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onlymyself · Sep 14, 2008, 02:38 PM

So... I went out with this guy once and we were getting along quite well.
He used to ask me when we were going to meet again because he loved being with me... he used to tell me that he is going to stay inside because he hasn't got anybody to hang out with[so that I would tell him to hang out together].
I liked him a lot and he seemed the same.
One day we were going quite really well but the next day he didn't talk to me like usual.
The day after I decided to ask him what had happened because he was acting quite different. So I asked him and he said that nothing happened. I believed it but the next day he didn't talk to me again.
I decided to ask him what happened again and I told him that he was acting different towards me and he just took it funny and said, "Do you miss me that much?"
I asked him to meet [I thought it would arrange a bit of things] and he said he would send me a message to tell me if he could.
I received NO message.
The day after we were supposed to meet he told me that he couldn't meet me.[I saw him hanging with his friends so it was just an excuse].
He changed just from day to day.
I mean I WANT a clear explanation why.
What should I do?

Fr_Chuck · Sep 14, 2008, 02:59 PM

First may I assume you are a teen or even a pre teen. This does sound very much like Juv dating behavior. But in the end, no you most likely will never know and just have to move on to the next possible boyfriend. Only he knows ( if he even really does) and no one is a mind reader.

Sorry not the answer you want but sometimes our emotions and desires just don't all work out together.

h0llister · Sep 14, 2008, 04:00 PM

Have u asked him why?

talaniman · Sep 14, 2008, 04:27 PM

Give him some space, and don't be so insecure, as he may have things going on that have nothing to do with you, so let him bring that to you, while you focus on other things for now. No pressing for explanations, as he is obviously not ready for all you want.

onlymyself · Sep 15, 2008, 02:55 AM

I'm 14 [and NO I'm not too young to feel]
I asked him if I did annoyed him because I talked to him and he said that I really don't annoy him.
Yes he has been going through a bad time because he lost a person he really loved.
But that has nothing to do with me and I think that he still must talk to me.[at least as a friend] but he is just saying nothing not even hello!

turbogtir · Sep 15, 2008, 04:17 AM

He may have a mental illness? Some people suffer from ADD, or depression or anxiety etc having random thoughts.. not being able to act stable (not in a crazy way some people just find it difficult to be themselves) etc or maybe he just wants some space, or he wants you to chase him? There is really 100 different reasons and the only way to get answers is to find out and ask questions. Speak to him, confront him but not in a accusing way, just act normal and be yourself. PEACE!

JBeaucaire · Sep 15, 2008, 05:20 AM

The objection you may get from people regarding your age isn't because they doubt you feel. Everyone feels.

The objection you may get is based on the fact that at 14, EVERYTHING feels 1000 times bigger than it really is because... well, because it does. We all went through that. Emotions especially feel gigantic, desperate, uncontrollably deep... when in truth they are just normal feelings that a 14-year-old has no experience dealing with... making them feel even bigger as a result.

That's all. When you're 24, you're not only ACTUALLY more mature so your emotional skill will be SO much better than it is today, but you will also probably have had 3-10 relationships to help you understand yourself better.

Does all that make sense? That's all the age concern is about, OK?

Having said that... the bad news: You want to clearly understand this guy? Wow, that may not be possible. First... you're both young, so the "cause and effect" thing you want to understand may not exist at all. He may be responding to life as uncontrolled and confused (inside) as any other 14-year-old, so there may not be a lot of reason to his action.

When you're older, the guys (in general) WILL be easier to understand, but not all of them. Some guys never get better.

That's why you have to learn one basic truth with boys/men - what they say means nothing compared to their actions. Judge what they DO, trust what they DO, believe how they ACT. The words they utter may be 180 degrees opposite their actions, so ignore them.

That should work with your guy now, too. Go with what he does, believe what THAT tells you.

talaniman · Sep 15, 2008, 05:52 AM

Yes he has been going through a bad time because he lost a person he really loved.

I'm sure you can understand that!

But that has nothing to do with me and I think that he still must talk to me.[at least as a friend]

Kind of selfish, you think? You making demands while he is more than distracted with his own stuff he is working through.

but he is just saying nothing not even hello!

That's a strong hint he needs you to stop pushing and give him space to deal with his own feelings of loss. If you cared you would just back off. I think you care more for yourself, and your own needs, than his.

I'm 14 [and NO I'm not too young to feel]

What you feel is your own needs to be met, so how about feeling for someone else's needs for a minute, and back off.

He may not be annoyed now, but this kind of selfish behavior, will turn him off sooner, or later.

onlymyself · Sep 15, 2008, 07:16 AM

I'm not being selfish!
He is the one that is selfish.
When I didn't talk to him he used to tell me you aren't talking to me[to get the conversation started I think]
Ok he wants me to go away. I ACCEPT that.
I just want to know why because it really hurts not knowing what I did wrong.
I confronted him but it's clear he doesn't want to tell me what happened between us because he says nothing happened and stuff like that.

JBeaucaire · Sep 15, 2008, 07:51 AM

Here, let me quote myself:

He may be responding to life as uncontrolled and confused (inside) as any other 14-year-old, so there may not be a lot of reason to his action.

You can keep asking why. We don't know the answer because there IS NO ANSWER to fully understand. And if you receive one anyway, it'll just make you more frustrated because it's STILL not your fault.

Sometimes, the rain just falls.

onlymyself · Sep 15, 2008, 09:14 AM

Should I talk to him like once in a week?
His birthday is soon, should I ingnore it or tell him happy birthday?

onlymyself · Sep 16, 2008, 02:09 PM

Should I still be friends with him?
I mean I would accept it to just be friends... just be there when he needs me and viceversa.
He used to tell me I could get any guy I wanted.. so it may be he's jealous.
What should I do to show him I WANT HIM?

JBeaucaire · Sep 16, 2008, 02:38 PM

You seem to speak English fairly well. Try telling him you'd like to consider bf/gf with him. That should start the discussion off.

onlymyself · Sep 18, 2008, 04:53 AM

yes I speak english as much as I speak my own language =]
I think telling him that I want to be his girlfriend would only put him away.
I mean he is making it very clear that he is avoiding talking to me...
I just want to know why he doesn't want to talk to me all of a sudden when he used to text me all the time about one week ago.
How should I bring the conversation?

talaniman · Sep 18, 2008, 06:18 AM

I just want to know why he doesn't want to talk to me all of a sudden when he used to text me all the time about one week ago.

Unless you accept this change of his, you will make a pest of yourself, and drive him further away. Take his actions as being a strong hint he is no longer interested, for whatever reason.

Whether you get closure or not, you still must move on. Sometimes we don't get the answers we want, when we want them, so let the emotional dust settle, and regroup for yourself.

onlymyself · Sep 18, 2008, 08:55 AM

It isn't easy when you say move on.
I can't understand him... today he talked to me.. not like before but at least he did talk to me. I'm still in his top friends. He told me he is going through a hard time right now.
I think he needs a few days for his own... but I'm confused because if I talk to him he might be pissed off and if I don't he might say when I need her most she isn't talking to me.
Confused :s

liz28 · Sep 18, 2008, 08:55 AM

If this guy is avoiding you, it means he don't to be bother. Sometimes people change out the blue. You need to just let go and understand that. He might not want to be your friend and if so you can't make him. In the meantime enjoy your teen years and don't get hung over someone and even though you want a explanation you might neve get one but his actions are telling you everything you need to know.