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Romefalls19 · Sep 2, 2008, 01:08 PM

Not sure if this is the right place for this, if not, admins please move to the appropriate section. Thanks

Now for the question, I have been seeing my girlfriend for almost 7 months now. We do live together with her 2 beautiful girls who I adore and treat as my own. They are 5 and 3 and really like me. Now, the father, who is currently in rehab for heroin use(this time) and has just recently been allowed visitors. So we made the decision that he can see the girls on Sundays for a few hours when his mother goes up to visit him. Well for the past 3 weeks the girls have been coming home saying horrible things about their mother and myself. Things like "Daddy hates *my name* and he says he wrecked our family" or "mommy daddy says your wrong for loving someone else" things like that. I am going out to California to meet her side of the family this Christmas and he just recently found out about this and tells the girls "we'll see about that" and then the girls repeat it. We do not talk ill of him to the girls at all.

How should we handle this? It's taking a toll on my girlfriend a lot because it makes her feel like a bad parent because of what they say to her and then they won't listen to her. We have thought about telling his mother that if this continues then we will have to stop the visitation until the custody hearing is finalized

0rphan · Sep 2, 2008, 01:31 PM

Stop taking the girls, they are far to young to understand any of this, if the father complains, which he surely will, then you must both go together and explain why...

It's clear that he is using them as pawns against you and your girl frlend and has no thought of how it will affect the girls, his behaviour has gotten him where he is today which is no place for little ones, if he wishes to talk like an adult, then when he is released all three of you can sit calmly together and explain the stuation in a way that is appropriate for children of their young age... it need not be in a vindictive manner which is what is happening now, reflecting on you your girlfriend and the girls...

Goodluck

Fr_Chuck · Sep 2, 2008, 02:02 PM

Yes, very simple, don't let him see the children if he is cauing distress.. If after he gets out, he keeps doing the same thing, take him to court to allow only supervised visits.

Romefalls19 · Sep 2, 2008, 03:06 PM

That's what we are leaning towards because it's really hard for the girls. I mean I love the girls to death and love being around them. I have done my part of stepping up and I talk to them a lot. So today I was talking to the oldest and she said "my daddy says if I like you then I don't love him but I like you and like him too"

It's so heartbreaking that someone would actually use a child as pawn for their stupid game. He has made so many mistakes. You know what it's like hearing a 5 and 3 year talk about how daddy hurt mommy and made mommy cry all the time?

As for sitting down and talking, I don't know how well that will go as he is extremely confrontational and quick with his anger. I do not wish to put myself or my girlfriend in that position. I may try an over the phone conversation but if it gets heated then I will have to go and try to find another way around