Asking the right way?

Gmanv1 · Apr 29, 2006, 05:27 PM

There's this girl at work. And I want to find out if she has a boyfriend before I ask her out basically I no she had one but I'am unsure whether she is still with him or not, and I need to find out because there's really nothing worse than getting rejected via her saying 'Oh I can't I have a boyfriend' she is definitely the perfect girl for me (and they don't come along often lol) its just how the hell do I ask her without it making it obvious and embarrassing myself and her at the same time..

mr.yet · Apr 29, 2006, 05:31 PM

Ask her out for coffee or something simple to break the ice, but be yourself. Small talk works.

Myth · Apr 29, 2006, 05:46 PM

Just ask... I always hated when guys would foot around and stuff... If you want to know just ask. Walk up and be upfront and say "Do you mind me asking if you have a bf or could I maybe take you out sometime." It actually doesn't leave a lot of room for rejection and most women don't like the "well ummm's" and the such. I look at it this way. If your so intimidated by me then your not worth it. Have the cahone's to ask and you might be pleseantly surprised. I hope this helps.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 29, 2006, 05:59 PM

Since you said work, I will have to assume you are not in 8th grade still.
Passing her a note and asking her friend to ask her is not part of the relationship process any longer.

And much else may appear like stalking.

So you merely ask her and talk to her.

momincali · Apr 29, 2006, 10:23 PM

How closely do you work with this girl? I mean, you said you know she's the perfect girl for you, how much have you spoken to this girl to know that, and if you've spoken to her hasn't the subject come up? If you haven't spoken to her much, start saying hi and short one liner conversations like hey how was your weekend? See if she warms up to you or acts like a cold fish. If you have spoken to her and have the casual co-worker conversation than, you just jump in with both feet and ask her to dinner. How hard can it be to say "I don't know if you still have a boyfriend or not but I would really like to take you to dinner sometime, what do you say?" If you're not mature enough and man enough to put yourself out there than you'll never get what you want out of life, much less a relationship. Come one, just do it, you know you can!

kp2171 · Apr 29, 2006, 11:12 PM

Just ask. Do it!!

Nothing worse than being told she cannot because she has a boyfriend?

OK. First of all, there's no guarantee shell say yes anyway, so if the fear of rejection is what is keeping you from asking, well get over it. It's a gamble, boyfriend or not.

And if she is seeing someone and the boyfriend is keeping her from dating you, that's really not the worst turn down you could get. Sure, it might suck, but its better than a lot of other things she could say.

Look... the absolute worst thing is to not ask out the "perfect girl" for you.

Better to know reality than to worry about things that might not be true.

Sometimes the timing is good. Sometimes the timing is off.

If she does have a boyfriend or she isn't interested, then you can move on and not wonder. And if she is interested, then you didn't waste another day wondering about maybe.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

ive done things that i regret, but i regret more the things i never did when i had a chance.

jeffatl · Apr 30, 2006, 12:19 AM

The thing women like MOST in a man is confidence. Im sorry to say, but being shot down is part of the game istelf. Find something that gives you confidence, I take mine not in the fact that I know I can pick up any girl I talk to, but that I know I will find the right one for me somethime. Women have like a 6th sense when it comes to sniffing out fear in a guy, I don't know how but they do. Just never let her see you flustered and just play it cool. I am the kind of person that thinks you can get just about any girl you want as long as you know how to act. Right now, saying "you know she is the perfect girl for you" is setting yourself up for a fall flat on your face. Just be friendly, funny, and above all yourself with her. Its more fun to make them cahse you anyway. If you play this like a scared little boy, you will get nowhere. Aske her if she has a boyfirend straight up, if she does just say "thats too bad" and then have a laugh with her about it. Just be fun, Im telling you... Ive been through this a few times and its not a big deal. The best way to deal with things like this is flirt, if she likes you, she will bite and you will know it! Be a bit coy with her at first, get to know her. If she has a serious boyfriend, she will tell you.

fredg · Apr 30, 2006, 03:40 AM

Hi, Gman,
One of the things we learn about life, through experience, is how to handle rejection!
It's important to remember that it's not what happens to us today, it's all in how we deal with it.
Ask her.
All she can say is "no". The longer you wait, the longer you give someone else the chance to ask her out. It's hard sometimes to force yourself into something, but it's the only way to get over being afraid. I do wish you the best of luck.

love and be loved · Apr 30, 2006, 05:29 AM

How do you know she use to have a boy friend?
If you meet him say: "What ever happend to your bf I haven't seen him sence (when ever the last time you saw him was)"
If she told you about him say: "What ever happened to you bf (you don't talk about him much any more (or) you haven't metioned him sence...when ever she last metioned him)"

I you know she had one from something else please tell me how you new and maybe I can think of something else for you

Hope this helps good luck
Bye

love and be loved · Apr 30, 2006, 05:32 AM

* if you know she has a boyfriend from something else please tell...

Sry got my words a little mixed up there lol

talaniman · May 1, 2006, 05:28 AM

I like the advice so far , but I caution anyone about those office romances,they can get really complicated:cool: :eek:

fredg · May 1, 2006, 05:41 AM

HI,
I do agree with talaniman about office romances.
If not handled in a good way, they can be very, very frustrating, with gossip, hard feelings, etc, etc, if things don't work out between two people. Also, depends on how "far" it goes before it's broken off, or at least trying to break it off!

kp2171 · May 1, 2006, 08:15 AM

I agree with the above posts to some degree.

As a guy who met, dated, and married a woman I met through work obviously it believe it can work out for the better. I also dated others at work prior to marrying and when I doesn't work out it can get ugly. Also, I ended up leaving my place of work before our relationship became public, as my wife was then somewhat of an indirect supervisor and it would have been a conflict of interest for her to date me. We pretty well knew it was serious from the start, so leaving a job that I could walk away from anyway wasn't such a big deal.

One study surveyed HR pros and over 50% of them said marriage is the most likely outcome of office romances in their experience. Obviously not all HR people know about all romances going on, and the "best" romances are probably the ones that become more and more open. In the time I was at the company, there were two other romances known to have happened - one ended in marriage, the other ended in the guy getting fired after he harassed the girl after the breakup, using his company cell phone to prank call.

But it is a point worth noting. I think you'll be more likely to find people you are compatible with at work than at the bar... but the reality of an uncomfortable breakup should be considered.

If nothing else, you simply might need to act with more caution and respect.

Wildcat21 · May 1, 2006, 10:32 AM

Laugh at rejection... EVEN if you do get reject it DOES put her wheels spinning in her head... rejection is no big deal and great experience.

what you have here is FEAR>>>>>>>>>>>>> FEAR =

FALSE

EMOTIONS

not

ACTUAL

REALITY

What I usually do is make fun of the situation... "Are you single or are you married with 10 kids?" - ALWAYS make them laugh. Blow it out of proportion with the 10 kids thing.

Wildcat21 · May 1, 2006, 10:33 AM

Although I totally discourage dating anyone you work with or through work or clients. It gets WAY too messy.

Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

It generall ydoesn't work out anf then you have to work with that person.

Gmanv1 · May 1, 2006, 10:49 AM

I can see alll of your points especially the after effect of a realationship at work, but bear in mind I'm only 17 and its at the weekends stacking shelvs not really an office romance so to speak lol, but anyway il find out and if she has given him the ditch then ill make my move. I have been unlucky with this sort of thing it seems every girl I pick is still with her boyfriend maybe I have just been unlucky

Wildcat21 · May 1, 2006, 10:55 AM

There are always other guys - you're young, so these aren't deep heated romances. But ask her if she's seeing anyone - just ask... or jokingly say - how's that boyfriend doing?

Gmanv1 · May 1, 2006, 11:06 AM

Don't u mean other girls, I hope u do lol

Wildcat21 · May 1, 2006, 11:22 AM

No - I mean there are always other guys she will be seeing or interested in until you are exclusive. Even if she has a boyfriend it most likely won't be serious - women tend to move from guy to guy. Oh - and this hould NEVER make you jealous. NEVER.

s_cianci · May 3, 2006, 06:03 AM

Next Friday at work, casually ask her what's she's doing for the weekend. If she mentions plans with a "boyfriend" then you'll have your cue. If she doesn't then it's a pretty safe bet that she's available. Incidentally, what's wrong with being rejected with "I can't, I have a boyfriend?" Actually that's about the best rejection I can think of because it's totally non-personal ; you know it has absolutely nothing to do with you. That's a lot better than getting turned down by someone who's totally available but just doesn't want to go out with you.