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tabbarat · Nov 27, 2008, 09:03 AM

Thanks for the "ur not a bad a guy" comment, talaniman.. ur right ;)

Its true... I can't win, if winning is having a serious real relationship with her... it seems she doesn't want one or is not ready for one... so that's why I'm taking emotions out of it before I get eaten alive

And that is why your new bet, seems logical... I think for the time being, I will see no change... or "im stuck" as you said earlier... it will continue to be an open relationship/non serious/friendship with benefits kind of thing for a while

EN KEN: good to hear from you again... but lets hold our horses! :) I never said she is having sex with this new guy... they have been talking on the phone for almost a month and have had maybe 4 or 5 dates... im hoping that it will take her 7 mnths to sleep with him, just like it took her to sleep with me! Because I really believed her I only sleep with guys I really care about and love, and am hesitant to get into anything serious now speech

However, although her speech may be true and she did eventually sleep with me, it could also be a bad thing... maybe after finally sleeping with me, it helped her cut off the past of her ex, and now she is less restricted about sex! Maybe I released the beast inside her! Lol

Anyway, I'm sure she kissed him, but still unsure about the sex... and of course not going to ask... just going to not care and not think about it... bc I'm going out tonight and will hopefully have sex too or meet someone I like

I agree with the rest of the post... it is going to be a while before this open relationship becomes closed... and also, God only knows how many guys she will go through or girls I will lgo through before it closes...

But I can tell you that our open relationship was built on the fact that we care about each other so much, we get along, we like the physical aspects, and we are good friends, that it was just hard to let go

I agree with everyone when they tell me this isn't healthy... but it is hard for both of us to just let go, and that's why we settled in an open relatonship

But here is the important update... I knew that the new idiot guy travelled last night, so I was going to play it cool today and see how she reacts when he leaves... so the day started by HER calling me.. again... and her saying she wants to see me and have lunch... we spent about 4 and a half hours together... it felt exactly the same? And on top of that, we still held hands and kissed?

So either she is really good at acting, or I was right: we can do what we want with other people, but we will always have that bond/link that keeps us coming back

Anyway, it just proved to me that it is still not serious with this guy, or she still has the same feelings for me...

Let the real open relationship begin! :)

asking · Nov 27, 2008, 09:08 AM

I still don't understand why you feel it's okay for you to have sex with other women while seeing her but it's not okay for her to do the same. You have a double standard, T. I don't think you can legitimately justify that.

tabbarat · Nov 27, 2008, 09:16 AM

Your right... I don't know... maybe because from day 1 I wanted to have a serious relationship with her, and she was hesitant... maybe because for 7 mnths I wanted to sleep with her, but she wasn't ready

So even though I did eventually sleep with her, a selfish side of me is hoping she will do the same to other guys (make them wait and see if they DO really care about her and are willing to wait)

Another reason, because a part of me still loves her, so I wouldn't like to hear about her sleeping with someone else

But I'm sure she wouldn't like it either...

So anyway, call me crazy... but these are my reasons

Anyway, I guess all we can do is just try not to think about it, and to each one his own.. and then when me and her are together to just concentrate on us

wikedjuggalo · Nov 27, 2008, 09:35 AM

Holy sh*t how many time do we go over this just because you act like a lap dog when she calls doesn't mean sh*t. Forgive me for not understand but if you have feelings for someone (strong like you said) why must she see other people. For that matter why you?

tabbarat · Nov 27, 2008, 04:16 PM

By the way, I noticed smthg... when the guy calls when I'm with her, she either doesn't answer or answers and cuts the conversation short

I do the same when a girl/tamale calls me... but the reason I do it is to keep a vagueness/play a game...

talaniman · Nov 27, 2008, 05:08 PM

Game players always think others are playing a game.

In your case, she may well be playing a game as are you. Your mind will be playing tricks on you, as long as your in this game.

The thing is, if your playing your games, why can't she? The way I see it, she is the better player, and you won't win at her game. Make no mistake, it is her game your playing, and you asked for it. Enjoy!

EN Ken · Nov 27, 2008, 07:40 PM

You may not know for sure whether she's having sex with the other guy, but I would assume she is. Even though my instincts say that she hasn't, I would still assume that they have because that's the assumption that must be made in an open relationship.

In an open relationship, you MUST assume that the people involved in it are all seeing other people because that is the nature of an open relationship.

Also, if you really want to make an open relationship work, stop focusing on what she does with other guys and focus on what she does with you. What she does with another guy is none of your business. Unless you two have sat down and explicitly decided that you're both going to tell each other who you've been dating, don't share that information.

The only thing you should be concerned about when it comes to her is the time that she spends with you. That's it. Date other people and look for the girl who you can have a strong relationship with.

tabbarat · Nov 28, 2008, 03:15 AM

Enken, I agreed with your post... I should do exactly what you said and worry less about the other guy and more on the time she spends with me...

But I have a question here (for everyone), since I am new to this open relationship stuff: Is lying allowed?

I mean if I ask what she is doing or what she did last night, and she LIES... is that still considered fair/part of an open relationship?

My point is, that seeing other people and each one is free to do what he wants is smthg; but isn't lying sort of a red line?

Maybe I'm being a bit naïve, but to me lying os lying, no matter what or who the person is and the relationship you have...

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 06:01 AM

Lying is never a good option, but getting in the perssonal business of another is not allowed either. If she says none of your business, then that's the end of that.

tabbarat · Nov 28, 2008, 07:58 PM

None of your business is smthg, and lying is smthg else... anyway, advice I got from some friends is to not care/think about it... just concentrate on OUR time together

Went to the concert today... had a great time... actually, I picked up 2 girls girls there, and brought the mto our table... spent a lot of time flirting and dancing with one of them and got her number... my ex wasn't too pleased... but I didn't mind... was having fun.. but at the end of the night my ex and I ended up holding hands and kissing... go figure

Mom of 2 · Nov 29, 2008, 11:59 PM

WHAT!! You went to a concert with your ex (or whatever she is) and then picked up TWO girls in front of her?? What in the h*ll are you doing? You DON'T do that kind of thing EVER to a person you say you care about. Once and for all, stop playing games!! I'm not saying that for the mere fact that if you stop you will get her (because I honestly don't think you will). Games are for the immature and you are proving to everyone here that you are probably the most stubborn and immature individual on the planet. How old are you anyway? I think that it is time that you seek professional help because what you and her are doing is soooo totally unhealthy, it is beyond unhealthy. It is downright cruel and in a way emotionally abusive. If you don't stop the way that you have been acting, you will NEVER be able to have a successful relationship. You are only hurting yourself and all future relationships that you will have.

Mom of 2 · Nov 30, 2008, 01:17 AM

Talaniman, I know. I just could not help but make a comment on Tab's actions. It got a rise out of me!!

Tab, I just hate the fact that you constantly say that you care/love this girl, but your actions just don't follow that.

Talaniman is absolutely correct on his comment to my post. You guys have nothing better to do.

hjpan · Nov 30, 2008, 02:46 AM

Stop being such a player and be true to yourself.

You honestly don't love anyone, not even yourself. All your do is think highly of yourself and ALWAYS ACCEPT THE FACT from those who support your views.

THis is the 60th page and we're still debating the same thing.

3 words: GET OVER IT.

tabbarat · Nov 30, 2008, 03:10 PM

There is never any pleasing you guys! I actually go out and try to meet some girls and do my own thing, I get a bashing... when I stay with her or go with her for lunch, you say I'm a lap dog! I honestly don't care anymore (im sure you guys already know that)

And just to clarify... I didn't go with her alone and pick up 2 girls in front of her! I would NEVER do that... there is smthg called respect!

I had reserved a table... I invited her AND her friends to come... I was there with MY friends ALSO... I invited two girls standing next to my table to join us...

It wasn't in the way as if I picked them up and ditched her! NO WAY! I would hurt myself before hurting her in that way!

These two girls were nice... my friends talked to them, as did I... one seemed to take a liking to me... but this does NOT mean I ignored my ex! I still danced and sat with her... and I told the waitress to take care of her "bc she is very special to me", and my ex thought that that was very sweet... and the night ended by me leaving with my ex, not the 2 girls... her and her friends are priority... and no matter what you think, I am a gentleman... I was just having a bit of fun on MY table and trying to meet new girls... and to be honest, yes, part of the flirting I had with the new girl was to piss off my ex...

And sorry, but I'll cut off smthg very important to me if no other guy has ever done that in his life (try to make his ex jealous)

I appreciate your advice, mom.. I swear... but please don't overreact and start saying its terribly unhealthy and I screwed up all relationships in future... thats too pessimistic!. we are just 2 people that really like/care about each other, but at the moment (or maybe ever) are not together as a couple

tabbarat · Nov 30, 2008, 03:12 PM

By the way, I'm 27, she turns 25 in 2 days... bought her gifts totalling 2000 USD today and taking her and her aunt out to dinner... im so sweet :)

asking · Nov 30, 2008, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by tabbarat

i would hurt myself before hurting her in that way!

Originally Posted by tabbarat

..and to be honest, yes, part of the flirting i had with the new girl was to piss off my ex...

Originally Posted by tabbarat

and sorry, but i'll cut off smthg very important to me if no other guy has ever done that in his life (try to make his ex jealous)

You would never hurt her, but you deliberately hurt her to piss her off, but it's okay because some other guys do it too sometimes.

Phew! What happened to the romance?

Not all men try to make their partners jealous and not all women do that. In fact, a LOT of people never do this.

slapshot_oi · Dec 1, 2008, 09:57 AM

Just a thought, tabbarat, you live in one of the richest places on earth. I see what used to be thought as impossible feats of engineering happening there all the time on the Discovery and National Geographic networks. There's tons of stuff to do down there, so for your to still be hooked on this broad just seems wrong.

And here I am, looking out my window into yet another gray New England winter.

tabbarat · Dec 1, 2008, 10:29 AM

Dubai is a great place man... and if you do visit, do look me up...

But I can say the same thing about u.. I would love to g oto Boston or New York and see the night life there...

UPDATE: she cut it with the new guy... she said she got bored.. hasnt been answering his calls and distancing herself... yup, they always come back to tabbarat ;)

talaniman · Dec 1, 2008, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by tabbarat

and sorry, but i'll cut off smthg very important to me if no other guy has ever done that in his life (try to make his ex jealous)

Start cutting, as you're the game player. I never had time.

true, but desperate times call for desperate measures

What's desperate about keeping it real?

UPDATE: she cut it with the new guy... she said she got bored.. hasnt been answering his calls and distancing herself... yup, they always come back to tabbarat ;)

There will be someone else. She can afford to wait, playa.

tabbarat · Dec 3, 2008, 04:06 PM

Took her and her aunt to dinner at the burj al arab hotel last night... spent 1000 USD! At the stroke of midnight I surprised her with a birthday cake... then we went for a drink... she told me that it was the best birthday she had in the last 5 yrs and probably one of the best ever! I really appreciated that... it was her first birthday away from her family so she was feeling sad and it made me happy that I could get her mind off that

Today we spent the whole day together, then at night she had a birthday dinner party organized with her friends... she got some flowers, perfumes, earrings, etc... then I gave her the gifts I bought her also worth over 1000usd, and a birthday card... she started crying when she read the card! :( in it I wrote how I went to my brothers party looking for fun, but didn't expect to meet someone I would care about with all my heart... then I reminisced about some of our memories over the past 7mnths, and told her that no matter the ups and downs we have, she will always have my heart and be someone I care about... you are my lover, my best friend, and I will always hope to see you happy, etc.

Seeing her cry really made me feel like crying...

2 things I want to point out: for all the people that still doubt I really like this girl, I hope you will stop saying that... and for those that doubt that she really likes me, also stop that

I have only loved 2 girls in my mostly-single life, and she is one of them... u know you love someone when seeing them sad/crying makes you sad/want to cry... u know someone loves you when they cry at some nice words you write them

I really wish all these stupid games and ups and downs and open relationships would end... but I guess right now, these are the cards we were dealt

About the gifts... some people think I over spent on her... I got the question "why? she isnt even ur gf"... honestly, 2 reasons... one being the new guy bought her a $10,000 watch, so I wanted to at least play in the same ball park... I can't afford to spend 10 grand on a watch, but I can afford to spend 2-3 grand to make her happy...

The second reason, I really wanted to buy her nice things and make her happy... I got her 3 things, and each one had a reason... a meaning to why I bought it... for example, a bag that I noticed she liked, or shoes that I felt she would like to have because hers were starting to get old, or smthg she mentioned once, etc.

All I know is that we have been spending a lot of time together and we are both loving it... is it only because of the emtions of the birthday, or is there smthg real? I guess time will tell...

Also, the girl from the concert called me and wants to see me this weekend... to be honest... right now, after seeing her cry when she read my card, I really don't know if I'm going to go or not... let me sleep on it, let the wine leave my system, then decide... take care!