[ZeroGrav1984]

Greetings.

I'm a 24 year-old who's had absolutely no success with girls or dating. I've had one girlfriend in my life, but our relationship was, in no sense, "intimate", so I'm completely lacking experience in dating. There have been a few times when I've asked girls out, but they've all played games with me and strung me along, and just couldn't say "no" to me. It's been very hurtful.

Recently, my friend of four years or so came out of a tumultuous relationship (about two months ago now). We started hanging around a lot more, and I told her (in a note) that I had feelings for her. She seemed very optimistic and receptive and told me that she would "get back to me" in a note of her own. We haven't talked about that note since. It's been about a month now.

We've been hanging out a lot more than we used to, and sometimes I think she might be dropping me hints, but it's hard to tell. I'd like to hang out with her a lot more, but I'm afraid I may be smothering her. When we do hang around, I've been avoiding the issue or making moves, and have basically been keeping our relationship platonic.

But now, I'm afraid that my friend is playing the same game that everyone else did, and is just avoiding telling me "no". Should I tell her I'd like to talk to her about how she feels about me, or would this be too forward? Should I wait to see if she ever brings up the note again? Please help!

[Clough]

Hi, ZeroGrav1984!

It sounds to me like you might be somewhat shy and not able to move forward with some things in your life because of your shyness.

Would that be correct?

Thanks!

[alanalov]

Hey ZeroGrav! I think you should take things easy. You seem to wonder about the little details and try to read too much into it, but I'd say just go with the flow and be who you are. Talk to her as if you would talk to a good friend. There's nothing wrong with asking her to hang out with you, be it for a movie, playing tennis or whatever you guys like. Keep it friendly and if there's something more between the two of you, you'll find out sooner or later. Don't scare her away by telling her how you feel about her if you're not yet sure how she feels about you.
Try to put your fear aside and trust your guts. : )

[ZeroGrav1984]

Hey ZeroGrav! I think you should take things easy. You seem to wonder about the little details and try to read too much into it, but I'd say just go with the flow and be who you are. Talk to her as if you would talk to a good friend. There's nothing wrong with asking her to hang out with you, be it for a movie, playing tennis or whatever you guys like. Keep it friendly and if there's something more between the two of you, you'll find out sooner or later. Don't scare her away by telling her how you feel about her if you're not yet sure how she feels about you.
Try to put your fear aside and trust your guts. : )

Thanks for this answer. It was very insightful.

Actually, we haven't talked or hung around in a few days, and I sense she's getting kind of distant or busy. I'm still not sure if I should press her to hang out more, or if I should just forget about the whole thing and throw any hopes of my getting dates into the wastebasket. Truthfully, I don't think she likes me back. I just wish that she would tell me if that's the case. I would understand. Then I know I can just give up on dating forever.

[ylaira]

She just got out from a relationship so give it a time for now. While waiting however, you should be straightforward to ask if "she can consider" (as the most subtle) you in future to be her BF. Don't be too much available, act normal.

[ZeroGrav1984]

She just got out from a relationship so give it a time for now. While waiting however, you should be straightforward to ask if "she can consider" (as the most subtle) you in future to be her BF. Dont be too much available, act normal.

Thanks for your answer, too. I just wish I knew so that I could understand whether it's worth it to keep hanging on, or to move on with my life and leave her alone.