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HaRLoS · Sep 5, 2008, 07:04 PM

So To everyone that has red my posts before my boyfriend is doing good! For the3 most part.. we moved in together.:)

My problem is out lack of connection outside of the bedroom..

When I ask him to talk to me he get so defensive and always thinks I am trying to fight with him, when in reality I'm just trying to solve the past conflicts we hae had. He says "I didn't even do anything" or "i've been good lately"

I know a year and a half of dating is too soon(for most) to think about marriage or kids, and he says he can see a future with me? But he refuses to talk about it.. I'm not trying to get pregnant or married for the record, but is it too much to ask to even talk about the possibilities of our life together? I don't think so.

I am begginning to think that he doesn't see a future with me and he just wants us to be together right now.. but if your know your not going to spend the rest of your life with this person why would you "waste" your time on it? I've tried explaining this to him and once again he gets defensive.. which I suppose is understandable.. I'm not asking for a proposal or a child anytime soon I'm just barely 19, 14 days:) I just think talking about the future is a good thing to know if the two people have the same views and life goals..

But he always seems so distant.. Are all men like this or is it me? Why is verbal communication such a difficult task for most of the men I've been with to perform..

ylaira · Sep 5, 2008, 08:27 PM

Its not commitment they are afraid of, its being tied to a wrong one.

Men struggles to verbalize what's in their heart. It's not their nature to quickly interpret what they feel that's why they sit down and keep quiet before they open their mouth in a gear.

Dragonfly1234 · Sep 5, 2008, 08:27 PM

I'm just going by your post but it seems that your boyfriend has things that are bothering him that he just doesn't know how to voice. Men can't express themselves as well as women do. And if he's defensive all the time, it gives me the impression that you're not approaching him in the right manner. Maybe he feels he needs to be defensive because he senses you're on the offensive. And often times, that's a vicious circle that can be hard to break. You need to be extra sensitive and extra patient and review in your head the words you want to use to bring up a subject that is sensitive for him. He'll let his guards down eventually when he feels more at ease and comfortable that it won't turn into an argument. If you want him to be more positive about a commitment to you, your job is to show him the great person he would be committed to.

JBeaucaire · Sep 5, 2008, 08:38 PM

No, all men are not like this. The one you are with is. He will be like this for quite some time. He doesn't want to talk stuff out, so give it up. Waste of time.

There is no mystery here concerning "men" to solve. You ask about all men because you're frustrated with this one. Keep it simple.

Guys are what they do, guys change VERY slowly, if at all. The whole dating experience is about figuring out who people are, not figuring out what needs to change. That ain't going to happen.

So, simple question: "Since this guy is going to be this guy pretty much all the time for you, how are you going to respond to that?" I mean what are YOU going to do? And not what are you going to tell him to do... don't even start that.

BTW, once you get out of this slowly dying situation, try not to move in with your next applicant. It completely messes up the dating dynamic, making it virtually impossible for you to judge the process accurately.

talaniman · Sep 6, 2008, 06:07 AM

I think your expecting too much, to soon, as you guys haven't even established a good communications yet, so how can you talk about marriage??

Learn to talk and listen first, and then maybe you can work together for your future, but until then, keep talking, and not about the future, but about how you deal with the present.

You haven't done that in a year and a half, is cause for some concern, since your playing house. So get busier.

kaitou · Sep 6, 2008, 08:11 AM

I thought the whole point of dating was to get to know the person, and see if he/she is someone you would like to spent the rest of your life with. Once you establish that, then you get serious.

It sounds to me that you're skipping the get to know him first part and also seeing how compatible you are with him.