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perplexedNTexas · Sep 1, 2008, 04:38 PM

I just happened to come across this website because I was seeking information that would help my wife become regain her interest in intimacy and closeness. But looking on the internet is really not the answer. I need to look to myself to do this but I am no longer possess any characteristics or personal appeal that interests her. In November we will have been married 44 years but have not been physically sexually together since 1997, 11years. During this time it has been very difficult but I must say that I am grateful that I have not been unfaithful to my wife and have not sought to be unfaithful. And I will openly admit that if I were a better husband and had done better in our relationship, the situation would be better. My wife is a lovely and giving woman and she deserves more. I just simply went over the line from which there is no return once the line is crossed. I have not been physically abusive to her, no drugs or alcohol matters, I just did not give her the attention she needs and did not handle our finances well and she does not forgive and forget. That is okay. That is her choice. I have apologized more than once but the hurt has been too deep. I don't blame my wife. She deserves better.

When I came across this website I read a few comments from wives about their husbands not being interested in them in a sexual way and I thought to myself-this is a strange world, there are married couples with wives hurting for intimacy and there are married couples with the husband hurting for intimacy. Why couldn't there have been better match ups. But I agree and recognize that marriage is not totally based on intimacy but it is a very critical part and when I say intimacy, I don't mean that it always has to be sexual, it can be a touch, a hug, a whisper in the ear, etc.

For a moment is was a nice feeling to read about a woman interested and desiring attention and affection because those are strange and foreign words to my ears.

Xrayman · Sep 1, 2008, 06:37 PM

Have you discussedt this with your wife? You may discover that you do share something, she may see that you are interested in her, you want to remedy the situation, want to work together-The biggest issue here as with many posts to this forum is that GOOD communication got lost and needs rejigging-Go out on a limb and tell her how you feel-ask her if she feels likewise, reminecs about the good times-ask if you could possible rekindle them now etc.

Good luck

Synnen · Sep 1, 2008, 09:50 PM

I may sound like a broken record here---but have you sought couples' counseling for this?

Obviously, she holds some resentments, and you hold some hurts, and there is a HUGE gap in communication here.

It's never too late to change a marriage until someone leaves. Start with changing yourself, showing her the man she wishes you were, and work from there.

Choux · Sep 2, 2008, 02:59 PM

I think your story is a familiar marriage story... I think for a woman, the hidden resentments really kill any desire for copulation. Physicians say that pleasurable sex is a use it or lose it situation, unfortunately.

Perhaps, you can make the use of a couple's counselor and find a way to arrive at a negotiated settlement to having a sex life with your wife. Or, perhaps, she wouldn't care if you had a mistress on the side? Perhaps, there is a way to be flexible about sex?

Life is about making happiness, not becoming sour and miserable.

Go for it!

My very best wishes, :)