[ahtheagony]

I am engaged to be married to a man I've known for 4 years and lived with for 1 year. Our wedding is in 2 months and I love and care about him very much. We have no serious problems in our relationship and in the time that I have known him I have felt the most stable and happy.

The problem is, I still hold a flame for my ex (and he for me). We dated for 2 years and it was a rollercoaster relationship. Although my head tells me we would never be happy together, my heart still aches for him and I still miss him dearly. I have tried to get completely over him but so far nothing has worked, including finding a happy and healthy relationship with someone else! I have resigned myself to loving my ex from afar and trying to forget about those feelings and concentrating on the good relationship I have with my fiancé.

However, as the wedding gets closer, I find myself feeling more and more confused. I wonder if I am making a mistake. The passionate feelings I had for my ex are not there with my fiancé. I know I will live a happier and more stable life with my fiancé but am having a hard time closing the door completely on a passionate, all-consuming love.

I don't know who to talk to about this and feel ashamed. Is my upcoming wedding a mistake?

[lmangileri]

Uh-oh. This is not a good situation. My opinion is that you should not get married. If you have feelings for someone else, don't do that to your fiancé. Whether you would end up getting back with your ex is a whole different story but getting married to someone while having feelings for someone else is not a good idea.

I was with a guy for almost 4 years- we were engaged for about 3 of those 4 years. I realized toward the end that I was developing feelings for someone else and I knew I shouldn't be getting married so I broke off our engagement. I didn't end up with the guy that I had feelings for but the whole point is that if you start having feelings for someone else, then you're clearly not happy with the person you're with.

[NowWhat]

I would say yes, you would be making a mistake by getting married right now. Those feelings you are having will not go away just because you are married.
You and your fiancé deserve to be with someone that is 100% into the relationship.
If you are not - then don't get married.

[tarah71]

I don't know what to tell you as far as getting married. However, I do believe that your feelings are partly a choice, people choose to be obsessed about things. And possibly a maturity thing also. The only advice I can give is figure it out soon. Think about what good could come out of each situation.
Good luck.