[Skell]

Hi all,
OK we started to touch on this in my last thread titled "Hurting", but I was just interested to see what peoples thoughts are so is started this new thread..
When going through a break up, after that initial stage where you beg and plead until you can't anymore, I am all for the no contact that everyone on here seems to say. I couldn't agree more and am practicing it myself as we speak and really contribute it to me feeling better and better. A friend told me that it is about waiting for that wheel to turn and regaining some power and I have seen similar things repeated on here.
But can I pose this question. As I said I live in a town and have a social life where it MAY arise (I am doing everything possible to avoid it short of leaving town) that I run into my ex. I have thoughts in my head of how I want to be but whether I actually act like this upon seeing her is yet to be seen. I am confident I can be strong.
However what are people opinions of what should be said, shouldn't be said, how to act etc should this situation arise. I thought this may not only be helpful for myself but I see a common theme throughout threads of people breaking down again upon seeing there ex.
What are people thoughts?

[jeffatl]

Dude, no script. If you do that, she will know it because it won't come out right at all. Just calm down buddy, if you see her, you see her. If you guys talk, just keep it lite and move on. The last thing she will do is bring up this situation, TRUST ME! She will ask you how you are doing, just say "Im doing fine, you?". SGirls will never bring this stuff up when they see you, deep down they want to to be a wreck and bring it up. If you don't, you win. That doesn't mean she will want you back, but it will make her think "wow, he got over me way too fast". Just calm yourself, and this is totally normal. I sat in my room "thinking about what I was going to say" for hours on end when I was trying to sleep. How long ago did you guys break up again? Don't worry, this is just part of the healing process. If you aren't contacting her, GREAT. You know this means even if SHE CONTACTS YOU RIGHT?? If she sends you a message, DO NOT RESPOND. She is just trying to stirr you up. A real mature girl will just leave you be, but that isn't always the case. I just want to keep reassuring you that you are doing just fine, I sit here laughing a bit, because it brings back memories of how I was. I think if I had someone telling me "this is normal" it would have helped. Just focus on getting back to being who you are (I know it seems impossible) that's the best thing for you. You really need to relax, I went through some pretty bad mania and depression, and Im sure you have too. Just stick it out, find something you can to to RELAX YOURSELF. Listen to some new music, take a long bath, go for a nice long walk. No gym when you are trying to RELAX. The stress is the worst part, anxiety and all. TERRIBLE. Your head needs some time off buddy. Also, RELAXING does not mean laying in bed all day... =I. Also, EAT!! Im sure your appetite has gone WAY south, hell I lost about 20lbs in 3 months! Take a multi vit, and maybe try this stuff called "Serenity" It's a NATURAL mood stabilizer and you can get it at like GNC. Im not big on meds from a doctor on situations like this because you don't want to numb yourself. I took the serenity and I think it helped, even if it's a total gimic... Get some rest and drink lots of water. This stuff can and will make you really sick. I know Im pulling "big brother" in a way, but trust me... you will be just fine.

[s_cianci]

If you should happen to run into your ex, just be casual and cordial. Exchange the usual pleasantries like "Hi, how've you been?" without getting into the topic of your previous relationship. Act like there never was a relationship between the two of you. Treat her as you would a former coworker that you haven't seen for 5 years. If you don't bring up the relationship, chances are that neither will she. If she does, just casually brush it off or put the onus back on her. For example, if she comes out with something like "So what happened to us?", reply with "I don't know, that's a good question" and leave it at that. And whatever you do, don't break down afterwards and call or text her.

[Skell]

Hey jeff, thanks man. I see exactly what you are saying. I am relaxing actually. It has been probably two months since we broke up and probably 4 weeks or more since we have had any contact and honestly I feel fine. I'm relaxed. I'm eating good again. I'm not miserable all the time. I am actually fairly happy. I know there is no script as well. I just thought it might be an interesting thread to see what people thoughts were and it is probably a little stupid. It was just that I see so many people on here say that they ran into the ex and said the wrong thing. I was just sort of thinking it would be helpful to see what people ideas are on the right things to say if you know what I mean. But please trust me. I actually know I'm doing pretty good. I can feel it within myself. I have ups and downs but overall I'm functioning pretty well.
I appreciate your support though.. it has been nothing short of fantastic from day 1 and I guess it is because I am going through a very similar thing that did. And believe me I am listening and I am feeling pretty good about myself.

[jeffatl]

GREAT, you should. I know its hard. This feels like the END of the world for you, but its not. I am really trying to think of some crazy dignified reply to this, but its not hitting me right now. All I can say is, you are just going through the motions right now (I hope that makes sense). Your life feels totally out of wack, but its NORMAL. Bro, listen... Everything will be cool, just give it time. Nothing will come clear as day, out of the blue, but it will creep on you. Slowly but surely, you will make it. TRUST me, you will really feel like a MAN after all of this. Chin up, we all know what you are gong through. I am making you me little "project" you could say. I will make sure that you come through this 100%. Just follow ALL of us an LISTEN. We would never lead you in the wrong direction. Seriosuly, this site helped me through so much, and I love eveyone here in some special way. Wildcat, chery, momincali, and talin are almost like family to me in some strange "Ive never met you" way, but ALL good people. We do this to help, and nothing more. Just remember that... we HATE to see people hurt, and now I am staring to see the redundance in some of these threads, but we will ALWAYS be there to help out people that are willing to listen. You are doing just fine brother... just fine.

[fredg]

Hi, Skell,
You are definitely worrying about something, that may not happen as you think it might! Worry only promotes more worry. If one is concerned about something, do something about it; if nothing can be done, then forget it.
I was divorced in a small type town, saw my ex at the store, other places, until I eventually moved away.
Seeing your ex has two things about it: Either just "seeing" her in a store, far down an aisle, or actually, going up to her and saying something to her.
When in a public gathering, why even talk with her now? You are very concerned about what to do. Don't do anything!
Don't go up to her. If she says anything to you, be polite, say "hi", then walk away! It's easy.
Maybe later, years, whatever, if you want to talk with her, then do it then.
I do wish you the best, and please stop worrying about all this; it's no big thing, unless you make it that way.

[Wildcat21]

Begging and pleading?? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh = needy, clingy. Never do that going forward.

Keep the no contact - just say hi - how are you doing.

Go on with your life - don't worry about running in to her.

The no contact will be the only way to get your power back.