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35758 · Sep 3, 2008, 01:18 PM

I have been trying to post this as a new thread separate from my other question and it won't let me, so I had to create a new User name to be able to post it. Sorry about the inconvience.

I found out that I was pregnant last week. I am now 6 weeks along. This was totally not planned and I was on birth control at the time I got pregnant. I already have a three year old. I am barely able to support her. I work two jobs and go to school full-time. The only way for me to pay my bills that I currently have is to work both of these jobs. I am really scared right now because I know that I am not going to be with the father of this child. I am not with my daughter's father either because he was a drug addict. The father of this child wants to be a part of this child's life and is willing to help me after the child is born, but he has his own financial and drinking problems.

My mom keeps telling me that I should have an abortion because I need to take care of the child that I already have and she doesn't know how I am going to do it with two children. She told me that she would support me on whatever decision I made though. (She lives in Texas by the way and I live in Alabama) I don't want to have an abortion. I don't want to kill my child. I am really scared though.

I don't know how I am going to pay my bills when I have to stop working my second job as I get further along (which is cleaning an office). I also don't know what I am going to when I am about to have the baby and after the baby is born. I am not going to be able to work for a few weeks combined before and after the baby is born, so how am I going to be able to support my daughter? I have over $1500.00 a month in bills. I am really worried about this and I would like any advice that can be given to me. I don't believe in abortions and I want this child, I just don't know how I am going to do it by myself financially. I struggle so much already and now throwing this pregnancy on top of things is making me stress out even more and it is not healthy for the baby. I am planning on just finishing this semester of school and then going back next year after the baby is born.

I know that the father will help me after the child is born, but he told me that he wants me to have the baby and give it to him since I already have one and I am NOT going to do that. How often would he get the child if we had joint custody?

If this was your daughter/sister/friend in this situation what advice would you give them? Again I am sorry about the reposting of this question I am just really need some advice.

Emland · Sep 3, 2008, 01:27 PM

I would sit down with the father and explain to him straight out that if he wants to be a part of this child's life then he will get into AA and remain sober from now on.

Seek out any public assistance that is available. Sign up for any adult education classes you can that will allow you to obtain a job that pays more. There are many scholarships available for low income women - take advantage of them.

Hang in there.

35758 · Sep 4, 2008, 06:14 AM

I have talked to him about AA and he is does not think that he has a problem.

I am in college right now, I do receive grants for school, but it is not going to be enough for me to support myself for two months. I have a good job, I am just afraid that I am going to get fired because I am going to have to be off work for a while while I am having the baby and what not. The thing with my job is that if I go anywhere else they are going to pay me the same that I am making here, maybe a dollar more, because I don't have my degree yet and I am just an Admin. Assistant.

Thanks!

35758 · Sep 10, 2008, 11:29 AM

Well, just an update, I lost my baby over the weekend due to too much stress. Thanks a bunch for reading about my problems but not offering advice, espically when I needed it the most.

DoulaLC · Sep 10, 2008, 02:18 PM

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage... it may have been stress, it may not have been. Most miscarriages occur due to there being a developmental issue with baby or the pregnancy and this early on there often is just no way to know for sure the cause.
IF you happen to start seeing someone else and become pregnant, hopefully he would be someone you would want to stay with, but also know that, as some of the posters mentioned, that there are organizations in place to help in such circumstances.

It can be a hassle, and you may feel like you are jumping through hoops to get the help, but it is out there. Your health department and your doctor's office should be able to put you in contact with several of them.
Good luck with your schooling... it's one of the best things you can be doing right now for your future and your daughter's future.