[Mygiants]

I have been married for over 10 years and with my husband for over 16 year. We have 2 kids together and I have a step son from his "high school love" that he was never married to. We had a great marriage up until January of this year when he (being 39 years old) met a 21 year old (pig) girl at a bar one night. I knew something was changing because he was coming home late, hiding his cell phone and acting totally different. I threw him out of the house in March after he did not come home one night at all. A few days later I found her number on the cell phone bill and found out about the whole thing. He has been dating her and messing around with her, even got her a job at his work. He has brought her around to a few members of his family, while all along he has been telling me that he loves me etc. Now it turns out that she is pregnant and due in Dec - Jan. He says he does not think it is his kid because she was still messing around with her ex. He still calls me constantly, tells me that he loves me, wants to come home, but now he is confused. IF the kid is his, he wants to be a part of it's life and I think he is still with her here and there, although he says he is not. I know I sound crazy, but I still love him and still want to make my marriage work. I don't know if I can deal with the situation if the kid turns out to be his, but I am having a hard time letting go. I pray a lot, and I just don't want to end my marriage - should I let go?

[Camborio]

I think anything can be worked out with counseling and it just depends on how much work you are willing to put into the relationship, and how much work he is willing to put in. If he wants to move back home and doesn't want to change... I'd let go.

[Budhabelly]

Its obvious you want to make it work. But it also sound like he is not ready for it... I know you don't want to end your marriage, but you should not settle for anything less than a faithfull partner and good role model for the kids...
You sound like a strong woman, who is not afraid of making a hard choices if she needs to. Trust your gut feeling...

[JBeaucaire]

Unconditional love can forgive anything. STUPID love lets it happen again and ignores reality. You can take him back, but make SURE you get your new life requirements worked out in advance and get him to sign on fully for what that would entail.

This means you discuss BEFORE HE COMES BACK how you will handle cell phones, email, free time, work schedule etc.

He is the one who has proven he can't stay faithful without help. You're forgiving him and letting him back IF HE AGREES to let YOU be the helper. You do this together. You need to watch him, like a hawk.

If he isn't willing to submit to several YEARS of chaperoning on your part where you are completely in charge of his schedule and his toys, then don't let him back until he is.

Unconditional love - yes. Stupid love - no! And you can tell him that.

[talaniman]

As JB says, you have a lot of things to work out BEFORE you even consider taking him back.

The first issue is he a new father. Don't be in a hurry to jump back into this frying pan unless all your conditions, and terms, are met to your utmost satisfaction.

In other words, give it plenty of thought.