The girl wouldn't feel appreciated, or special. That was a big part of why I decided not to "pick up" girls. Thanks for the opinion and advice!

By the way, I do have Facebook, but I am not really interested in meeting girls over the internet. If you were going to suggest something else, please do!

Thanks again

[onlymyself]

Yeah it 's better not to meet a girl over the internet.
I thought maybe... if you have got that girl you really like or you see a girl in the streets and you know her name etc you can search for her using facbook... then ask her for her msn and get to know her better.
I think it's a good way to start a relathionship.

[onlymyself]

I'm glad I was a bit of help =D
If you want I'll appreciate if you tell us what happens if you contact the girl.
Take care =D